not sure secondary school is working out

[pinkstarlight]

My son has learning difficulties,a language disorder and dyspraxia when he left mainstream primary school he was a happy and confident child with lots of friends and a full social life despite all his problems.

My sons LA wanted him to go to a special school, i did look round the school twice and felt 100% he would not fit in this was backed by his old school, 2 different EPs,his pead etc who all agreed.i had to go to tribunal and i won my case for him to continue to the local secondary school with his friends.

He started last september and seem to settle in fine as part of his statement he has a fulltime TA and the school bent over backwards to support him,he hasnt been bullied and has even made some new friends.in november he sat a science test which was scribed for him and he came out on top of the class that really was progress as hes always been years behind his peers.

Suddenly hes changed hes so unhappy,grumpy and hates school.he has stopped socialising and has been falling out with friends which does happen from time to time but he has made friends with them again so nothing unusual there.

He did come home from school one day last week very upset he told me his TA shouted at him because he forgot a word and told him he wasnt quick enough so that was a bit of a red flag as his memory is effected by his dyspraxia and sometimes words get stuck so he cant say them, i had to pick him up that day for a appointment early and his TA painted a different picture by saying he had reading first thing and it was early and to much for him and he got upset when she told him come on you can do it.

since then my sons not wanted to go school and keeps getting upset, he tends to think if someone tells him off they dislike him and he keeps worrying that shes going to shout at him.she had 3 days off work so hes not had to work with her again yet she seems to have alot of time off.

this morning my sons got worse crying his eyes out begging me to homeschool him, he insists hes not being bullied said he dont know why hes crying just he hates school and part worried his TA will shout at him again.

i rang the school to say i have sent him school upset head of special needs has rang me back saying he is also upset at school and shes finds it very worrying as hes settled and done so well, i have told her in confidence that i suspect his TA is not understanding his dyspraxia and last week clearly lost paitence which has really upset him and im concerned how often this might happhen as i could put it down as a one off but his reaction is saying different(he has told me it has happened a few times but not daily when i questioned him)the head of special needs just went hmmmmmm leave it with me i will get back to you clearly something is going wrong.

im a bit wary as the school wasnt keen to take him in the first place i had to fight for a place ,he had to have an early review which took place in the begining of december on the understanding if they couldnt meet his needs he would have to go. the meeting went very well and was very positive, he had achieved way more than expected and all his teachers had nothing but praise for him.

what do you all think is it his ta,does he just hate school or is it pubity, im really worried about him.

I can only add sympathy, as my DS is only year 3, but i am already worrying about secondary school.
I do know what you mean about 'telling off' though. My DS is dyspraxic too. I remember the Head phoned me to tell me that he had had to talk to my DS - not that he had done anything naughty, but to remind him of the rules in the school. He had dealt with my DS on his own, and told me how he had handled it so that he did not burst into tears.
He's the same at home. he seems all cocky and laddish, then you'll walk into a room and he'll be sat in tears at something that had been said.
It's a tough one to call. Maybe the TA needs some training in how to approach issues of negative feedback. Maybe she's too quick to make a comment without thinking of the consequences, too used to saying the same comments to NT children and it having no effect. She probably doesn't even realise that the things she said went so to heart.

Having similar problems with my daughter atm. She hasn't been well lately and has quite a few days off school, she has blood tests and the GP thinks she may have arthritis. The Head of Language dept. spoke to my daughter in front of her class the other day (she wasn't the teacher of that lesson) telling her that if she missed any more lessons that she would fall out with her. Having learning difficulties my daughter guess that this meant she was cross with her but didn't understand the meaning, she also has anxiety issues and hates being "told off" as she perceives in front of of others...

its so hard to talk to him sometimes as he hates talking about anything negitive he just changes subject or if im lucky i get part of a story,he like your son acts all laddish without a care in the world,then out of no where he will get upset about something that happened days ago.

i agree i think she needs more training about dyspraxia as she tried to tell me it was over a word he knew well, my lads dyspraxia impacts on his memory so one day he can do something another day he cant this is well documented and not at all unusual for him.

oh no wasuup your poor girl,they dont realise what effect this kind of thing has.

I know what you mean pinkstarlight. Sometimes we will ask him something and he obviously has no idea what we are talking about (recently we asked whose birthday was next in the family - and he forgot their name!). Me and my DH look at each other as if to say OMG what planet is he on, but know that it's his planet, just a little bit different from ours! He doesn't do it on purpose, but i can see how to an under trained eye, it could be perceived as ridiculous on the border with 'are they winding me up'.
how can you tell someone off for not knowing something. It is genuine, and his TA needs to realise this.
And lets be honest, nobody likes being told off for something that they do not know, particularly in front of others.

auntdevil its nice to meet another parent who knows exactly what im talking about as my sons just the same. its so frustrating for them as it is without having someone doubt you

Thanks pinkstarlight.
Sounds the same as my daughter who can forget the day shes just had at school but remember something later on?

It may be a combination of things but the TA won't have helped if he's already feeling anxious. Has she had training specifically in the difficulties faced by children with dyspraxia? Children with SPLD have good and bad days - she should know that.

wasuup yes i know what you mean then there is other times when hes amazes me with some stored away knowledge thats hes remembered and knows every detail leaving me gobsmacked.

cornslick this is what im questioning or if she actually has the paitence, im his mum and i know hes hard work sometimes but you have to stay calm because when hes anxious his dyspraxia flares up worse it also effects his speech.

the school has got back to me and they have had a long one to one chat with him and they are sending me a copy of what hes said back to me, they are going to talk to his TA because thats one of the issues thats come up and also send her for more training.

hes not being bullied or anything like that but he did complain of hating maths (first time i have heard of it) on investigation it turns out the teacher has been giving him work to keep up with the rest of the class ignoring his special needs which she shouldnt have done so they are going to return him back to basics. he had a excerlent report for maths so no idea how that is possible or how his TA hasnt picked up on it)anyway have to read the report and make a appointment if i need to disscuss things futher.

feel alot better now especially hearing that they really wouldnt want me to remove him because they feel he has made so much progress and has been fine till recently.

Yeah! :)

Good on you pinkstarlight. At least the school are helping to identify the issues and are making a start at addressing them.
The nicest part is that they want to have him stay there. You hear so many threads at how schools constructively try to 'get rid' of 'difficult' pupils, it's nice to hear the reverse.

yes auntdevil i was really pleased with the feedback i got and that they got on to it straight the way, though the letter i got back from the school they had chosen their words around the TA very carefully.

he was taken out of class by his tutor and another teacher and they had a long chat to him,hes told me hes told them that his TA shouts at him and it upsets him but there is no mention of that in the letter.

it was made clear to me that they dont want him to leave as it wouldnt be in his best interest and that hs very popular amongst the staff,which is great to know.hes acting very out of character at the moment and the school agree that something is very wrong.

he seems so much happier since getting it off his chest whats bothering him and he even rang a friend then went to his house for a couple of hours. though before bed he was fretting that his TA will tell him off for telling tales.

im happy to let the school deal with it this time but if it happens again its going in writting.