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Original poster

So, what do i do for dd2's birthday when she has a birthday phobia?

27 replies

Marne · 17/01/2011 20:19

Dd2's birthday in 2 months (she will be 5) but whenever i mention 'birthday' she starts shouting 'no, no, no' Grin.

She had a huge meltdown on new years day because i happened to mention it was the dogs birthday.

If i aske her if she wants a birthday she says 'NO!', she keeps asking for a toy she has seen and i say to her 'you can have it for your birthday' and she starts shouting 'no'.

We have a birthday party to go to (near her birthday) and im really woried she will have a meltdown Sad.

So do we just forget her birthday, just buy her the toy and not bother with cake ect?

I think its the whole 'cake and singing happy birthday' that really upsets her but she's happy to watch Dora the explorer have a birthday party on the tv (as they sing in spanish) Grin.

OP posts:
5inthebed · 17/01/2011 20:25

Well there is only one thing for it, you're going to have to have a spanish themed birthday Grin

What about not mentioning the word birthday, maybe just say "the day she is turning 5" or "her special day".

Re cake, what about getting a cake with a character on that she likes, lighting a few candles and just making a game out of blowing out candles?

Or maybe try get her used to cakes and candles. Cupcakes every other day with a candle in it?

Al1son · 17/01/2011 20:37

Forget everything which might stress her out and just give her whatever she thinks would be a really nice day. We took our DDs to Legoland instead of parties last year. It was a very good decision.

Al1son · 17/01/2011 20:39

Sorry that sounded really bossy! It was meant to be supportive!

Could you give her a present one day but not mention that it's her birthday?

We had to pretend New Year wasn't happening this year for a similar reason.

asdx2 · 17/01/2011 20:42

Ds only now at 15 tolerates the cake and candles. For years he had a pile of unwrapped presents on the day, I opened his cards and no other mention was made of the day. I cooked the food he liked and he did whatever he chose and it made it a happy day for him. I would just give dd the sort of day that makes her happiest and whisper happy birthday to her when she's asleep like I used to.

Al1son · 17/01/2011 20:44

That made me fill up asdx2. I whispered Happy New Year to DD2 in a similar way.

Eveiebaby · 17/01/2011 20:55

Marne - not sure what to suggest. DD is five in a few months time but I'm not sure if we will do a party for her this year - probably not. She has got a couple of invites from class mates to their parties next month. It will be the first time she has ever been to a class party so not sure how she will react and I am not looking forward to them but am forcing myself to go eeeeeekkk!

Probably best to do whatever makes her happy. Would she like a Dora the Explorer cake? If it's just the singing that upsets her then you could always not sing just cut the cake up and pass it around. I'm sure people would understand.

Otherwise as others have suggested maybe do a family day out.

Original poster
Marne · 17/01/2011 21:01

Thank you for the ideas, we went to some birthday parties last year and she enjoyed them (appart from the cake bit) so i'm not sure why she's become so anti-birthday.

I think a day out would be good, we are waiting for 'peppa pig' land to open (i don't think it openns until april) as she is Peppa pig mad.

I think we might just have to do the cake without candles or singing (unless we sing in spanish like Dora).

I think her birthday is on a school day so i will try and keep it like a normal day and tell the school not to sing 'happy birthday'.

OP posts:
Eveiebaby · 17/01/2011 21:03

Marne - what and where is peppa pig land?

Agnesdipesto · 17/01/2011 21:10

DS does not like the turning the light off bit of singing happy birthday once we figured that out we left the light on and it was fine - although he had to stand at a distance. He doesn't do presents though we just leave them around to be 'found' and don't do parties. In fact we tell people not to come! Usually we do a waterpark as he likes water slides.

auntevil · 17/01/2011 22:17

It doesn't even need to be a cake. My DS3 only has dairy free puree. So i did him a kind of chocolate type trifle - which he loved. I agree with everyone's comments on making it your daughter's special day. If you asked her what would she like to do to make a day a very happy day for her, what would she choose?

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 06:07

eveiebaby

was just about to ask that to

Ds3 does not really get birthdays he knows he be 6 but thats it .Cake meh he blow it out but does not like cake anyway and party be no point as he is not intrested for him were have a nice day out instead

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 06:09

www.themeparktourist.com/features/20100915/2276/preview-peppa-pig-world-paultons-park

Found link and me thinks thats on our list ty marne did not even know it existed

Al1son · 18/01/2011 08:13

Marne, I think Peppa Pig world sounds like a lovely idea. It doesn't matter that it's not on her birthday - well to her at least. You can still make sure she has a nice day on her birthday by making her favourite dinner etc but not mentioning why. Then when she's in bed you can open a bottle of wine and drink a toast to her.

GooseyLoosey · 18/01/2011 08:21

Can you explain to her that she does not have to be the centre of attention - there does not have to be any cake and candles and singing. She can just do something really fun.

dd (6) will not have happy birthday sung to her and hates being the centre of attention. She also gets overwhelmed in large groups. For the past 2 years, I have scaled things down a lot. We agreed with her that there would be no singing and no everyone stopping to look at her.

For her 5th birthday, I took her and her 2 best friends to build a bear and then for a pizza - they loved it and so did she.

Last year, we had a "baking party" where we had 5 children and made buiscuits and decorated aprons. There was a cake which she showed her friends, but no candles and singing and we didn't cut the cake until after the children had left. Instead - they all iced their own cupcakes.

Original poster
Marne · 18/01/2011 08:45

I can't really explain to her, her understanding is not great, as soon as i mention the b work she goes mad Sad, she loves eating cake (just not the candle/singing bit), peppa pig world looks great, theres not many places i can take her as she hates crouds so we might have to take a day off school in April to go (when its not busy).

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 18/01/2011 09:30

don't use "birthday" or "party". Just ask if she would like a few friends around to do whatever it is you decide. Explain to their mothers she is sensitive about birthdays and parties.

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 09:33

Marne maybe same as us im just not going to do partys as would not be for him anyway just be for he other kids

And yep im thinking couple days of school to take ds but thinking wait till May as easter so late in April let everyone get their fix first

Original poster
Marne · 18/01/2011 10:17

True, i guess it will be mad in April plus i need time to save money as the dd's will want to visit the peppa pig shop Grin.

OP posts:
goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 10:34

hmm according to schools here Easter is last couple weeks of April then theres the week at end of may when schools of

Im thinkinh i might take ds and dd mid June couple days of school me thinks

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 10:36

ive not told ds and wont be otherwise he whinge to go will wait till nearer the time .

bonus is looking at paultons park they have outdoor splash pools so be worth me staying in travel ldoge close by

5inthebed · 18/01/2011 13:03

OOOOOOOOO Peppa Pig World!!!!!!!

shaz298 · 18/01/2011 13:06

How about a change in language and call it her special day and don't ention the birthday word?

You will need to warn everyone not to say happy birthday though. x

goingroundthebend4 · 18/01/2011 13:17

might be a ideal mini Mn meet up if anyone wants to.

And from my Pov as ds is wheelchair user have just checked he is free to get in and children with asd type behavious along as evidence can qualify for a exit pass to so no queing if really busy

5inthebed · 18/01/2011 13:20

Sadly it is too far for me :(

Is your DD1s birthday before DD2s Marne?

Original poster
Marne · 18/01/2011 16:58

A mini meet up would be good, its a couple hour away from us so i'm tempted by travel lodge Grin.

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