Feeling wrung out - statement. Advice please?

[starfish71]

Hello, I am waiting for DS's final statement which I am told will be with me by end of week. I am intending to appeal as LEA have admitted DS needs an ASD unit placement but none available so have put 15 hours support for his current mainstream school.

Have just spoken to a woman who works for SNAP and has been helping me so far. She told me that they had a meeting last week with the LEA officer and discussed my case (with my permission) He is suggesting a move to a more ASD friendly school which has a unit attached but that unit is also full and said if I consider this an option then the school would probably want 20 hours support in the mainstream. What the hell are they doing? Surely if he needs 20 plus hours in one school which is ASD friendly then he needs that in his current setting??? Apparently ds's school haven't requested any more hours for him.

I feel so confused. How can I know what is the right thing to do?

It is all making me feel like crap and I am desperate to make the right descision for ds.

Hope some of the above makes sense - can't think of anything else at the moment.

I think the first thing you need to do is go and see the other school, including looking around the unit. If you feel that this is the most appropriate provision for him that need to be what you appeal for access to. I know it's not ideal but they can make space for extra children in these units. They did exactly that for my DD1 last year.

i really feel for you,don,t think you ever lose that feeling of am i doing the right thing,if its any help ,when i had to make a similar decision some yaers ago,like you i felt pretty overwhelmed,but a lovley parent support worker told me "nobody knows your son like you do,trust your gut feeling,and nothing is set in stone,if its not the right place ,you can change it."Hope it helps you too,GOOD LUCK.X

Thank you Al1son and Justabout. I have been to the school suggested and wasn't very struck by it but they do have lots of experience of hildren with ASD and of course unit on site.

I keep welling up today. Have had a cuppa and a choccy biscuit - bit of comfort.

I think it is draining because have had the proposed statement since sept and despite lots of meetings, emails I have got no where. I know, I know I should have told them to finalise way before now. I did believe that I could negotiate successfully with the LEA - yes I know....:(

Thanks gilly, am really trying to home in on what my gut feeling is at the moment. Thank you for that, helps to be reminded that nothing is set in stone.

Just got to work out what is right for DS now.

It does feel like you're the only person who has your child's interests at heart doesn't it?

There are many people on this board who know exactly what you're going through. This battle for appropriate school provision is long, hard and lonely. Just rest assured that you are doing the right thing and your DS will be better off for it in the long run.

Have you looked at other schools, even those which are further away? You need to find one that you can have faith in. One that you feel will be able to meet your DS's needs effectively. Could that be the way to go. Find the school then appeal the statement and fight for a place there? I know someone who makes a living from helping people do exactly that so it is possible to go about it that way.

Yokes - a propsed Statement since Sept?

They are taking the P

If you didn't think the 2nd school was suitable and want to hang out for the ASD base then you'll need to write to them and state quite categorically you need them to issie a Final Statement solely to enable you to take your case for a placemnet in the ASD base to Tribunal.

That should produce the desired result.

They could leave you dangling indefintely.

Thanks Al1son am going to have another look at schools in area - we have to go to tribunal now anyway I think - should be getting final statement by Friday.

Wet I have asked 2 weeks ago for final to be issued. Been told today it will be with me by end of week. They have agreed to this and they know I am going to appeal. Feel very let down and annoyed /angry with them and myself.

I can honestly say I have never been more anxious or unhappy.

Stay angry with them for doing this to you - do not be angry with yourself.

You seem to have documneted evidence that LA say he needs ASD base - but won't deliver it. So Tribunal should be a breeze.

Stay strong

Thank you Wet really means a lot to have support. It's the mind games they play that really get to me. Feels like you can't trust anyone (school, LEA etc).

Absolutely do not waste any energy being angry with yourself. You are clearly a fab mum who is highly motivated to get the best provision for her child. You must be to be on here asking for help. We all have regrets no matter what we've done. Being a parent of a child with SN is a very steep learning curve.

The mind games are the bit I find the hardest to cope with. I'm currently wondering what's going on about my DD's provision behind my back. I know something is but it's all being kept under wraps. It makes me want to have a meltdown myself.

You get used to being a PITA. It goes with the territory of getting support for your child. Sadly I think you're right not to trust anyone. You are the only person for whom your child's needs are central.

I hope you find a school that feels right to you.