Not SN child but might be SN adult

[lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs]

Ok, need some advice for those with older ones who might be able to help.

I belong to a support group especially for girls. I found out the old co-ordinator for the junior section was stepping down in sept to focus on the transition for her dd from junior to senior school.
I had quit my job so said I would step in, as my dd1 was just going into juniors and i like to keep busy.
So I take over but this lady is driving me insane. She doesnt listen to what I say, so for example, new rules are we not meant to book out loads of activities for the girls because its too stressful sorting out lists and money so meant to do emails out saying "I thought this would be good for girls, will be there this date this time anyone fancy coming turn up" iyswim

Yet Im still getting emails from her saying "think we should book this"!! I have repeated myself loads and tonight she was again emailing saying, Im going to book this for the girls!! I just dont know if I can continue to do this role with her on my back! Im pretty sure she has some sort of ASD, but I just dont know what to do.

Not really needing replies, just need to rant really.

How annoying! It sounds as if you have walked into a hassle rather than an enjoyable activity. Is this lady due to leave any time soon?

this is the thing, its not a job, its done as a voluteer. Her DD has ASD too so she will always be there as a parent and she is staying on as secerty (one word i cannot spell).
In one day I got 5 emails from her!!
Im trying to make it easier on the parents Im supporting by not sending out loads of emails, and also not tying them down to bookings, so that they feel they have to come, even on a bad day :(
I dont want to quit, the founder of the group has stepped down from alot of duties as her little girls is getting older and following a different path.
Im looking forward to doing so much with the fazmilies.

How annoying and stressful

(and if it makes you feel better I can spell secratry either!)

I've had people a bit like this when I ran a support group and was involved in parents' stuff at special school.
I think you have to politely do it your way. That may mean ignoring many of the emails or at least not responding. If she pulls you up just say, "yes I'm dealing with it" or "I'm not sure its a good idea". I bet she can't even remember half the emails she sends, I hope she isn't someone who wants follow up on every details, argh. Is there another parent you can recruit as your ally and be honest with them? Any mate in the group o back you up? There will always be people who give you work to do, thinking that is what you are there for. It is hard at first but you have to resist them. Good luck, poor you!

I know someone JUST like this. She's lovely ... but once she gets an idea into her head it is extremely hard to derail her.

you need to grab her, and very kindly but very clearly tell her what 'too many activities' means. You have a vague idea in your head about how many activities is too many - but she seems to be so wrapped up in the idea of 'activities' that she's not actually keeping track.

She needs a visual timetable - helpful for anyone who is at all like this - so that she can see what is already booked.

Ah, the joys of group dynamics! She sounds like she's passionate about this group and very involved. Is there a way to harness this passion and overlook the OTT stuff she's doing?

Who takes responsibility for advertising and organising the activities she is booking? If it is you, can you suggest to her that you will take responsibility for the outings that you have decided as a group you will do and get her to take responsibility for all the random events she's booking? As soon as she has to do the work, she might think it's not such a good idea.

Can you ignore some of it too, if it is something that isn't that important or inconvenient? Quite a lot about running a group is learning to hold your tongue and be diplomatic without completely compromising yourself and others.

she isnt meant to be sorting activities at all, that my role, which she gave up LOL.
Its hard because I dont mind offers of help but as im the one that has to be there at activities to co-ordinate them, think its best if i arrange them on a day I can be there :) I love ideas, Im happy for someone to email me and say "how about this place" as long as it doesnt require things like taking booking, deposits ect because thats what used to happen and its not fair on the voluteers. Does that make sense?
I have to send out all the activities info to your memebers (about 80 at last count) or any infomation that might be of intrest, BUT I would rather send 1 email out than send 3, so if infomation comes in that insnt time sensitive I might wait and send out with next email rather than rush to email people.

I tried to be very polite last time and said "why this is a good idea, we are trying to get away from booking stuff, so wont beable to do this, but happy to send out email telling people others are going if they wish to join you".
She replied back "well I dont mind, I have booked 20 tickets and will sort it out myself!"
I cant moan about her in RL as its not fair on her, I know her hearts in the right place but she is driving me nuts.

How about starting a Yahoo EGroup for your group? That way anyone who has an idea can spontaneously inform the others. I have run several EGroups for the support group I ran and parents at various schools. It works very well.

How about sending everything in a daily/weekly "update" email? That way people only get the information once, from you, and it'll take so long to get accurate numbers that booking things will become completely impractical?

Or you could stuff her into the oven of your gingerbread house and serve her in sandwiches the next time you have a meeting

I like the second idea

we have website with a forum and they all have my email address and phone number too, and tbh not many of them get online like we do
I like the stuffing her in the oven idea but think people may think poorly of me
weekly email is possible but tbh there isnt always new info weekly and would then be repeating myself alot!

Monthly, maybe, or fortnightly. The idea is to force her to stop bugging everyone while reassuring her that information is still being reliably spread

You could include "news" in it - new classes, groups, fun days, local politics...

Weekly email is a lot of work too. Fortnightly sounds good and you can always say "hope all well, no news this week".

Oven joke aside, I suppose you do have to tread the fine line between being tolerant and being taken advantage of. If she does have some ASD she probably might not be as offended as you fear if you don't follow things up asap (treading fine line there myself!).

lisa, I'm a bit worried that someone might feel they could guess who the individual is. I know you're probably not really called 'lisa' but the asd world is fairly small. I asked MN to delete one of my posts a while back when I said more than I had intended. Not sure if that;s appropriate here or not so apologies if i'm intefering.
best wishes
maria