Aspergers and ability to learn

[PrettyCandles]

Dh and I suspect that ds1 may have mild Aspergers. We don't have any academic concerns (he is very bright) but are worried about his emotional and social development.

The more I read about Aspergers the more I suspect that I have it too, but I think I have improved in many ways, particularly since getting together with dh. Can you, effectively, outgrow Aspergers by applying lessons learned in a social context? Just like you might apply lessons learned in a maths class to non-academic situations.

If I lack the social skills and flexibility to interact successfully with others, how can I support ds in developing them?

Hello Prettycandles, I suspect I may verge on Aspergers too (DS is ASD). I have also considered ADHD and Dyspraxia (suspect Dyspraxia is more likely with me as I fall over a lot ).

I have had long chats with my GP (poor woman) about all of this and she says that she doubts Aspergers but that I may well be dyspraxic. However she also says this is irrelevant as I have survived successfully to 45 years and adapted.

So short answer is that yes you could have adapted and found your own way through but that this might have impacted on you in other ways - depression for example if you have low esteem about social and emotional skills (I do).

My son needs regular reminders and social stories which help him in social situations.
Has your DS ever had a diagnosis? If not it might be worth persuing - my DS gets a lot of extra support in developing social skills since the diagnosis.

"So short answer is that yes you could have adapted and found your own way through but that this might have impacted on you in other ways - depression for example if you have low esteem about social and emotional skills (I do)."

I hnk that's exactly what has happened to me, and I dread it happening to my dc.

Interesting about the effect HS has had for your ds, Riven. I think that the structured school environment has helped my ds a lot. Only two things about school ever upset ds. One is people not following rules or interactions, and the other is noise. Though he has improved hugely with noise.

I never thought to make the connection before, but as he has become better able to cope with things like noise and irregularity, ds's 'ritualistic' behaviours have increased. Things like jiggling, foot-tapping, rolling the hems of his clothes, and various other repetitious twitches. Again, things that I used to do and sometimes still do.

I meant to say "... people not following rules or instructions..."

Hi Prettycandles, I'm on the autism spectrum and yes, we can learn to disguise it. But it's a bit like someone who's Deaf who learns to lipread: They learn to cope, but it doesn't mean they can now hear and are no longer Deaf.
Many of us on the autism spectrum learn coping skills and become pretty good at some stuff by learning the rules for it the hard way (as our brains don't have a lot of 'common sense' or instinct for what people mean when they use body language etc.

I learned friendship skills the hard way and from books. It worked in the end, and I was able to tell our son about those same ways round the issues. I think there's more help available now for people, thank goodness. Not nearly enough, but more.

Someone deaf who learns to lipread - yes, I can relate to that.

I am finding it a huge relief to think if myself as a person with sOme degree of Aspergers. It puts my whole life into context. At last I begin to understand why I did certain things as a child, and why i struggled with things that seemed to come so easily to others.

I, too, have found some books helpful, particularly Why Men Lie and Women Cry, and another one by the same authors Why Men (Somethingorother) and Women Can't Read Maps, and also How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk.

What books have you found useful?

The Desmond Morris Peoplewatching ones and any others on body language.
I love those books about the differences between men and women, too.

One of the most useful things I was told recently was that (generally) non-autistic women use words to make friends. Non-autistic men use words to make other men do something. And people on the autism spectrum use words to communicate pure information to someone else. Three different sets of expectations, it seems!

Now that's interesting! I have only in the last few years discovered that it's OK to shut up. I have always been a bit of a story-teller, it's almost compulsive. But I am learning to zip my lip, sit on my hands, and just let the conversation flow around me.