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SN children

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Original poster

anyone else fear for their childs safety when they become a teenager?

15 replies

autumnsmum · 28/01/2011 07:11

Hello autumnsmum here I live in East London and Idont know if anyone saw on the news a horrific incident where a teenager was killed by a bus after being chased by a gang.My son has asd and im so scared about his teenage years, he is very naive and Idont think he would be able to see a potentially threatening situation, although hes only in primary school it really worries me anyone else got these concerns?

OP posts:

Spinkle · 28/01/2011 07:38

Absolutely. That's why we moved to a tiny village and send DS to a village school (even though the school seems to be a bit crap). We hope that his peers will get to know him, the locals will understand him and hopefully keep an eye out for him.

We can only hope

I also hope that there will be more understanding (and acceptance) of differences by the time my DS gets to teenagehood.

coldtits · 28/01/2011 07:45

yes. This is why we are going to continue to live in a town where I know roughly half the people my age, and I get us known with the shopkeepers.

because the thing about Ds1 is, he's high functioning (very) and will want to have the same level of independence as his peers. Which he currently can't have.

I'm thinking of pitching his 'level' the same as his little brother, and making them go EVERYWHERE together, as kids 3 years younger are less likely to notice 'oddness' of his naturity level.

It's girls that scare me, actually, he's going to be a good looking young man, and I really don't want him being chased by 13 year old girls when he's 17/18 but has the maturity of a 13 year old. he'd be pleased. That way lies jail. I'm going to have top DRILL the law into his impulsive little head.

Spinkle · 28/01/2011 07:52

Oh goodness, I hadn't thought of that...

Little girls at school already like to 'mother' him...

HecateQueenOfWitches · 28/01/2011 07:55

No. I'm not worried. As children, I will never let them go out without an adult. They would not be safe. They will probably continue to require support as adult. At the moment their support si me and/or my husband. When they are older, if they move into some sort of supported accomodation then they will have sw.

Or it'll still be me and / or my husband. the way things are going.

They are vulnerable and it's not wise to put them in a situation where they are at risk. So I won't.

Every child is dfferent and we all have to decide whether or at what age ours have the skills to go out alone.

LegoLady95 · 28/01/2011 08:25

I do worry. I don't think my DS will ever be able to go out alone, but I worry that he will end up being a huge 6ft lad and i won't be able to keep him safe. Like other posters I don't intend to move from the village I have lived in most of my life, where all my family are and everybody knows us. I also hope his brother (only 15 months younger) will be able to help me with the running after him a bit!

Original poster

autumnsmum · 28/01/2011 09:48

Thanks everyone for replying I think what Hecate says is true my son will have to go out with an adult for as long as necessary Iwould love to move but im in council temporay accomadation so would be v difficult

OP posts:

ArthurPewty · 28/01/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

borderslass · 28/01/2011 10:06

DS is 16 and has not been out on his own since the age of 7 due to the fact he had his mouth slashed by another 7 year old for being different, on one occasion when he was about 9 I was bringing him home from his only friends house and he was dragging his light sabre along the ground near a house when the woman came out and told me to "keep my little shit away from her house" unfortunately I was to stunned to reply to her with attitudes like this what chance do our kids have.

asdx2 · 28/01/2011 10:51

Ds is 16 and can't be in the house alone so is never out of the house unaccompanied.He is actually invisible in our village because he is taxied to and from school and we don't use local facilities. I intend to keep it that way tbh because there are plenty of scumbags close by who would delight in tormenting somebody a bit different

amabiggirlnow · 28/01/2011 11:07

I remember seeing a documentary about abuse against disabled people, it had some awful scenes in Hastings where a man was constantly bullied. He said that he was much happier in London as people were used to diversity there. Villages can be nice if you find one with supportive folk, but they can be very closed and narrowminded too.

I live in a big city and I sometimes I do worry. I refuse to keep DS wrapped up in cotton wool though and I want him to be able to go out independently and to be able to work and socialise. He goes to a special school where they teach all the social skills and life skills to support him with this. Tbh, the fact that he goes to special school and not one of the local comps means that it's less likely that he'll be affected by the local gangs here - all the violence tends to be internal and it's rare for bystanders to get caught up in it.

Original poster

autumnsmum · 28/01/2011 11:24

Borders lass that is truly horrifying

OP posts:

Thecarrotcake · 28/01/2011 11:52

We moved away from near London to a smaller community, what I didn't realise was there was a big 'gang' type mentality.. We moved out and now have settled in a bigger town where ds is 'invisable'.. But where you know some of your neighbours ( in a good way).
At the moment it is a happy medium... Now just to sort out A change in school which again will really help.
( ds's. School at the moment are telling him to turn the other cheek when he has issues with large gang like groups! ).

Barring that he is not allowed to be on his own when he goes out.

springlamb · 28/01/2011 14:12

We live in south London and over the past year DS has been popping round to the local shop in his power wheelchair for bits and pieces. He always has a positive experience, always comes back with a bit of local gossip or someone he has chatted too.
Of course, this may be due to the fact that I tie a very large dog to his wheelchair.

I think as DS grows older he will gravitate towards the 'disabled' world and his social activities will centre around clubs etc for disabled sports and things. And I hope his sister and cousins of around his age will continue to be a support to him.

I know it shouldn't have to be like that, inclusion blah blah blah, but we live in the real world don't we.

coldtits · 28/01/2011 16:57

One of the local disabled kids mooches around with the rest of his 'gang', hanging round the corner shop and smoking when he shouldn't be. he uses a power chair, and although I'm SURE his mother wouldn't be too pleased with what he actually does, he's only being normal with his mates. This pleases me.

springlamb · 28/01/2011 18:44

That is not my boy coldtits.
He strongly disapproves of smoking. He's a good boy.
[OK I've caught him in the conservatory helping himself to the alcohol]
[Oh, there was that occasion when I suddenly walked into his room and it certainly wasn't a Disney film clip he was watching]

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