What do we do now?

[tryingmybest13]

Hi everyone,

I did update from my previous messages re SENCO thinking ds = ASD. Briefly, he had already been to CAHMS and nothing there. I took him to my GP for long appointment and he said who said no way, just a smart kid, and can't think why school would want to refer him. I've had no reports about DS from school since I met with SENCO and the NQT. DS seems fine - if thinking teacher acting oddly.

I bumped into SENCO today in the school corridor. She said she still hasn't met DS but would write him a social story once she had taken advice from someone about how to write one (she mentioned asking speech therapist who comes into school for other children). No differential work for DS in terms of high ability - SENCO still stuck on jigsaw idea. I was patient but told her what GP had said. She was very unhappy with me and GP. She said he was underminning her diagnosis (yup) - in front of lots of parents I might add - and he was wrong to interfere in school business (but he isn't!) and she is 'on top of ds's issues.' I asked her for everything in writing about him, but she said while that can happen it is not needed. She looked weepy and I am a very calm and nice woman, so if I upset her..well, how do I deal with a weepy SENCO?

Where on earth do we go from here? Back to GP? Insist on a referal to CAHMS? I know GPs can't diagnose - but neither can SENCO. And would be fine with no dx if school handling him as a whole child...but I feel so far, not so good.

Fwiw, I think they are both i the wrong, the GP should not have said "No way" and the SENCO has seriously overstepped the mark in trying to Dx you son.

What does your Ds find difficult at school and were you worried when CAMHS sid they didn't see any issue?

Thanks!
The GP said no way based on CAHMS report, HV's stuff and 30 minute chat to him. But I agree with your point entirely.
From my earlier thread www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/1119682-SENCO-and-no-clue-to-what-might-be-the-issue
Firstly, that sometimes during carpet time, DS would appear not to be paying attention and would go into a ?dream world? and, sometimes, this would be expressed by some slight moving about which distracted the teacher and other kids. The teacher said sometimes it took 3-4 attempts to get him to respond to her but he always knew the answer to her questions, so she wasn?t sure if he was listening or not. Secondly, that while he had a good friendship group there had been four occasions in the playground where DS had over-reacted to some comments made by other children (not in the friendship group) about the games they were playing, which had resulted in lots of crying and he couldn?t calm down easily and stressed/anxious about his crying ? upset he had upset everyone.. Teacher said he was anxious and scared and had scared her and the other kids. Thirdly, that during group work for literacy he was now not finishing his work and staring into space so she couldn?t give him planned extension work. She said she knows he can do the work (and beyond) so worried that he can?t control his ?out of world experiences.?

No, I wasn?t worried when CAHMS said he was ok because since then school has been fine with no problems ? until he moved school. So have been very worried again and now just utterly confused. SECNO hasn?t ever met my son and I think she needs to do so. He has a great friendship group (no worries there from school) and is academically very, very able (no worries there from school re : imaginative work etc). So not sure what I need to look for???

SENCO can't dx him anyway but she hasn't even met him! What does your instinct tell you?

Cornsilk - my instinct is that none of it adds up to what I see on a daily basis at home/social places/play dates/swimming club. But what if I am totally wrong? Obviously, I am going to think I am missing lots - and maybe I am? I just wish she would meet him and then if I have sutff in writing I can go back to the doc's.

His best mate's mum and dad were also told by same NQT and teacher that their son was likely autistic. This was last week. We are all feeling confused!

I don't care if she is weepy, if she said that you undermined her dx.. I would complain stating that asd is a medical diagnosis, not a dx that a senco should be attempting to make. ( high lighting issues and accessing help is fine... But she has stepped way over the mark.. Not even an EP can diagnose!)

Only going on what you have posted but I get the impression that she could be likened to a box of frogs and I wouldn't want her anywhere near my ds.. Whether he gets a dx or not!

The thing that struck me is that the teacher thinks he is not listening but then he is able to answer her questions??.

If he is very bright he might be thinking about other [more important] things while the teacher is talking. Not a great habit to get into but if he is under stimulated it will keep him sane.

Dd1 who is v bright but also [I belive] on the Autistic spectrum, used to not complete work in class if she had done it before. The teachers used to keep her in at break and she did the work in 2 minutes.

Sadly v bright children With or without ASD don't fit well into classrooms.

Not much help sorry.

And at telling another family a similar thing... I would seriously complain and ask for clarifcation as to what the heck is going on.. If she keeps doing this she will be able to catch the odd case if asd just based on the statistics!

Go with your gut feeling on this.. They are normally better than someone who has read a book!

You could ask her what out of the dx criteria is concerning her... And could she show evidence of this so that you can take it up with the gp again.

No teacher should be diagnosing your child. If they have concerns about his education - which is the only bit that is in any way their business - then the Senco should observe him in the classroom and write an IEP with clear targets.

From what you've said here, it sounds like the NQT can't cope with your very bright child, and the Senco can't cope with a stressful job.

Thanks all. I feel so much that the whole thing is a mess. Indeedalife - exactly. And whether or not DS has ASD then they need to view him as a whole child! Yes I have nothing in writing at all - apart from teacher's report that mentioned nothing on social and personal apart from settled well, friendship groups. DS can be rather cheeky at times - e.g. questions stuff and he gets bored with doing repeat stuff if it is a lot of repeat stuff.

I am worried, of course, that now SENCO upset DS will be in for it! Is it always worth putting stuff in writing to them for clarification? I'll ask everything you've suggested!

How can the SENco diagnose a child she hasn't met? Sounds like her plot has been well and truly lost.
If the teacher is planning extension work with him, there must be some kind of written evidence suggesting that he is needing this stimulus. What other evidence have they sitting around that you are not party to?
Wouldn't worry about the SENco being tearful - your job is to get the support your DS needs educationally. She will have a line manager who is responsible for her mental well being in the job. It is not your fault if she is feeling pressure - it is more likely to be the job in general rather than just your DS's case. You shouldn't feel that you should have to tread lightly.

If there is anything your ever unsure of, worried about.. Think a response might be a bit off.. Writing to clarify give you a paper trail .. And they know it... So it may just resolve the issue for you.. Or you will get the answers. And a paper trail can be helpful in the future if needed... Remember to keep your own copies of everything.

Thanks! The extension work is based on his teacher assessment for his work. I will indeed put all in writing tonight about what I am unsure about etc.

lol carrotcake I like your very tactful description of a box of frogs! That goes for the NQT and the SENCO I think. Both SENCO and class teacher clearly have no idea what they are talking about.

Agree with everyone. Also v. important re paper trail. When you put something in writing, ask for a response in writing,(keep a copy of all correspondance sent and received).
Dont worry re upsetting the SENCO.I think she knows shes in the wrong-and indeed barking, to make assumptions without seeing your ds! Insist that she sends all info she has on your ds to YOU at HOME, not to look over at school. Whether she thinks it necessary or not, you are entitled to it.
Based on what info she sends you, you will be better placed to decide if you want a second opinion re your ds.
If you want a 2nd opinion, ask your GP to refer you back to CAMHS. Its not for him to say your ds isnt on the spectrum. Will your ds be older this time round at CAMHS? Sometimes, when dc are older, their difficulties are more easily identifiable.
Trust your instinct. Good Luck!