Son with possible ADHD/ASD

[allie1972]

Hi there, feeling very depressed right now and wonder if anyone can help.

Ever since he was very small my eldest (5 1/2) has been very difficult to manage (running off everywhere, jumping on things, hitting etc). When he started state nursery school and in Reception I was told that he took up lots of their time as he was always in a dream world and never seemed willing to co-operate in group activities.

At the time I put it down to his age, but now that he in in Year 1 the teachers at school have put a provision map in place for his behaviour and have written an IEP to manage him over the next 6 months. This covers things such as his lack of eye contact, blurting out the answer in class, sitting still and also his reading (suspected dyslexia).

I wouldn't worry so much if it were just at school, but the problem is in all settings. He talks to himself in assembly and in drama group he seems to be in a complete world of his own. He seems also to have really low self esteem: he hates it when he can;t achieve something and just gives up. At home he seems not even to hear us when we talk to him, or instantly forgets what has been said.

He isn't abnormally aggressive and I don't think he is even trying to be naughty but he just can't control his behaviour.

We saw an ed psych. in July and she is coming next week to observe him in school. She picked up on the lack of eye contact but ruled out ADHD because he wasn't hyperactive at the appt. I thought ADHD was not just about hyperactivity but lso inattentiveness

I am having his eyes and ears tested next week just in case there is a physical problem but this seems unlikely as he has been tested before with no abnormalities detected. The only strange thing is that he tends to speak very loudly all the time even when people are very near him. A bit odd.

I have a 3 year old at home and another baby due in 4 weeks. I give DS1 as much attention as I can and I am a full time mum but his behaviour is getting commented upon in every situation, even by strangers. As he gets older people stop making excuses for his age and just label him as naughty.

The school seems to be handling him quite well but I can't help thinking that they think I am a bad parent and that this is all my fault somehow.

Sorry to ramble on but I am feeling very down and I just don't know what the next step will be if the ed psych fails to pick up on his difficulties. I am so worried that she will discharge him and leave me to cope with the mess.

Words of advice anyone? Does he sound like he has a problem?

Hi Allie, welcome to MN. Can I just firstly say - THIS IS IN NO WAY YOUR FAULT AS HIS PARENT - these things happen, and it is NOT due to bad parenting. Blaming yourself will not help the situation in anyway, it will make it a lot worse, especially as you are due so soon!

Ok, that's said now - your ds certainly does sound like my ds who is ADHD/AS (Asperger's), except my ds has serious aggression problems.

Did the Ed Psych not think there could be some ADD in the mix - this is ADHD without the hyperactivity (just a thought?).

If his behaviour has been commented on at school and in other settings, I don't think they will just leave you with it, after all it's a good start for them to see your ds in school, it suggests that they are taking you seriously. If they don't - it literally is time to kick a$$ as your ds, you and your family need to know how to help him.

There are alot of Mums who have been through what you are going through right now, and I am sure they will be along to help you very soon.

Definitely don't blame yourself, Allie. This is in no way your fault.

have 2 boys on the autistic spectrum (aged 5 and 2) and a lot of the behaviour you describe sounds very familiar. It's a good sign that the school have called in the Ed.Psych as it shows they aren't just trying to sweep it all under the carpet.

It must be a very stressful time for you right now, particularly with a new baby due soon. Hopefully your ds will soon be on the way to getting some help. xxx

adhd is a LOT to do with inability to concentrate.

your son sounds just like my little bro at that age. Educational Psych diagnosed laziness!! this was back in the 70s. Fortunately my mother heard on Womans hour that some children are intolerant to food colourings, and this turned out to be the case in our family.

So sorry you are going through this, a lot of the behaviours do sound similar to dd who has AS but I would also ask for a referral through your GP to a paed/child psychologist who specialises in ASD/ADHD. Good luck

hi allie my ds is 6 and has been having similar problems for some time now. after being told time and time again that no one could help i ended up spending half a day on the phone ringing every one in our area who i thought may possibly be of some use and was finally told to speak to the school nurse. she referred us to school doctor who did a connors test (i think thats what it is called). we have now been told he possibly does have adhd and have been referred on for more tests and possible help. there is a light at the end of the tunnel! if you google for adhd symptoms you will see it is not just about hyperactivity (which is not something my ds really suffers from). i dont pretend to know much about this but thought id answer incase its any use. i hope you get some help soon

Hi allie,

I agree with the others - don't blame yourself.

My ds (5) is quite like your description. He had loads of problems at school this time last year. The school thought it was ADHD but because he was much better at home than at school the paed said that he couldn't make a diagnosis at that time.

We saw him again last week and took with us a long list of behaviours that we had observed over the last year and the paed now says he thinks that DS has AS rather than ADHD.

When we saw him initially at the beginning of this year he gave us a copy of an 8 step ADHD treatment plan to use with DS to help manage his behaviour. It is quite hard to stick to as the first 1/2 of it is really about changing the way you, as the adult, interact with your child.

For us it was worth the efoort though as there has been a definate improvement in DS behaviour. If you want a copy then CAT me and I'll email it to you.

Good luck with your new baby