Please read and tell me what you think.

[alittleloopy]

Hi everyone! I've posted here several times asking questions about my dd, but this time I just thought i'm going to list the things that dd does to see if anyone can give me an idea of what this could be. I understand that i'm not speaking to a medical professional(pressumably), but just thought this might help me and others.

Ok, dd is 4 and has just started foundation class. She has had 2 bad days and 5 good days so far. She still can have enormous tantrums including biting, hitting, scratching kicking and sqealing and I mean really swealing. I've posted here before about her having 2 personalities. Absolutely perfect 1 week and then a nightmare for the next. She's very bouncy. She will rarely just walk. She can get very over excited. She will be talking to me one minute and then from nowhere she will suddenly start acting a scene from a film(word for word). Although she likes routine, it can be hit and miss as to whether it would affect her if her routine was messed up. She can be very adaptable and she really wants to please(most of the time). It's just this switch that she has every now and then that sends her wild. By this point there is no reasoning. She doesn't really have much interest in learning to read etc, although she can usually remember what each page says anyway. When the doctor saw her she said that she agreed that she was restless, but to be fair to dd we were just sat there talking about her for 20 mins or so, so I think it was partly embarassment. Because I don't have lots of friends with children I don't really have anything to compare it to. Pre school certainly had their concerns and now at foundation class we have a little blue book to log her behaviour.

Does any of this ring true with anybody? Sorry to have rambled, but I just thought I should let you know the full picture.

Thanks for reading and I really hope someone can shed some light. :)

Both my dd's do the 'acting a scene from a film or kids programe' (word for word).

Its very hard to say whats wrong, my dd's have AS and HFA but only have a few similarities to your dd but then both my dd's are totally different from each other even though they both have autism.

Also forgot to say, she's quite far behind in her speach. I'd say between 6 and 12 months. 6 on a good day(or week) and 12 on a bad day. Although this wasn't really a concern at pre school. It was mainly her social skills that they were concerned about, or lack of I should say.

Having said that, they have definitely improved.

Marne- Do you mind if I ask which bits sounded familiar to you?

Have you been referred to the commnity paed? have you seen a SALT?

Because she is a girl her social skills are likely to improve, girls tend to learn how to behave is certain situations to fit in with others.

Dd2 (hfa) - is quite bouncy when she runs (almost looks a bit floppy).

Both girls like routine but dd2 seems to be able to handle big changes but not small changes (was fine moving house but if someone moved a table at school she would be upset).

Both dd's like to act out scenes from tv programes word for word (such as peppa pig/dora).

Dd2 doesn't show much interest in reading but will memorise a book after it has been read to her.

Dd1 often comes across as having 2 personalities, most of the time she is calm and then she has a day where she disagrees with everything and i can't even talk to her.

Hmmm, that does all sound rather similar. She has been seen by the HV and inclusion support, both of which didn't think there was a problem other than she was a little behind. They believed she was just very strong willed and didn't like to be given instructions. My GP said that she never had any concerns about where she should be when she's seen her before, but on the day we actually discussed maybe seeing a specialist like I said she did notice that she was very jumpy and restless. Her opinion was to see how she went at school for a few weeks as this was the real test. So far i'm still really confused whether or not I should go down that route. I think the reason is, I have heard that lots of children are being mis diagnosed and it can ruin their lives. I obviously understand that it works the same way the other way round too.

Really don't know if I should leave it any longer.

Its a tough one. Dd1's diagnosis has not really changed anything (appart from having a reason for her behaviour), she's doing well at school and is adapting to the social side of thing (although often plays on her own). DD2 on the other hand has more severe problems (mainly with speach and language) and does not really understand friendship (and doesn't care if no one likes her) but having a diagnosis of Autism has helped her access different therapy and she now has a 1:1 at school.

You need to think 'will a diagnosis help your dd?' if you feel she needs a diagnosis then push your GP for a referral. Children do get miss diagnossed but there are also a lot of children (more so girls) that don't get diagnossed.

I think you've hit the nail on the head. That's why I feel like i'm going round in circles because I really don't know if it would help her or not. If she has many more tantrums at school then I don't want people to think she's just being naughty if she really does have a problem. Most people on here I think have thought i'm being iresponsible not pushing for a diagnosis so it's refreshing to hear someone with a more balanced and understanding view.

As she has just started maybe give it until half term before following up. You could mention your concerns to the class teacher and say you are thinking of asking GP for assessment so it would be useful if she could give you some feedback by then. Most professionals would be interested to know if her behaviour varies in different contexts. It's true that diagnoses are not always straightforward but they are also not set in stone. It's good to address things early if there is an issue, if not hopefully it will set your mind at rest.

"She has been seen by the HV and inclusion support, both of which didn't think there was a problem other than she was a little behind".

With regards to your above comment neither will be able to diagnose your DD properly, you need a specialist person like a developmental paediatrician to do that.
Being "a little behind" will cause her problems both socially and educationally and you are seeing the effects of this on her behaviour at school.

Do not leave this any longer, insist to the GP that she is referred.

With regards to diagnosis I do not know of anyone who has been incorrectly diagnosed. Diagnosis too can be a long and drawn out process, its certainly not done and dusted in one visit. A diagnosis as well should primarily be seen as a signpost to getting more help!. Do not be afraid of a diagnosis because this will open up doors that will otherwise remain closed to her.

If she carries on behaving like this you could end up getting called in by the teacher at the end of every day with such finger pointing being done in front of the other parents as well. It will make you feel utter shite. The other kids will avoid her if they are not doing so already; even 4 year olds will pick up on someone being "different" and act accordingly. They will avoid her in class and in the playground.

There are reasons for her behaving as she does (and FWIW I think she is somewhere on that autistic spectrum) and it is both your interests and hers to find out why. As she progresses too through the educational system it will not get better for her unless she is adequately supported.

Attila-thanks for taking the time to post your comments.

I did think that this was what most people were going to say. With regards to feeling utter shite, I do most days when I go and pick her up. Although she has had more good days than bad, my heart still feels like it's going to pump out my chest. I know there are a few mums who probably do look at me and think that her behaviour is due to bad parenting, but overall I get lots of sympathetic looks and although they are probably well intentioned, this can also make you feel rubbish too.

I have already had a meeting with the school so they are very aware of mine and pre schools concerns. The fact that it is all being logged(although this makes things a little more real and daunting),is comforting in the sense that it is certainly not being ignored. So when we do most likely go and see a specialist we have all the information from school as well as from us. Having said all that i'm still having a hard time coming to terms with any of this. I have posted so many things about my feeling and fears over all this, but so far I have yet to find the key to accepting things are the way they are and moving forward. It's a very scary, sad and lonely time if i'm being honest. It's great to talk to people on here and I have been temporarily comforted by some of the advice given. The problem is, I have no contact with other parents in the same situation in the world outside MN. I think that's why I feel so isolated and alone. Although I have some great friends, they really don't and can't understand.

Wow. I didn't mean for all that to come out

Hi a littleloopy,

I mention that not to upset you but because my son is now at secondary school (where did those past few years go?!) and is happy there and his needs are being met.

I used to dread the 3pm collection time in Reception. Before DS's needs were properly met via a hard fought for Statement(he has both developmental and speech and language delays) it was hell for both him and me. I did not have MN then to help me, it is truly a vital resource. I had the teacher doing the finger pointing at me and many days I felt both isolated and sick to my stomach. Would not therefore want anyone to go through the same.

I would urge you to start thinking about personally applying for a Statement for your DD. It will get her additional needs properly recognised particularly in Junior and secondary school.

In my case none of the other parents thought it was due to any poor parenting on my part because I was quite open about his difficulties and they could see that I was trying my utmost to help him. In reception we applied for the Statement which started in Year 1 around 6 months later. I say six months as it can take around that length of time to set up a Statement.

It was only a few months later that another parent did approach me and went onto say that had felt very sorry for me going through all that with the teacher.

not very mn but bugger that and have a hug (((((alittleloopy)))))

Attila- thanks again.

I'm glad to hear that your son is happy and doing well. It's certainly reasuring.

When I dropped off dd this morning I once again just felt so sad for her. Don't get me wrong she loves going and is really happy and I know that's the main thing, but never the less I see all these other children running around playing with each other and it kills me. Again, she's just happy to watch, but I think she understands that they wont ask her to join in and kind of just accepts it. I can't stand some of the looks she gets from other children. I've seen a few lead her on and pretend to want to play with her and then push her away. My daughter can be very strong so most of the time she will just go off in the other direction with a forced smile.

Does your son have friends in school? Does he have friends who don't have special needs? I hope you don't think that is a strange question. It's just sometimes I think children with sn get put into this little group where they don't mix with any of the other children. I remember this at my own school and their needs varied so much. You had children with downs syndrome and then you'd just have children who were behind with their reading etc.