'Lots of Aspergers traits but not enough for a diagnosis.' I could really do with some advice.

[verityjones]

Ok, background
DS is 7yrs. I've always suspected possible ASD tendencies but DH always told me it was in my head. As a baby, DS had major manic episodes after gluten and after testing at Sunderland, leaky gut was confirmed (thanks MN)
Major improvement after this but still major social issues and strange reactions to dressing up or nursery nativity. Also slight dyspraxic tendencies (can't ride a bike, poor pencil control) No speech delay and a very bright boy. Doesn't like change or going somewhere new or to parties etc.

Now in Y2 and in the last year we have had 2 private assessments (one was a guy recommended on here). Both has said yes to traits. However, the woman we saw said yes to lots of traits but not on the spectrum and the guy said yes to lots of traits and on the spectrum but not far enough along to get a diagnosis.

In fact, he contradicted her as he said there was no such thing as 'just off the spectrum'. He said if your not autistic, you're not autistic. She said we all have traits and DS just has more.

So, what the guy said was that if you imagine ASD to be a scale of 1-100, you may get a diagnosis around 10 and DS is around 5 or 6. I feel relieved that it's not all in my head but where to go from here? How can I support him socially? I looked at the Atwwood book but a lot of it isn't relevant to DS. Is there a book or anything with strategies to help very mildly affected kids?

He copes with MS school but it exceptionally anxious in the environment. How can I help him with this? I have 3 children (2 girls younger than him) and we are all exhausted from his tantrums which always happen within an hour of finishing school and are almost like a meltdown.

Sorry if this is a bit on an essay. I'm just looking for a point in the right direction. Thank you.

I would suspect you might have difficulties getting a statement and even if you did accessing the right kind of support - mainstream teachers are not trained in how to teach children develop social skills etc. would not necessarily follow. Also that would take time. Not saying don't go for it but not sure you would get what you are looking for. Can be problems with getting support into independent schools too eg our autism outreach don't go into independent schools.

If you can afford to go private I would look at options eg an ABA provider who can work on social skills etc. If he only have needs in a few areas then someone like that may be able to put some training into school (easier if its an independent school in many ways) and work on his social skills, anxiety etc. Sometimes they run social skills groups etc. Sometimes its a case of teaching social rules in a very systematic way - which it sounds as though he is bright enough to learn.

We use this provider but for a more severely affected younger child. But I have seen some videos of their US programme where they work with very high functioning children eg groups of teenagers with Aspergers on things like friendships, dating etc. It was lovely to see - its that realisation that they may not pick up things incidentally but you can break it down and teach it eg what to say in situations, and ABA staff will demonstrate and practise social skills with children and work with peers too. The children in that group did go on to develop genuine friendships and get girlfriends etc - it was really reassuring - but they needed extra guidance eg whats cool to say, when to talk about their particular interests and when not, how not to stand too near to people, how to take turns with conversation etc etc. All of this can be taught. Of course it would be great if our kids just picked it up but if they don't you can teach it. This provider strongly believes that mildly affected kids need just as much help - and often more as they will be functioning in our world - at mainstream school and at work - whereas sometimes severely affected children actually don't need the same sophistication of social skills as they will not necessarily be dealing with workplace etc etc.

A full ABA programme is expensive but I am not sure that what you are looking for would cost much. I know of some children who had intensive ABA when they were young who now just get termly consultation with ABA staff where they 'fine tune' things like social skills etc

You should be able to get OT assessment for pencil control, riding bike etc - have you considered dyspraxia? my son's needs in this area are not too far behind so its not an area I know much about but I know some people on here have OT which helps with that sort of stuff.

Other things which can work for kids who don't do well in the playground (and he won't be the only one) are lunchtime groups eg lego club where a more structured activity etc can help. Lots of mainstream schools run things like this

Sometimes SALT will run social skills groups but probably not so much in private schools.

There should also be some counselling services - probably when a bit older - which can explore his feelings of being different, anxiety etc

Sometimes there are other autism consultants around and groups such as NAS sometimes run youth groups etc

Please don't feel that your child is resigned to being an outcast. My son has far more severe challenges (classic autism and severe speech delay etc) but is making progress with a systematic approach to social skills. That provider has a book on social skills coming out soon. They also run workshops from time to time.

OP, just wanted to say hello. We are in an almost identical position to you. Ds1(7) thriving academically. Private assessment said not enough to give diagnosis. Thus, school pooh-pooh'ed everything said. Just had our NHS CAHMS assessment. They want to do a DISCO assessment, so that is good.
If I can be any use to you, please let me know. Or maybe we can travel the road together, seeing as our situations are almost identical.

Thank you, Agnes and Obmolov!

I will have look at the ABA website and see whether it looks helpful for DS. I have heard a lot of good things about it when used with preschoolers as an early intervention tool. I just wonder how useful it would be for a 7yr old who 'knows' how to behave and respond to lots of situations but just doesn't know why.

He understands that he needs to give people space, not flick people, not squeal, and that he should laugh when people tell a joke. He just needs to work hard at it as it doesn't come naturally to him, it isn't instinctive. I think this is what is exhausting him, poor boy.

This is all part of the problem identified by the psych. He is so HF that he has already learned how to behave-lots of it self-taught. However, none of it comes naturally to him which is what leads to the exhaustion and anxiety.

I will contact them though. Thank you.

Oblomov, I have heard that the DISCO assessment is quite thorough so should be a good opportunity. I hope it goes well. During one of DS's assessments, they used a test called SCQ which contained a range of questions they asked us. I hope it goes well for you and some mutual support can't be bad. Good luck!

Hi Verity how is your son doing - he must be about 12 now. I have a 12 year old who has had considerable social problems in the last four years at school and I am convinced he has mild Aspergers. Teachers have always said he doesn't have aspergers (though school counsellor has now said he could be very high functioning aspergers) but the kids in his class certainly notice things and have actively excluded him in certain situations. Ds is very aware of it and pretty miserable st school. He is very social and friendly but over the last four years his friends have dropped like flies I think he bores them to death with twenty min conversations about American football. Just reading this post written exactly five years ago and wonder whether your son has more traits now etc.