Strange reminder of the denial I was in two years ago

[BialystockandBloom]

How weird - just browsing through behaviour&development topic and a two-year old thread was resurrected www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/592367-16-month-old-not-pointing-waving-or-talking-worried

Had posted on it myself (I used to be FattipuffsandThinnifers, and spent most of my time on MN on the b&d section in those days). I was so in denial about ds! Convinced myself his late pointing, being a bit in his own world, his obsession with spinning etc was all ok, he was just a boy etc etc.

Feel bloody awful that I had those niggles even when he was 18 months old and still didn't do anything till he was nearly 3yo Wonder if acting earlier would have made much difference - guess I'll never know.

oh, your old username always used to make me smile! You've got things sorted now, that's the important thing, we've all done the denial being a river in Egypt thing It's such a blurred line between what's normal and what isn't at that age.

and of course allows you to see how far you've come and what you've achieved in that time!

Thank you, that has made me feel a bit better

At least we're doing something now (ABA). And I have discovered the SN board which has been more helpful than anything 'official' we have received so far

F&T is a weird book isn't it!

An interesting read Bialy :)

I had concerns about DD from an early age but didnt have clue about Autism, missed HV appointments/checks due to moving, appointments cancelled due to no staff etc. By the time we had settled her into a private nursery we convinced ourselves her language would catch up in a social environment....after a year one of the staff mentioned she never spoke! It was MS nursery that mentioned AS when she was 4...and of course all the pieces fit for ASD.

DS is 17 months points, babbles, hugs, pretends with toys, so very different to DD. Looking back I remember her obsession with shoes and books at one year old, counting with the microwave, pingu for hours, playing alone, toiletting issues followed and routines.

We could have spotted it earlier but i was in denial...with DS Im still paranoid...watching him spin car wheels terrifies me. We cant win either way...so Ill just enjoy them with all their quirks. MN taught me I can face tough times and get through them. :)

By the time my ds was 20-24 months there were clear signs that he wasn't developing typically. If only I could go back in time. I don't even have the excuse that I was fobbed off by professionals - we had a therapy programme started as soon as I accepted something wasn't right, had nothing to do with professionals & diagnosis etc just my denial.

I've recently sat in on some ABA sessions with a 22mo who is so similar to ds at that age - god I wished we'd started 6 months earlier - so much time & potential wasted, we're always playing catchup now :(

it's always a bit spooky when those old posts come up and you read those old names again (including your own) isn't it? Nothing about your posts on that old thread smack of denial to me, by the way. You were engaged with the problem and curious and strategising.

I have the opposite reaction to old threads: it's only reading old posts (usually digging them up to assist others wanting specific advice) that makes me realise that what DS2 and I went through was a big deal.

In case anyone is interested, DS2 is now nearly 5.4 and thriving at school with just the odd quirk really. He's busy developing the social skills appropriate to a three-year old now ("you're my best friend/you're not my best friend, etc")and finally engaging (spontaneously) in long complex make-believe games with his brother. But when he was 3.6, I could still have written down not only every word he could say but every word he understood. You just don't know how the genes are going to make them unfurl, I guess.

lots of love to any of my old friends out there, whatever your name is now.

Hindsight is a great thing isn't it.

Super I can see really enormous differences between DD (15 months) and DS at that age, even though the signs at the time were so subtle. Know what you mean about watching out for the smallest of things though. DD is almost as interested in the washing machine as DS was at that age (and actually still to some extent is!) and I'm watching like a hawk, but I can just see how different she is - fully engaged with everyone and everything, sharing everything, and able to 'converse' in a reciprocal way that even now ds struggles with.

Btw were you woollytree?

Phlebas I totally share that about wishing we had started ABA sooner. We also started it before the dx but wish it was earlier. And it was only through a chance meeting/friendship with another mum who was doing it with her ds that I heard about it - thank god for that.

But at least we are both doing it now

Lingle helloooo!

I remember reading an early post of yours (2 or 3 years ago?) about your ds and musicality/speech, and stalked followed you and your ds's progress - really helped me.

I'm so, so pleased to hear how well ds2 is doing now - you put in an extraordinary amount of work with him, what a credit to you.

YOu know, there's a post from me on here from 2001 (name then was clairgod IIRC) about ds1's behaviour; he was 6 (2006) before he got a DX.

Don;t worry about it; it takes a big mix of acceptance, knowledge of what isn;t NT, general rediness and professionals willing to listen to get anywhere.

(Loves having Lingle pop back )

Sorry for the negativity BialystockandBloom, I'm having an everything crap (literally hohoho) day today. We all do the best we can do.

ABA programmes for very small children - babies really - are amazing though, the ultimate early intervention!

Bialy, ime its v hard to get taken seriously before three, even to get on bottom of waiting list. Chances are you wld have been fobbed off.

Lovely to see you again lingle, sorry i never contacted you about book

btw my ds story is q similar to lingles, main issue now is social not language which tho still a worry is something i cld not have dreamed of three years ago

Ah I can't even put it down to not being taken seriously by professionals - it was totally me (and DP I guess) not wanting to face up to it. Only when nursery raised their concerns about ds playing alongside other children did I get my head out of the sand and get onto a referral. Dx at first appointment. Bittersweet really.

Phlebas I can't help finding myself doing aba-lite on dd (15 mo and so-far nt)! Ds had a few sessions of textures recently and she even said 'squidgy' (and in context) the other day. She'll be doing the s-delta on me before long I reckon

Oh and meant to say sorry you're having a crap day. I've had a fair bit to clean up today too, if it makes you feel any better

I read that thread recently too Bialy and it reminded me of the excuses I used to make about DS3. I started posting on Behav & Dev about a year ago and a few lovely people tentatively suggested I post my concerns on the SN board, but I was too much in denial to do that for a while, convinced he was going to "catch up". If I'm honest, I still hope he will.

Lingle, I think it was in a post of yours that I first saw "More than Words" and "It takes two to talk" recommended (and thanks for saying they were available from Winslow - prices everywhere else were extortionate!) They have proved invaluable

Yes I was Woolytree. :)

I know what you mean DS seems completely NT in comparison...even if he does like spinning and playing with doors for ages, thats NT. But he expresses himself so much better than DD and watches and copies me all the time. :)

Phlebas I hope your day/week improves. :)

I think we've all done a bit of the denial thing.

Sometimes now I think that DS is 'only a bit autistic' Which is bonkers.

I think it's good to reflect a bit from time to time.

Oh and I had that Fattipuffs book when I was a kid...

Maybe I might change my name back - F&T gets so much recognition!

Spinkle, I still think that a bit too. And that it's not too late for ds to 'catch up'. Which is, as you say, bonkers, but in some ways ds is really surprising me with sudden, almost overnight developments and leaps in cognition.

I remember reading on this board a discussion about 'spiky profiles' (think it was Starlight). I'm coming to understand the real meaning of this more and more.

We could all beat ourselves up about having been in denial. For what it's worth, despite having 20y working with children and adults with various disabilities, I still managed to sustain complete denial until ds was 5 1/2.

This was despite implementing home-made ABA lite for social behaviour and flexibility from about 15 months and using Makaton plus all the 'more than words' techniques for even longer. And then I told the paediatrician and psychologist that there were only adhd issues and no social communication concerns. Till I noticed. Hey ho.