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Becareful when you ask for help

4 replies

Madde · 20/01/2011 20:37

.When I first asked the social services for help,I never realised that it would destroy my family wreck my Marriage and end up in an unnecessary court battle in an attempt to take custody from me.
My battle has now lasted over ten years with social services and CAMS at first they refused to help me and decided that I needed professional help.My child was violent and dangerous and had odd behaviours.
The mental health Doctors would not assess my son when he was 5 years old and after me constantly begging for help they threatened to place my children on the "at risk register" and take my children away from me,
if I did not stop making up Illnessess that my non did not have.
Out of fear I kept quiet and suffered in scilence.
One of the teachers in the special school that my son went to urged me to go to the USA, as they could assess him there as their medical practices were different from the UK.
Fortunatly we were able to go to the USA and
get a professional dioagnosis for him.
We were heartbroken to learn that he was Autistic and that he also had Bi-polar disorder Aspergers syndrome,ADHA Depression and other illnessess.By the time we had the offical dioagnosis my son was 8 years old, we had been fighting for 4 years now and still he had gone without help, sadly some years later we had to return to the UK,and the help we had recieved in the past years were not enough to undo all the time we had to live with adequate assistance.
when we returned to the UK, It was like living in the dark ages, the first specilist that we saw was helpful once was produced eveidence of his diagnosis,sadly we had to see the Mental health team that has turned us away years eailer, I requested that the Doctor in question not attend to my son as ther failure to act responsibly in the first place was part of the reason that made our situation so impossible. My son was assessed in a Mental health unit for 9 months, where staff finally witnessed all that we tried to tell them about.they accepted his diagonosis
and tried to place him an an adequate school, the school placement brokedown when a member of staff reacted with the same violence that he recieved.
by now my son was a very large 15 year old boy and very strong, he refused to reutrn to the school during spring break and social services redfused to help me get him back to school.I now pleaded for help at home and a new placement. finally a new school was found and we were informed that he start on September 6 . we arrived from holiday on the 3rd September, our holiday was a time where we suffered the worse violence that I had ever experienced, socail secvices refused to provide any respite what so ever.
On the 5th September we were beaten again in our home the police were called and my son was removed from the house.In the morning Ibagged and pleaded with socailserviced to provide respite in the home just until he started his new school, they agreed and began making arangements, for help at home so that my son could come home, at the 11th houe everything changed, the ploice would not let met take my son home, or provide clothes or medication for him.
Socail services then made an urgent application to the court for an emergency care order. they made it on the basis that they wanted to put my son in the school that we had all agreed to him attending.
We had never tried to do anything other than to place him in the school we all agreed to.
they are using public money to do this.
My son was placed in a foster home, and I was allowed daily visits for one hour on a supervised visit.A week later he went for a trial preiod at the school, all that I have been allowed in the way of visitation is 3hours every 3 weeks. the court heerings are still underway. We have never tried to not let my son go to his current school and are not contesting it. My son is almost 16,and this last round of events have devistated our family, I cry everday, clearly I can not express every detail for fear or more trouble from them. I promise you they lie and change facts to make parents look as if they are unstable.I miss my son everyday he misses us also and my health has suffered in the process. please be very careful when asking for help as it may result In you loosing full rights to your child and the process will destroy you.If anyone can help me please please get in touch. the public money that that are using on this unnecessary court case could be better used in helping provide much needed services

OP posts:
nilbymaaf · 20/01/2011 23:52

I am so sorry for everything you have been through. And am so sad for your son. I understand what you are saying about asking for help from social services. As soon as you ask for help, you are seen as someone who could cause emotional harm, by neglecting your child, I am going through similar and have been for 4 years.
One person that might be able to help you is Ian Josephs, you could google him, and also John Hemming mp.
All the best

Bigpants1 · 21/01/2011 00:13

Hi. Its late, but Ive read your post, and know where you are coming from.
You sound so sad and worn down, and I know how that feels.
If you havent already, you need to get some Legal Advice asap. If you have low income, you canget Legal Aid.
Complain in Writing to the Head of SServices, and lodge a formal complaint with the Local Authority,(Council). Also, write to your MP and Head of SS in Government.
Keep a copy of all paperwork.
Once Services like Health, SS and education band together against you, you are fighting a hard battle-but keep fighting.
Make sure, that any meetings held by Profess. you request a copy of the Minutes-you will be able to see who is saying what.
Request a copy of ALL files held on your son by Education, SS and Health. You may find in these, where all these allegations started, and also see any evidence of Mal-practise.
This will take a while-each agency has to respond in 40days, but it may be of use to you if things go badly in Court.
Does your son have an independant Advocate-ask SS, or go to your Cares Centre or CAB. He is of an age, where his views MUST be taken into account-does he want to come home, is he happy at home, does he like the school?
Keep strong and keep posting if you need to, I will be here for a while, and back later in the day. HTH.

Bigpants1 · 21/01/2011 00:15

That should read Carers Centre.

rettmum · 21/01/2011 08:31

Hi i am so sorry for what you have been through and what you are still going through.How old is you son now if he is under 19 you could request a family group conferance if your local authority has such a thing.We had one and our child came home after being in similar circumstances.Also we used an independant social worker.We did get legal advice but they did not help that much.I think asking for all the files is a good idea but from experiance they can be VERY slow in giving them.

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