Working whilst having extra needs children - is it possible?

[ReindeerBollocks]

Eldest DC has medical condition requiring extra care needs. Sometimes these are low maintenance and at other times it's really hard going.

Anyway, I have been studying for a while now and hope to be semi qualified in the summer. I have been at home for 2 + years (DCs dad was SAHD whilst also studying for 2 years before we 'switched' roles).

When DC is relatively well (as is currently the case) I would love to get back to work and feel lazy, despite the extra needs DC requires. Knowing I will be able to get a job in the summer which will support my current studies is spurring me on in wanting to look.

However, I am concerned that if I do get a job and DC deteriorates then I will have to give it up to care for DC. I was just looking for perspective and see what other SN parents do in terms of work. I don't think, given the profession I intend to go into, will be able to offer me flexible working, which would be ideal.

So its a WWYD? And any current experiences would be useful.

I adore my DC and it's not about putting my career ahead of the care needs, more of something to do in addition to the care needs.

I would have to consider how often DC deteriorates, how long before she generally picks up etc.

If it's not a case of every month you would need one/two weeks off work, I would be tempted to try and work, especially if you think it would fit in with the rest of the family etc. It does you good to get away sometimes.

If working doesn't work out for whatever reason you can always leave, but you will never know if you don't try. You may fall on your feet and have an understanding employee for those times your DC has downturns

Not sure about your specific circumstance but have you considered what child care you might use?

I work shifts and have an AMAZING childminder who has first hand experience of SN. There's nothing she wouldn't do to help me look after DS and she's also been extremely flexible and accommodating.

Do you think it's possible for you to find someone similar?

I work part time & it is only possible becaue my boss is very lovely & flexible.

It is easier now he is at school but before I had a very good childminder.

I can not get childcare for ds. I work my hours mostly in evenings, weekends and school hours. I also take casual contract hours as well as a my contracted hours for flexibility. It is not ideal but it means that we can cover school holidays between dh and I.

Good luck. I didn't think I would be able to work but we have managed to find a way.

I used to work but gave up because DD was so frequently ill and for long periods. My job, although meant to be part-time, wasn't, it was very demanding and based in London. She is now more stable and I would like to do something. I would not return to working in London as it's too far if she's ill. I am also concerned at making a commitment I can't keep. I am therefore considering starting my own business from home.

Having an understanding employer may help, but I would also consider locality, whether the job involved tasks that had legal or other deadlines (is if you were off for a week would this cause problems to the company), whether you could take work home if DS was ill and the likelihood of him becoming unwell again.

Best of luck, whatever you decide.

Depends why you want to go out to work! Is it because you need the money or because you want to do something for you and feel fulfilled? I gave up work 11 years ago because childcare too difficult once DD started school. We live in rural area & not able to get 1-1 care for 3 hrs a day (split) and school holidays.
We are fortunate enough to manage on one income - just - so I do a number of voluntary jobs in term time, which I enjoy - and if DD is ill, I can just bow out with legitimate reason and with no guilt.

I ahven;t yet manaaged to but it's aprtly becuase of completely sill factors- eg no lcoal childminder can take ds3 as the local school run is exactly the same time they would need to be home for taxi drop off (right PITA that can be!).

DS1 is aggressive so a no-no again.

I am going back to work for myself a little bit, and hope to then train and work around dh when he qualifies but it's take a goodly number of years and retraining to manage to make that a possibility.

So the answer is it depends on so much.

It is possible Peachy as apparently 1/3 of all working age carers are in paid employment (obviously not all of these care for children but a good %'age). However, part of my dissertation on services for carers with children with disabilities showed that there isn't adequate support generally to enable this. Plus the demans of the child/ren make it nigh on impossible in many cases.
I suppose some of it depends on what services are available in your area too- your local carers centre may be able to help or perhaps you could contact your local auth for a list of childminders, those with SEN training.
You are entitled to work. Have you had your 'carers assessment of need' (must be legally offered to you by social services) carried out by your childrens social worker? If you have one already, maybe you could get it updated with your desire to work. Social services are meant to enable this by providing suitable respite/care etc. Whether they will or not is another matter of course!

Oops sorry that was meant for OP (sorry Peachy!)

Unpaidcarer can I ask what degree you did? As I am doing a similar dissertation for my MA in ASD LOL

I used to work but found that i was having to ask for too much time off to attend appointments and when my dd was ill so the head at the school i worked at kind of nicely told me it really was not working any more and that it might be better if i left.

Oh WRt to carer's assessment our ssd corrently describes AS as not a disability although theya re looking at changing that criteria. there is provision at the SNU but nothing for the MS kids with SN; the local school doesn;t offer any wrap around care so it would be a nanny only and that's way beyond our affordability lvel plus DH hates working from home with oher poeple about.

The plan is for DH to qualify and take over childcare and we will use a temp Au Pair long term.

Reindeer, most things are possible, it just depends on the sacrifices that you're prepared to make to get what you want.
I had a great job before DCs. Regardless of SNs, i could not have returned to that job as i have no support network. SNs add an extra dimension with appointments, meetings and opportunities for childcare. I will re-train and find a flexible position, with the knowledge that if that didn't work out, i would be back to a SAHM.
But i know that i am in a lucky position not to have to work. I can't imagine the pressure if i had to have an income.

I would like to mention at this point that it might be worth posters to google Sharon Coleman- a lady with an SLD son who was constructively dismissed from her work- a firm of lawyers of all things- who took it to European courts who upheld her complaint and it is now written in the new social security act (I think it's that one)
She was sacked for wanting flexible hours to care for her son. Her firm were pigs about it basically.

Peachy- my degree is in The Sociology of Health and Social Care. Did it FT and finished with a 2:1 in June 09. I got a first for my dissertation which was on policies and Practice for working age parent/carers of children with disabilities.
What is your masters in may I ask? What yr are you in? How are you finding it?
some of my friends did Masters, I was asked but TBH had had enough of academia by then! In a way I wished I had done it.
Was about to mebark on a PGCE but had to have a major op in Nov which needed up to 12 wks recovery and now I've gone off the idea as there are no teaching jobs here anyway. Shame though. :)

inpa1d it's in Autism, doing the last taught module (stats, done all the ASD ones already) and then dissertation- very part time LOL. First degree in religion and philosophy, coudln't get to teacher training around carers duties so decided to do it given a former job with HomeStart- not sure whether to do PGCE or MA Social Work next, cost a big factor.

The course is good; stuff like DX etc I mainly knew anyway although getting to discuss and research is excellent: courses like the aetiology one I completed last month have been far more challenging.

If I teach it will be in with kids with SEN / AN. It just depends on getting a place on the course really- am applying for a hundred different things (or so it seems) next year; also self employed in carer and asd support but that's a v v v new and little thing for experience.

Wow that's fantastic Peachy well done you! I'm sure you'll be ace at it too.

When i was doing my dissertation there was a lot of stuff I knew, or knew vaguely (from experience) but it's surprising how much I learnt form researching. It was mainly policy based and covered respite/employment/health, although I also interviewed 8 parent carers too for the 'personal touch'! The reality of caring.
I need to do something else now, just what though. I'm getting on now and don't want to be the eternal student, and like you say cost is important (i'll be dead before I pay my loans off!). Think I just want a job now, one that fits in with the boys, makes me happy and pays a fortune would be good!

You know Birmingham does a distance (online IIRC) MA in Autism so you could combine with work? it's somewthing you an always bear in mind.

But yes absolutely for job: I need to make some money! DH is a student (post redundancy) but where we live is really high in the unemployment stakes- so training means moving forwards at elast

Same here Peachy, my area has one of the highest for unemployment and what is available is minimum wage or seasonal work. Defo not what I'm after. I would like something that works with/for carers (good pay would be a massive help too) but there's nothing remotely like it.

Sorry RB I seem to have monopolised your thread.

unpa1d no tehre's not much about for carers which is why my dream is a charity that mentors people through and 2 yerars after ASD dx (like homestarts meets my quals LOL)- maybe one day?

Leoniw have a chat about the transfer at the uni- they might be able to, it varies, but most take carers of kids with ASD and a HE history anyhow. Costs are tough but ours has quite a lot of payment plans as well which helps. And it might help you get some worka round that if it's already set up and applied for? Say, TA or support work? If I could find something like that then my fees would be not that bad for an MA- they're £151 PCM 6 months of a year.

reindeer,
i've worked on and off and used a variety of different childcare options. by far and away the best option was of course the most expensive - live out nanny. i deliberately looked for one with sn experience, discussed lots of disability issues with candidates, and made it clear i was expecting them to take dd2 to routine therapy appointments. i took time off for anything out of the ordinary. the ot/ physio/ slt etc were happy that the nanny would attend for therapy sessions, but they would feedback to me.

you have to be earning a good amount for it to work out (we had to buy another car for me to get to work as with 3 dcs it was better for the nanny to use our (knackered old) people carrier).

we've also used childminders, a private nursery, and (when dd2 was old enough) after-school clubs. but with kids with medical stuff, you need to have someone who can keep them at home .

dh is army, so we've not really had a back-up in the form of nearby relatives (i'm assuming you don't have a kindly rellie living round the corner for emergencies) but there will be options, you just have to keep going until you ferret them out.

Hi Leonie,
Would you not be entitled to grants/student loans? I never paid a penny towards my degree- ok so I've got a £25k debt but hey ho, I'll be way dead before that's paid, and I'm saving the govt that every month by not putting my boys into resd care!
Also I got burseries and hardship funds as a carer which really helped.
Admittedly I wasn't entitled to other benefits and had to pay full mortgage and countil tax for hubby (even tho he's also an unpaid carer) but still worked out ok.
would it be worth asking your local ed auth?

Ah student finance is magic for helping out IME

Choose your course wisely it'll largely fit around the kids, you'll get an income and be positively moving towards an aim: choose a uni on the basis of family friendliness though and not RG status- people still laugh at me for turning down Bristol in favour of Newport but a thousand times over it was right for us as Newport is really good for famillies and the living costs are low.

Leonie I don;t think you are that far from me really- 1.5 hours last time we did it. We really should try and meet up one hols or weekend you know.