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Original poster

AS anger management tips needed

18 replies

Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 20:54

DS (10, suspected AS) is getting increasingly angry at/about school. Is missing a break/lunchtime practically every day due to rudeness to staff or retaliation to other dc's who upset him. We do have a sm but school have yet to implement anything or hire new lsa as yet. He has 'hover' support at lunch but nothing at break-time until lsa is hired. There have been long-standing bullying issues which have been raised and school did not deny that this was going on but failed to state what action they would be taking except that he should 'ignore' the children that wind him up Hmm.
Have meeting this week with Senco to discuss new IEP (they know that I am expecting Smart targets!). Anyone had this problem and managed to reduce anger?

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Goblinchild · 23/01/2011 21:00

A time out card and a safe location to go to worked with mine, so that he could leave a flashpoint before he blew.
Staff who are pre-emptive about problems rather than reactive.
Training for staff so that they know how to phrase questions. Is he being rude or just abrupt? If they can reduce his stress levels,it will benefit the teachers and the class as well as him.
Keep a detailed log of events, incidents and people involved, it gives you data to work on and form some idea of what the issues are exactly.

Thecarrotcake · 23/01/2011 21:07

Same as goblin.. Ds has an exit card.

Does your ds recognise when he is getting angry?

I would also suggest the school log the incidents using a STAR or similar system, as this will highlight his struggle areas and any teasing or bullying that might be causing the blow ups.

Goblinchild · 23/01/2011 21:09

Mine didn't used to recognise imminent meltdown, but over the years he developed the understanding. He's got much more control now.

andperseand · 23/01/2011 21:15

Dameedna, if I remember rightly haven't you had the statement for a little while now? Are they showing signs of implementing anything - if not maybe worth a call to your SEN officer and pointing out that these issues at school are escalating without the appropriate support in place.

Sorry no great advice about anger mangement in school as DS dealt with it all by not going - but safe space had been suggested. If they do that make sure it is really clear he can use it and how. My DS was really wary when we spoke to him about it as he was adamant he would not be allowed to go to it. Perhaps the LSA (?) can 'model' using it the first few times.

Also think the whole thing of missing break/lunch backfires anyway because if it is a consequnce of behaviour which is a result of sensory stress/misinterpretation of a situation it just becomes even more of a confusion for the child.

Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 21:16

Thanks Goblin/Carrot
He does have a quiet place to go but staff don't always let him go there straight away. They say that things happen so quickly that they don't have time to react sometimes.
He is allowed to ask teacher if he can leave the class when stressed.He has been rude but other times just answering literally which can get the teacher's backs up. One teacher is at the stage of refusing to teach him now and he may have to go to another class and do another subject instead. Sm recommends training and strategies to help him to recognise anger and avoid volatile situations but as I said nothing has been done about this yet. I am a bit Angry that he keeps getting punished when no help has been given to prevent these incidents.

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Goblinchild · 23/01/2011 21:19

That's why mine had a card instead of having to talk. If someone blocked his way when he was leaving, he'd just go through them.
If they aren't fast enough, they aren't reading the signs.
It's also why staff need training and support, unless he's physically violent towards individuals, no one should be refusing to teach him.

Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 21:22

Hi andpers. Yes sm was finalised November. School say they can't do anything until new lsa is hired but apparently not had many applicants! Had meeting last week to discuss his difficulties and pointed out various things that had been promised but not implemented. He has been excluded already and I think they now feel they have carte blanche to threaten him with this now e.g when he refused to go into class the other day.

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Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 21:26

He hasn't been violent towards staff but 1 or 2 feel intimidated apparently. Have been told that all staff have had training and are aware of his needs. But funnily enough I bumped into a TA who does a lot for him the other day. was chatting about sm and she knew nothing about it or how many hours he had. She asked when it would be starting!Shock

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Goblinchild · 23/01/2011 21:40

Get on to the inclusion team, they can't exclude him if the reason is that his needs are not being met and thus triggering meltdowns, misunderstandings and stress-related behaviour.

andperseand · 23/01/2011 21:42

SENCOP 8.109 LEAs must arrange the special
educational provision, and may arrange any non-educational provision specified in the
statement, from the date on which the statement is made.
SENCOP 8.112 The interests of the child include the provision of information to the child?s school and teachers. It is important that teachers working closely with the child should have full knowledge of the child?s statement

Seriously - phone your SEN Officer who issued the statement tomorrow morning!

It is a pain, battle does not stop after you get the statement, but they are really failing your DS at the moment.

(Hope you don't mind, I am on my high horse tonight, know it is not as easy as this - fired up after a successful result last week, but won't post about that until I see it in writing Grin)

Thecarrotcake · 23/01/2011 21:44

Dame... I have sent you email.. To the email that you registered for netter with...

You now have a copy of nearly everything we use and that our school has a copy of to try and fit that into ds's school life.
Hope your able to pulls some ideas from it :)

Goblinchild · 23/01/2011 21:49

Oh, sorry if I came across as bossy Dameednabeverage.
My DS struggled hugely at 10 but I have seen the benefits of schools prepared to work on inclusion, developing strategies to support him and being open-minded.
As I keep saying, if his MS secondary of over 1500 pupils can do it, and get him to 16 as a happy and thriving school pupil, every school should be able to do it.
So I get stroppy when I think a school isn't bothering, and is dumping the reason for the failures on the child.

Thecarrotcake · 23/01/2011 21:50

Totally agree with you goblin!

Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 21:52

Thanks all
Andpers - Don't worry, I'm really on my high horse too. Good to see you've got a successful result - let us know when you canWink

Carrot - thanks,look forward to reading it.

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Thecarrotcake · 23/01/2011 21:55

Dame pour a cuppa .. It may take a while.. If there is anything glaringly missing or isn't explained.. Shout I'll fill you in :)

Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 22:24

Goblin - I don't think you're being bossy at all. No doubt the school will think I'm being bossy with them lol. As you say a good school can make so much difference. I am hopeful that secondary will really help as they seem lovely and caring and not phased by having him at all.

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Original poster
Dameednabeverage · 23/01/2011 22:25

Have e-mailed you Carrot!

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Thecarrotcake · 23/01/2011 22:53

Hope you can use some of it .. And good luck :)

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