Leaving a "child" to look after a child with SN

[CameronCook]

DS is 13 and high functioning autism; DD is 7 and NT.

In a year or so I can well imagine being able to leave DD at home while I pop round the corner to post a letter etc; whereas at the moment I would be very reluctant to leave DS.

However, if DS had a friend of the same age with him, then I think I would feel confident to leave them, but am I putting too much responsibility onto someone elses DC?

And in a couple of years, could I reasonably leave DD (say when she's 10) to look after DS?

DS has a high IQ, very verbal (but in the semantic/pragmatic sense) and zero common sense, which can make him something of a loose cannon....

Ds12 ASD) can't be left alone yet and alhough ds1 is nearly 16 I dontleave him to look after ds.. It would end up in all out war If ds1 tried to stop ds doing something daft.
I dontthink it's overly fair on ds1 tbh.. But that is just me with our situation.

ds is twelve.. I don't have 12 ds's lol

that would keep you busy,Carrot !

Cameron;my dd is 14 and ds with sn is 7- she would like to look after him (would like some babysitting money)but I would not want her to have the responsibility-if something went wrong;if he had a meltdown etc.

It's a difficult one-if I was desperate,I think I would leave her in charge for 5 - 10 mins,but would not be happy if it was longer (dd is extremely capable,caring and sensible)

I can't leave Dd2[15] in charge of Dd3[8] with possible ASD, because Dd3 would not take instruction from Dd2 and would panic if something went wrong. I just don't think Dd2 would be able to handle her.

Dd2 does babysit with her friend sometimes for her friends little brother but no sp needs.

I leave DS (14 & HF ASD) on his own or accompanied by his friend in house for a couple of hours. Usually just plays on PS3 or computer.I make sure his mobile is on and next to him as he is often oblivious to landline ringing. Usually only leaves seat to raid food cupboard or fridge - wouldn't touch anything like cooker, toaster, sandwich toaster, kettle - too bone idle!
Did leave him & friend means to make sandwich once when had to go out over lunchtime - came back at 2.30pm & bread etc still there. His response - you're here now -you can make them! Believe me, I did not & as his friend was present, he didn't argue!!!
Wouldn't leave him on own all day though.

Cameron: I think issue here is - would your
DS be a danger to himself, would he have sense to get out if there was a fire and to not open the door if anyone called.

Thanks for the interesting responses.

bigbluebus - you've hit the nail on the head - yes he could be a danger to himself; he may panic and not have the sense to get out and he is unpredictable and while he would know not to open the door (as he's been told not to even when we are here), he may well do.....but if he were with a friend and therefore occupied then he probably would do what they do.

I think getting a younger dc to 'mind' an older one is a bit of a minefield. And the whole young carer thing can be problematic from an emotional viewpoint too.

I'm currently working on the assumption that my 4y old sometimes functions as a 5yo, but the 7yo often functions at a 3-4yo level. The power balance keeps changing and neither of them really has the upper hand. So the dynamics and constant fighting mean I doubt I'll leave them together till teenagehood at the earliest.

Leaving 2 same age friends together when one of them does have a bit of common sense sounds better. That said, a friend had her house ransacked (in a fairly minor way, luckily) by a teenage gang when the 'sensible' friend turned out to have some dodgy mates.

I leave DS[16] with DD2[15] if I have to he needs supervision rather than looking after if we go out for any length of time DD1[19] comes home to watch him. But she has looked after him since the age of 11/12.

My ds is 15 and dd is 7 both with autism. Their siblings are adults now so I do leave them with them.
I wouldn't if I were you in a couple of years leave dd responsible for ds because ds will be bigger stronger and dd wouldn't be able to call the shots.
With a friend I think you'd need to be confident that the friend was capable of taking charge and that ds would comply if needed and that the friend was happy to have the responsibility.

I'm really glad that most of the viewpoints here back up my own thoughts.

I have a very honest blunt friend who thinks I am a bit PFB and could ses no reason why I wouldn't start to give DS a bit more independence - she leaves her 10yo with her low functioning but very biddable 8yo while she nips out for ten minutes or leaves the 10yo to look after the 8yo and toddler in the car when she goes into a shop, so clearly she is more relaxed about it than I am.

I have heard that the legal position is that there is no lower age limit for children being left on their own. It is to do with parental judgement as to whether it is safe or not.