desperately need advice re possible ADHD or similar?

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my ds1 is 4.7. He reached his milestones very early and i was told he was very intelligent. When he got to about 2 i started having problems with his behaviour at preschool. Being aggresive to other children for no obvious reason. Alot of it was put down to him not being stimulated enough. Anyway i then had ds2 so his behaviour was put down to him having a new brother. He spent 2 years at preschool. I am in process of divorcing the boys dad and we split up about a year ago. His behaviour was then put down to lifes circumstances. Anyway before he started school in september i had a meeting with his teacher and told her my concerns. She said lets see how he goes. After a few weeks she said yes we need to help him so he was put in a 'nuture group'. His behaviour got worse and i was told when he started full time in jan he'd settle down and be fine.

however he just gets worse. He is a very intelligent and loving little boy but is turning into a jekyll and hyde character that i cant cope with. One minute he will be fine, perfectly normal and happy and then for no apparant reason is very aggresive and abusive. After these 'episodes' when im talking to him he apologises and acts like it never happened. He is getting into alot of trouble at school and his teacher said he will start to suffer academically if this isnt resolved.

The headteacher has been on the phone to CAHMS who i was told had a year waiting list. I have an appointment in 10 days with an educational physciatrist at the school to discuss ds.

something def isnt right with him. He is tired alot of the time (he says) which obv wont help behaviour but today when we came out of school, his friend wasnt walking home like usual and ds started kicking ME saying he hated me, he wanted never to see me again etc etc. He was refusing to walk, screaming, shouting, pulling on the buggy. somebody had to help and push the buggy whilst i carried ds1 home having to carry him in a locked position because he was hurting me.

These sort of things are happening more and more frequent. I avoid going out in public with him as his behaviour is so unpredictable. As a baby he thrived on routine and is still the same now. If something differs, or something happens he isnt aware of he cant cope with it. Like i say he is VERY intelligent. He will also randomly start running around and screaming. or he will pace up and down whilst watching tele.

its so upsetting trying to deal with it. ive tried everything with him but he is turning into something that i dont like very much at times. My gp is on my side thankfully, but i need as much advice as i can get to make sure this is dealt with effectively as its really wearing me down. Ive researched ADHD and autism, are there any other things that this could be? 2 of his dads cousins are autistic and my brother has aspergers, if that could mean anything?

any advice ill greatfully take.

Could possibly be ASD. Or any number of other things.

Go to your GP and ask for a referral to a child development paed.

In some areas CAMHS dx and in some areas paed's do.

You clearly have concerns that he has some sort of disorder so you need to see your GP and, as Indigo says, get referred to either CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) or a developmental paediatrician. Which one it should be depends on your area but your GP will know.

I found it easier not to take my daughter with me when I asked for the referral because it meant I could speak about her freely without worrying about upsetting her.

In the meantime I would try reading up on Asperger's Syndrome and seeing if you think he fits the profile. Tony Attwood is very good and has written quite a few books on the subject.

thanks for replying. We have been referred to CAMHS through the school. I know its just a waiting game but seeing the physciatrist is the first hurdle apparantly? Im making sure im seeing him on my own without either ds. Just unsure what will happen next and worry they'll just try to fob it off on me and his dad divorcing (like xdh keeps doing)

We have been through a similar experience in terms of behaviour and process. The first breakthrough came when the school nurse offered to fill the box ticking questionnaires for ADHD and Asperger. I would advise to find these questionnaires even on internet. You may find some questions incomprehensible and definitely not like your DS. We did at first. . To spare the tedious details the dx took 4 years, because of the complexity of his condition. Basically the doctors could not see one condition behind the symptoms of the other, all confused by the fact that he is talkative and doing well academically. So we got sidelined and put out of the circuit a few times.

If you are interested to speed-up the process I would suggest in a nutshell to be ahread of them and to work on all fronts - GP and school, Paediatrician and CAMHS. To be ahead you might want to read Tony Attwood before your meeting. It really helped us to interpret, to put in a context some of the questions that without the reading we could not relate too. Might be just us,

Best of luck