Being reported to Social Services!

[irishsusan]

I was at a meeting at my son's school (he is 5 and has Down's Syndrome) organising his risk assessment to stay for lunch and he was a bit naughty. My husband and I when he is naughty say "slap" and he has associated it with being naughty and though I don't slap him, it is just a threat and he puts his hand up, sometimes we give it a tap, but he thinks its funny, but it does work - it is probably the wrong word to use. So in the classroom with no-one else but his class teacher and my son and me, I said "slap" but also raised my hand, but with no intention to slap him, and his teacher grapped my hand and said " we don't slap" - I said that was fine and I wasn't going to slap him anyway, and no more was said about it. I was working the next two days and they rang my home the next day and as my husband was home, he took the call, and they asked him to come to a meeting at the school at 10am. He went, not knowing what it was about, and they told him that they referred my son to Social Services. I can't believe that there was a need to do this, but to make it worse, they seemed to go about it in an underhand way. Why didn't the teacher say anything to me that day, and why did they arrange for my husband to go into the meeting, and not mention me at all, or that I should be at the meeting. They did say that they were sorry I wasn't there, but then if I didn't know about it, how could I? I am very upset with the school and feel that the teacher could have talked to me about it on the day, and I could have explained and maybe it wouldn't have gone that far. Though we haven't heard anything yet from Social Services, having been an avid reader of a broadsheet newspaper, and watching the news, they have a lot of power and I am afraid that it's possible they may take him away. I have read horrendous things about them taking children away from parents and even when it's proven they did not abuse their children, it took them two years to get their children back. I want to write a letter of complaint about the underhand way they went about it. I have printed out the Child Abuse Reporting Policy and I cannot see how my son or me comes under this policy, and I cannot find anything else related to it on the internet. The school does not have an internet site that works and therefore I am unable to print their policy off, can I ask for a copy of it from the school, without them questioning my reasons? Has anyone had any experience of this and if so, any advice would be appreciated.

Don't worry too much. If you have any sense you will not argue with the underhand way or argue that you are doing nothing wrong.

Say you were misinterpreted, you understand why there has been a concern raised, you will change the way you parent so that this cannot be misinterpreted again, you think they do a grand job and work hard and thank god for social workers who protect children.

If they give advice accept it and promise to follow it. What they want is an concern raised, social workers step in like god and concern disappears, - tick!

They referred your son because of that?? That is ridiculous!!! I always raise my hand and ask my boys if they want a smack if there being naughty,they don't get one but it works and if they are being too naughty continuously then yeah they will get a smack on the bum! Worked well for me my mom is old fashion (let me get The stick loool) and that stick meant RUN!! Her mom my grandma was let me get the shoe infact anything that she could use never caused me mom or generations before us and mental troubles!!!
That's so silly they've took it all out of proportion like that! Well when the social worker comes round just tell her you don't hit or beat up your children,and you don't say it out of anger and react with anger,it's just a phase,then when she tells you they should sit on the step or in there room and think about what they done tell them 1-super nanny hasn't got kids,And two how about you paint there room White and pad the Walls too!!!

They have blown it out of proportion BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT. All the teacher will have seen was you threatening to slap your son and she has a legal duty to report that. You will have to explain, as Startingafresh says, and try not to be too defensive, as alarm bells will then ring.

It's likely she didn't discuss it that day because she was unsure what to do, then wemt and spoke to CP lead and they reported. It's unlikely to cause any action on ss part unless the school had more to add or there is a history of concern. Likely they will just call or pop in but try not to stress too much and maybe think about changing your naughty word!

If your son is in his reception year he is still in the Early Years Foundations Stage. One of the requirements on practitioners working with this age group is that they take steps to ensure that nobody caring for the child uses corporal punishment. This action could be seen as complying with this requirement. It's not the only way to address the issue or how I would go about it as a childminder but that's irrelevant. They have a legal obligation to take some action.

I agree with the advice to take it on the chin, admit that it could have been misinterpreted and promise to stop doing it. Be very understanding that they have a duty to protect children and smile sweetly throughout.

It won't be easy but you'll probably save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run.

That should read Foundation

I know it seems the school have been underhand, but if they are acting on a possible CP issue,(in their opinion),then they will not tell the parent, incase it puts the child in danger.
Reading your post, your action and words could hanve been misinterpreted-you knew what you meant, but the teacher did not.
I think if a teacher had grabbed my arm and said what she did,I would have been shocked and annoyed, and explained fully then.
Things have been blown out of proportion,but hopefully, once SS have spoken to you, that will be the end of the matter.
It is hard being the parent of a dc with SN, not least cos you come into contact with a lot of professionals.We need to think about the words we use, cos it is sooo easy for something to be misconstrued-as you have found to your chagrin-after the case of Baby P, profess. are on alert.
Hope everything goes ok with SS.

Am trying to think of another word sounding like slap that you can promise to substitute but can only come up with strap or trap, which would be worse! StartingAfresh has given you very good advice. This will blow over if you keep calm. They have plenty of families on their books, no-one wants their budget blown on care for a happy little boy.

BTW I 'tap' my dd with tips of two fingers when she is misbehaving when out and I have no other resources to remove etc. I barely have to touch her. She just knows if she gets a 'tap' then she has been really REALLY out of order and she screams as if I have given her a clout round the head.

I very rarely use it however, and it is not the first thing I do. Usually it would be something like strap her in her pram, or take a toy off her or sometimes even say 'no talking' and not speak to her for a few seconds (because she is a right interactive chatterbox).

But sometimes, when for example she is flailing her arms and legs when I am trying to get her into her carseat it is useful to be able to say 'tap?'.

I am going against the grain here but I do not think it is right that you raise your hand and say 'slap' to discipline a child.

What if the child called your bluff and did not stop what they were doing, you would have to carry through with the slap or back down, either which would not be right.

How did the teacher know you would never slap your dc, you had just threatened it in front of her. And she could have thought if you do that in front of her what are you doing at home.

Statistics show children with disabilities are far more likely to suffer abuse than other children, a sad fact. so she was just doing her job.

StartingAfresh is totally right in her advice of how to approach ss.

And you need to be a little more creative in your discipline. Never threaten what you are not prepared to follow through.

I am sure if ss do visit that they will see straight away that your dc is fine and that you were just a bit silly. Don't be worried about them taking your ds away, their job is to keep families together.

Good Luck.

Dont worry about it social workers they all shit in the same pot cut a long story short they put my son on the child protection register because i was not doing what they were telling meto do, how to look after my sonthey said i was putting my son at risk by the texture of food and i was,nt letting my son put weight on because i had to lift him up and down stairs myself had no hoist ect,this went on for 3 yrs in the end i had a tough slog but i won my court case and social services were to leave me alone and to stop harrassing me by the judge.STAND UP TO THEM AND DONT LET THEM INTIMIDATE YOU,THEY GO AFTER THE WRONG PEOPLE!

i wouldnt worry to much though you might get a visit, i know when i was looking at special schools i read some paperwork that said they work closely with social services so i presume its there policy to report it.

I have had intervention from social services a couple times, not for any good reason but more because other people are ignorant and stupid, and even though each time I've had a bit of a panic initially, I tried to remember that if I have nothing to hide I have nothing to worry about. If they do a visit they will ask you about the incident and what happened from your point of view and it is very very unlikely that they would just take your child away - you only really hear about it in the news being it doesn't happen very often!

I just have been reported to social services by the doctor to whom i told a story which she completely misunderstood. she thought that i was leaving my 9 month old baby with my 4 years old alone at home. I was in shock when i got the phone call from the health visitor to let me know that the letter was send to the social services. i hardly can sleep this nights after reading all horrible stories from the net. what to expect? are they going to contact school too? are my babies safe?

Should be easy enough to clear up the misunderstanding; it's not like it was one of their own staff getting the wrong end of the stick

Seriously, they have plenty of real work to do and I would imagine the social worker will be only too pleased to find that a possible case of abandonment / severe neglect was actually a non-event.

please try not to worry, social services will not be in the slightest bit interested I am sure.

They may go throught the motions of a brief investigation, but there is no way they will take your son, absolutly none.

xx

I'm sure that there is nothing to worry about and that you will get the chance to explain, but try and think how it looked to the teacher.
Your son is EYFS, has Downs Syndrome and she saw you raise your hand and say 'slap' She moved to prevent you hitting your son and referred the incident to SS who involved the family in the persona of your OH who wasn't involved in the incident and had not been observed threatening a child with corporal punishment.

I taught a child with epilepsy who was regularly beaten to exorcise the evil spirit that was possessing her, another whose CF was regarded as a punishment from God for the wickedness of his mother, and who was often told so.
There are vulnerable children out there being punished violently by parents who think they are doing the right thing.
She reported a concern she had observed with her own eyes, now you have the chance to clear up the misunderstanding.

This is a zombie thread.

Lord, another one?
Natool, next time just start a new thread and then no one wastes their time.