sudden school phobia

[pinkstarlight]

my son started at a mainstream secondary school last september has a statement and a full time TA.he settled really well and the school was really pleased with him as he was progressing and even made a number of new friends.

since december it all seems to have gone wrong and he sudenly hates school and has been begging me to homeschool him.

it all started when i got a phonecall because my son told his TA a close family member had swineflu,his TA rang in a panic i explained that it was no threat because this family member lived 60 miles away. got a 2nd call from the school sencho saying my son was poorly could i come and get him when i got there he was clearly fine with a big grin on his face, yet they was trying to tell me how ill he looked (they clearly didnt want him there)took him to the GP who thought it was funny because there was nothing wrong with him but he said to keep him off the rest of the week just to keep the school happy.he went back for 2 days then they broke up for christmas.

during november/december his TA had alot of time off sick and hes had support but different people per lesson who dont really know anything about him so hes had a fair bit of people not understanding his needs and expecting more than he can give plus he has a speech problems always worse if he gets nervous and on a few occasions hes not been able to make himself understood.

there has been other little niggles like he almost missed out on a school trip that he was looking forward to because his TA never sent the letter home causing confusion because i paid for one school trip and didnt know about the second.he was upset because the school said he couldnt go,i made a complaint then they changed their mind realising it was their fault.

since christmas things have got worse his TA shouted at him because he couldnt read a word he normally can(he has dyspraxia and has a very poor memory,he also has a language disorder so sometimes his words get stuck)i did report it and i know the school have talked to her. but according to my son she can be nice saying i know what your going through but in the same lesson she expected him to spell a 12 letter word he had neverheard of but he still tried and she snapped thats not it is it tut.
hes also had a couple of instances where an older boy has not been nice to him, this kid is not going out of his way to bully him ijust think hes a bit of a thug in general but hes really worked himself up over this.

as a result my son keeps saying hes not well the gp has treated him for stomach acid he also says it can be stress related but the pains are real.

im concerned about the time my sons had off school but the bigger issue he is very unhappy at school. i have had tears and shouting this morning and a firm refusual to go he even pushed me this morning across the kitchen, the only way i would have been able to get him there was if i had dragged him there which is pretty pointless when the school keep sending him home anyway because they cant do anything with him.

i rang the school and we have a meeting tommorrow which my son will also attend, we seen his paed last week and she put it down to pubity and told us that now we have all our diagnosis,hes statemented etc she wont need to see him again.

i know the easy option would be to home educate him,but it would be such a shame when hes always been so sociable.plus at the moment i get carers allowancance and his DLA is up for renewal this summer with the government cuts im worried they may stop it then as a single mum how could i work and home educate.

Tbh I'm not suprised he's worried about school... He's had a heck of a lot to contend with.

Bullet point what you have posted here and ask in the meeting how they intend to deal with and improve each area.. And ask for it to be in writing ( or take minutes and write a clarifying letter of their intentions).

TAs can't help being off sick.. However the school could make sure that he knows and trusts the support team.. Warning can be given if there is any changes in people working with him.. So that he knows mrs x won't be in today but mrs Y will be helping you... And that mrs y knows you.

I would make sure that the school are aware of his physical signs of distress and have a plan of action if this happens.

You could suggest an exit card for when he's feeling overwhelmed.. And a safe area for him to retreat to.. It may just give him a bit of confidence that he can escape the classroom if he needs to.. And gather himself back up again.
It's quite handy if the school put in place an exit card useage review as such.. Where he can explain why he needed to use it.. And the school can then work on making those areas better.

As it stands at the moment it seems there only plan of action is to call you and send him home! Which is just going to re-enforce home is a better place to be.

If you can get somewhere with these things .. I'd then tell him that you will review with him how it's going at staged points ( maybe weekly).
Remember to try and focus on small achievements amongst the crap stuff.

If his attendance is bad because of this the EWO may
be able to help or a family support person ( I think
most schools have one).

Also you can get referred to CAMHs who may be able to help.

And if it all fails home ed him.

I'd agree with the carrotcake about contacting ewo saying he is at risk of school refusal - what strategies can she recommend for you and more importantly for school to implement so that school is not a scary place for him? Also ask for an emergency appointment at CAMHS - cbt can work very well with teenage boys with high functioning asd. Above all push for as much help as possible now or you may find school refusal becomes long term. Home ed can be great but it would be better to choose it than be forced into it. (ds started refusing same stage as your's last year)

....about contacting ewo saying he is at risk of school refusal

How many times do I have to say don't use the term SCHOOL REFUSAL. It plays into their hands. It makes the school / EWO think he's choosing not to go - rather than school being an environment that just isn't supporting him.

I'd refuse to go to a school where the TA shouted at me.

Wouldn't you?

thanks for all your replies so far his reasons have been genuine for being off school and each time i have taken him to the GP,the school send him home as he says hes not well he cries so much they cant do anything with him.

but each day its a battle to get him to school and im having tears and tantrums all he keeps saying is i want you to home school me or i hate school.he gives lots of reasons why he hates school some of them are really silly like the teachers are to nice to him but some issues i can understand.

to be fair the school have tried to bend over backwards to support him and have tried to resolve every little issue he has. but its a big school and there are slip ups from time to time.he does have a exit card as such as part of his statement that he is to be given breaks from the classroom when needed as concentrating can exhaust him to the point he cant hold his head up.

i had to fight to keep him in mainstream school, he had his review in early december the feedback at that time was fantastic and he was doing really well.now hes refusing to even attempt work.

i have a meeting tomorrow im quite worried if this continues they are going to say they cant cope any more.

It sounds like he is stressed and not coping that well with all the demands of secondary school. Unsurprising - it is a huge transition and a daunting prospect for any child, particularly one with addiitonal needs.

Can the school offer him a less pressurised prospect? For instance, could he have some time in an inclusion centre - working one-to-one or in a small group - for at least some of his timetable? I don't mean this as a way of taking him out of mainstream long term, but do you think he might cope better with some more intensive support to keep him in school - just for now? I don't know if this is realistic in your son's school, but when a child starts refusing school, it is time for the school to get creative and think about how they can make that child feel more supported and happier in a school enviroment - by any means necessary!

Also, what are the school going to do to address the prospect of more long term sickness from the full time TA? One-to-one doesn't work anywhere near as well if the TA is chopped and changed. It must be really disconcerting for your son.

And do contact CAMHS - and let the school know you are doing so.

best of luck.

WetAugust.. your totally right on the wording of School refusal ( I have to kick myself before I go to say or right it and you are always in my head with your poking stick! :o)

and thank you as I was writing another letter about DS today and used worrying attendance due to lack of support in his school environment... rather than school refusal! :o

we went to the meeting today and went through a number of issues my son has the school have admitted that there are a number of faults on their side.

seems because my son is so high functioning and did so well last year his addictional needs are being forgot about,with such a vast improvement everyone has been pushing him to keep up with the class and hes overwhelmed by it all.the school are very annoyed with the staff as yes hes managing to keep up with the work but it may as well be in chinese as he does not understand any of it. it clearly states on his statement that my son is to work at his pace and level so he can understand and that basics need to keep being renforced.

hes much brighter when he came home from school seems his friends have been missing him and the school have promised to take him bowlling next week if he goes school for the rest of the week.

im just about to email his teacher as his TA has yet again forgot to fill in his contact book which is especially annoying at this time when hes unsettled.

WetAugust, I take your point that school refusal sounds on the surface like you are saying your dc is choosing not to go to school but it is the widely-used term in medical circles for refusal to go to school due to anxiety or emotional distress as opposed to truancy. That's not to say some of the people we have to deal with won't deliberately misconstrue it to suit their own purposes. I guess depending on who I was talking to I might use school phobia to make it less ambiguous.

Pinkorkid

My LA tried to use that term in relation to my own son's refusal to go to school to be assaulted and end up once again in A&E I say 'tried' because I gave it to them with both barrels.

If you let them away with using terms such as 'school refuser' you are permitting them to twist a situation to their benefit.

I do not accept that 'school refuser' is a medical term.

I do get very dismayed when I see it adopted by parents just because school / LA has used the term.

Most children, given a supportive and friendly environment choose to go to school - if they 'refuse' it's because the environment is not right for them.

School phobia sounds like a fair middle ground. Not just the child refusing, sounds medical and treatable, and leaves an open question about causation.

Disagree.
Phobia is an irrational fear.

Being in a place where you are abused and not supported is a completely rational fear and therefore not a phobia.

Phobias can be treated by desensitisation. How do you desensitise a child from being shouted at by his TA and where the other kids treat him negatively.

Its not school refusal / phobia .

It's a totally understandable dislike and unwillingness to be in such an oppressive environment.

i hate the term "school refuser" i would be very offended if my child was labled in that way especially as the stress and upset has caused my son to have physical symptoms.

if a child refuses to go to school it has to be because of negitive experiences or lack of support,if left unresolved i can see how it could easily turn into school phobia as fear sets in.

we had a very positive meeting today they listened to him and offered a number of suggestions and allowed him to make his own choices how the issues could be solved including no member of staff must never shout at him either take him to one side and talk to him or approach his form teacher who he has a good relationship with.he seemed very assured but its a case of seeing how he reacts tomorrow about going to school and if the school makes sure it sticks by there promises to support him.

Glad to hear you had a productive meeting.

Can't help thinking that you should not have had to negoiate something as fundamental as staff ceasing to shout at him .

Hope his day goes well tomorrow.

thanks wetaugust.. he was groaning this morning but didnt cry,the lure of bowlling next week has got him there.

wish I'd seen this thread yesterday - I used the term school refuser in a document. Never mind - will copy and paste the comments on here and reel them next time. You are right - it's not school refusal. Is an adult who gets signed off work due to stress labelled a work refuser? That would be so offensive!