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SN children

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Original poster

Letter from school about behaviour. WWYD?

26 replies

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 10:53

DD2 (12)- waiting for assessment - possible AS. Hates school struggle to get her there every day.

Anyway - Just got a letter through the post saying she was sent out of tutorial for throwing pens and using 'innapropriate language'.

School have been crap. They have refused any sort of help. I have spoken to so many different people asking for someone to do something and have had very little back.

So. Do I ring them and ask why she was not engaged in school work? why she has the time to throw stuff around? and why her behaviour is deteriorating to this level?

or leave them to deal with it?

OP posts:

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 10:58

sorry - blue-tit stuck in greenhouse - didn't finish.

I meant to add - up until the last month or so she's never been a problem while in school, only at home. Maybe if she does start misbehaving in school they'll make some sort of plan for her?

and how do I make a small thick bird find the greenhouse door?

OP posts:

wasuup3000 · 27/01/2011 10:58

How are they supporting her in school - do they have a TA who can support her or similar until you get a dx or further funding?

Al1son · 27/01/2011 11:01

It may help your DD if you ask for a meeting with schoolto discuss what's going on. You can ask for the teacher involved in this incident, her class tutor if that's a different teacher, and the school SENCo to attend so that you can examine the underlying issues which are causing this behaviour.

You could ask your local parent partnership group to attend to support you too.

That way your getting them to take some responsibility for addressing her difficulties rather than just laying it at your door.

maryz · 27/01/2011 11:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 11:07

She gets nothing in the way of support from school
SENCo are not interested because she hasn't got a diagnosis.
Have got contact withparent support person who is nice. Had a meeting just before christmas when the student liaison and her personal tutor were supposed to be there - they weren't.
This incident was with an emergency cover, not her usual tutor.

Maybe I'll email parent support woman and ask her what to do next.

OP posts:

maryz · 27/01/2011 11:11

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Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 11:14

have emailed deputy head who sent the letter (pp'd by someone else) and requested a call back.

lovely day off i'm having.
bird is now out of the greenhouse.

OP posts:

maryz · 27/01/2011 11:17

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Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 11:18

incident was yesterday - which explains this mornings foulness.

thanks for keeping me sane (ish)

OP posts:

zzzzz · 27/01/2011 11:20

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Ineedalife · 27/01/2011 11:20

Fwiw I think maryz advice to keep putting the ball back in their court is brilliant. You have been telling them that she has issues and they haven't been listening.

Dd3's school refuse to acknowledge her issues she doesn't have a dx either, she is in y3 and we are really hoping to get a dx before she goes to secondary.

I often expect to get a call from school saying that Dd3 has melted down but she is still able to hold it together at the moment.

I hope someone phones you and offers some sensible help for your Dd's sake [and yours].

Ineedalife · 27/01/2011 11:24

zzz, you are right of course a child shouldn't need a dx in order to get support in school!!

But in reality they do. Without a dx the schools can keep saying that they fall within the normal range or that they don't see the issues.

Al1son · 27/01/2011 11:29

SENCo needs a kick up the because SEN provision is needs led, not diagnosis led. There are plenty of children out there who have statements without diagnoses. I hope parent support will feel able to point this out to her.

Go higher with this until you find someone who will take responsibility for getting the support your DD needs.

The fact that she doesn't want to attend is very telling. She is clearly finding something unmanageable and is trying to tell you and school that she can't cope. If someone doesn't sit up and listen she will start to refuse school. If that happens it will all be ten times harder.

You could also ask for her to be seen by the educational psychologist. The SENCo is probably the gatekeeper for this service and may block it. You can either deal with this but pushing hard and complaining to the head or by doing a bit of detective work to find out the number for the ed psych who covers your school and phoning them for advice. It's a bit unconventional but that worked for me last year when my 12 year old DD was in a similar position.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 11:41

She's been refusing on and off for years.
am writing a list for if/when this one rings back.

OP posts:

SummerRain · 27/01/2011 11:51

is the blue tit still stuck? throw a towel over it and scoop it up and transport it outside

What sort of dicipline methods do they use in the school.... several times ds1's school refusal has been directly linked to the way they dicipline him in school (bold tables, fucking rainclouds..... very public and 'made and example of' sort of stuff)... he's a lot younger than your dd though and dyspraxic as opposed to AS so may not be relevant to her situation. We find though that being picked out and diciplined in front of the whole class completely unhinges him and puts him offf school completely.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 11:54

had phonecall. same bollocks. going to email all her teacher so find out what she's like in class and get back to me next week.
I shall email parent liaison woman.

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Al1son · 27/01/2011 12:43

The usual frustrating response then! Hope parent liaison comes up with something for you.

ruth105 · 27/01/2011 13:14

As she may have SEN have you tried the ipsea or ACE website? I found the help lines usful if you can get through, 3pm best. ACE have some standard letters you can use to write to the school. You can get a copy of her school record, you might have to pay for copying. The LEA may have a specialist teacher for AS, so you could request a visit. I phoned the Ed psyc at the LEA for my son as things got so bad. Look for the schools code of paractice on the web, there are proceedures for SEN and disability discrimination tribunal. If her behaviour is a problem at school have they got an individual education plan for her? I have twins with behaviour and school refusal problems. Good luck

tibni · 27/01/2011 13:21

Sorry your dd (and you) are feeling stressed.

I tend to lurk more that post but I have a ds with severe ASD and worked for PP for a few years so I might be able to add a few suggestions.

Is dd yr 7 or 8? If yr7 she is still really new to the whole secondary level - which is tough for any child. Is she being assessed for a possible diagnosis? Are any other agencies involved that may offer you support?

I would suggest a face to face meeting with school and the PP worker with you. As suggested be very positive that school want to involve you and work with you but have specific questions on how you are all going to move forward to support dd.

Off the top of my head
What level of need has been identified?
How are they dealing with your dd anxiety which leads to problems with behaviour?
What records are being kept to identify areas that are difficult / triggers?
What Behaviour Support Plans are in place?
Who is responsible for behavioural support?
How often are the plans reviewed?
Can you have a copy? (prob not in place)
Does the school have a student support area - can your dd access it? (often quieter and less stressful for students)
Can school refer for EP assessment
Are there areas of the day that need differentiating? (lunch can be a trigger or rowdy tutorials)
Is there a system in place that dd can use to show that she is not managing a situations - red/amber/green cards are usual.
Does the LA have Behavioural Support Team that could work with her (mine do and they are brilliant at identifying and supporting students)

Make sure with any discussion that minutes are taken with who is to take responsibility for any action / what timescale they will complete the action in and also confirm a date for the next meeting so the situation is reviewed.

It is a little difficult and lots I have said may not apply to your dd. Use your understanding of your dd to focus on the things she needs.

Sorry to post and run but i'm just about to go out to work. Don't get in until after 8pm and then will be caught up in mad house but will try and check back later.

Really hope your dd has had an ok day.

maryz · 27/01/2011 14:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

AtYourCervix · 27/01/2011 15:25

i always feel a bit of a fraud whinging/posting here about her because officially i don't know what's wrong with her. but TBH it would save a long boring explaination every time.
due home from school shortly. bracing myself....

OP posts:

signandsmile · 27/01/2011 19:23

I'm sorry I am not making light of situtation but when I read first post I thought who is blue tit stuck in greenhouse?

Al1son · 27/01/2011 22:26

You are absolutely not a fraud or a whinger! Lots of people post about children who are being assessed or have been refused a dx. That's often the hardest time for parents.

I hope things were ok after school today.

cornsilk · 28/01/2011 07:15

OP have I spoken to you before about your dd (under a different name?)Agree with what has been already said about applying for a statement and about not needing a dx for support. Is she with CAMHS?

cory · 28/01/2011 08:01

Maryz is spot on: agree with the school and ask for help. Say, yes this shows that she has definitely got a problem, we are very concerned, what can be done?

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