Help us please, HFA Child Hating School. Beginning to despair.

[looksdifferentwhenyougetthere]

It is becoming unbearable. Ds is 8 and has HFA. He hates, hates, hates school. He has 32 hours one to one and a lot of support but still hates it. Has severe behavioural issues when there. At home, nothing, hardly any problems, he is pretty much perfect here and if things start to go pear shaped he is easily calmed and 9 times out of 10 can be calmed down. He is too high functioning for SN school, would not have a peer group etc but not thriving in MS. He is aggressive, melts down almost daily and goes running round the school. I am called in almost every day. We are only a couple of days into the new term and he has already hit his one to one TA and another bystanding teacher. I don't know what to do anymore. This cannot continue.

I want someone to just tell me what to do. I WANT to pull him out and Home Ed him but I don't know if I am capable of it, educated enough myself and so on. I am doing an OU degree at the moment so am educating myself to a higher level for the future, I could aim all my courses towards ones that could help ds.

At the same time I think he deserves and education at school with whatever support and changes needed to make it happen. It is like pulling teeth to get them to make the necessary changes. He hates handwriting, panics and melts down when he has to do it, I have requested numerous times that he be able to complete his work on a lap top, I know that some of the Mums on here have kids who do this at school. How do you MAKE this happen, who do you approach, are there grants you can apply for and so on? My ds is expected to fit in and adapt to their routine but he CAN'T he just CAN'T and I honestly don't feel that they are making the changes and accommodations he needs despite numerous meetings.

Please, please, help us, I am lost, I am failing him, school is failing him. I am crying as I write this. I am not doing right by him. Can someone just please tell me what to do or point me the right way?

I have a thread in special needs about special school being suggested foir my aspergers ds-I think it would be useful if you read it.
My ds is different to yours because he isn't academic, but I think many of the points other mnetters have made would hit home for youYou know you can do partime mainstream part time special or asd unit attached to ms.

If I were in your situation ? I would pull him out straight away simply because he's so unhappy. However, I'm in the fortunate situationj of being able to scrape by on dh's wage if I don't work.

Re the lap top-does it not have to part of his iep or statement? Have formal meeting with senco , teacher, camhs/whoever is involved with him and state he is being failed-I assume he's statemented. You've had lots of meetings though-I think it's time for a change?

Hope you can sort soemthing.

Thank you so much for replying, will look at your thread. Yes he is statemented. Think the problem is that he is so high functioning that many of the teachers there just don't think he needs the allowances to be made for him, the downright seems to resent it sometimes. However he was diagnosed within three appointments with Developmental Paed and Child Psychologist at age 5 and we all know how tough that diagnosis can be to get.

Sorry, can you tell me the title of the thread or link for me please? Thanks very much.

Is there a school with an autism unit or base in your area? It's a kind of halfway house between mainstream and special school and offers a safe supportive environment to withdraw to along with support to access ms education. If there is one within reasonable travelling distance and you can get the statement amended to name it you should get transport provided.

Agree with Alison .. See if there is an asd friendly school with a unit attatched near by.. Desperately trying to get ds into our local one.. I have been to see it, met the senco and it's just the place for ds.

( fingers crossed).

I think you would be absolutely fine home educating him yourself. You can learn together. You don't have to be the expert nor do you have to teach the same stuff school does.

However I think any school would be better than the one he's at now. With a full time 1:1 any school should be able to include him. So go talk to all the other local schools which have a place in his year and see which one you like the best.

Hi, 'Special school has been suggested for ds who has aspergers'
currently on the 2nd page in this topic.

I wouldn't criticize anyone for choosing to homeschool, I'm sure it's not a decision taken lightly and everyone's circumstances are different, but I trained as a teacher (so in theory should be able to do it) and I wouldn't homeschool unless it was a complete last resort and I had tried absolutely everything else first. I don't think I'd be able to help my child achieve his potential in every subject.

His school absolutely should be making adjustments for him and your choices are to start trying to make them or to find a better school.

I can't tell you how to deal with your current school because I'm in Scotland and the system is so different that it's no use to you at all, lol, but I can tell you that him being allowed to type if he has a problem with writing is a completely reasonable request. Things like that are not an issue because it's a mainstream school, I'd say that is an issue with that particular school.

Don't assume that SN schools aren't suitable for him, there are many different types of SN school - so if you decide to start looking for other schools, look at every school that might be suitable, mainstream and SN.

Your DS sounds very much like my son at that age - very challenging behaviour and towards the end of primary school he received regular exclusions.

He's now in an independent special school for AS/HFA. I found that independent/non-maintained SN schools were the only schools which bridged the gap for high functioning students with behavioural issues. SN schools refused to take him as he was academically performing far ahead of their pupils, but MS schools wouldn't consider him because of his severe behaviour.

I would consider looking into the options if there are any of these schools near you - look on the Isbi website to search. It's not easy to get a placement agreed due to the higher cost, but it sounds like they recognise that your son has a high level of need with his statemented hours already.

I'm so, sorry you are going through this. We have been through similar with ds1 (8 and having his ASD assessment next week).

I approached the Educational Psychology Crisis Team myself when things were at their worst (was given the number by our ASD Assessment Centre, but its also on the Local Authority's website) and they got involved straight away with weekly 1-1 sessions, specifically to address why ds hated school so much.

We have exactly the same issues with handwriting. Basically, if a lesson involves writing, ds doesn't produce any work, despite being in the top few children academically for his year and working a couple of years ahead on some things.

At the last IEP review, I directly asked if he could type instead of writing and offered to provide a cheap laptop, but it turns out they already had a spare Alphasmart machine, which I'm told works better in a primary school environment as its integrated into their system for printing and isn't as distracting as a standard laptop to a boy like ds who is obsessed with computers. To do this I have had to teach him to touch type. We have been using the BBC Dance Mat Typing course which he loves (not least of all because he gets to do it on my laptop!)

Are the CLD/ADS Inclusion Team involved with your ds at all? I had to contact them directly myself as well, as the school hadn't bothered. and they are taking over working 1-1 with ds at the end of his EP course (they EPs are only allowed to supply 8 sessions).

The Inclusion Team may be able to supply or at least reinforce the need for your ds to type his work. In our case both the EP and the Inclusion team have said his hatred of handwriting is a barrier to his achievement and for that reason typing is not desirable but necessary for him to succeed in school.

We have also been working with the EPs and teachers on ds filling in a feelings diary every day (Morning/Lunch/Afternoon) to help us identify exactly what it is about school that ds hates and see how we can address these problems. This process has also helped ds with his rigid thinking that school is all bad and helped him to identify things about school which he enjoys and see that he has a range of emotions across both individual days and weeks, therefore he has started to realise that school isn't all bad. Its been about four months now since I contacted the EPs and we're not there yet, but ds is a lot happier and no longer school refusing.

I would be happy to email you a copy of the feelings diary I have created for him if you think it might help.

We're going through similar with DS1. We did think we helped him settle in year 1, but his year 2 teacher has set things back the whole year and he now hates school. He has a statement and fll time support and is also on the G&T register, which demonstrates how bright he is. He goes who leeks without doing any work, though because he struggles with the environment.

Moosemama had some very good advice about the inclusion team. DS1 can write very well, but struggles with the overwhelming environment of his classroom. Typing some work and even point and click activities, such as those in Clicker have helped to motivate him. He also now has the involvement of OT who can advise on how to make the school environment as comfortable as possible for easily overstimulated kids like ours. She has admitted that most of what she can do is like weeing into the wind, mind, so long as his teacher remains the yeller that she is.

Our local ASD advisory team have also been very good, though have been frustratingly scarce since our person left her post, last summer. When we did have her, though, she was very good at spotting things that needed to change and at securing funding and other support.

I'd get him out of this negative environment immediately, and then give him time to recover. In a year or so, if it seems like it would suit, think about trying to get him into an autistic unit or something.

I'd also like to say that, as a home educator, it needn't be a last resort at all!!!! It can be the most fabulous positive step for a family. It's just that our society is very heavily institutionalised, and the idea of someone learning effectively without "professional help" seems very alien. You do NOT need teacherly skills at all - really, not at all. You just need to be willing to spend a lot of time with your child and to help them pursue their interests. The learning just happens organically, tbh.

I think I'd jump first and work out how to do it after, in your shoes!!! Come talk to us on the home ed thread - we can give you advice on books to read and how to find other home educators and how to deregister and so on.

And in the meantime, get onto the home ed special email list and you'll find dozens of families with similar histories to yours, who are now thriving outside school.

I did say that for me it would be a last resort

it's not the skills either, parents already have them, lol, you teach your children anyway

It's specific subject knowledge that would limit me with my son, but he's a lot older and we're looking towards exams soon... and some of the ones he'll be sitting (and is doing well so far in) are not subjects I could teach him, no matter how much research I put into it, lol

A really good point though is that whatever you decide to do at age 8 doesn't have to be permanent

just to add to what ommmward said, I have looked into home edding for ds and recently came across the book Home Educating our Autistic Spectrum Children. I actually found iit on the HE Special list that ommmward mentioned. It looks really useful.

We've decided not to home ed at the moment, as for the most part things are going well and ds doesn't want to leave his one and only friend, but its a very personal decision and if we didn't have the support in place that we have, I'd have pulled ds out of school without hesitation.

I've ordered the book anyway, as you never know with ASD and schools which way things will turn next.

My sister home eds and it has been great for her and her ds. He is nt, but was miserable and anxious in school.

Also, forgot to say earlier please try to be kinder to yourself. You are not failing him, you are trying hard and doing as much as you can, just like the rest of us, but we are stuck in what is at best an inadequate system and at worst a downright damaging one. For me, things only improved after we met a really helpful and supportive professional and we have had a few similar bits of 'luck' since then. If I was writing this twelve or even six months ago, it would have been a very different story. Its a tough job being the Mum of a child who has AS, keep on keeping on, you'll get there. Your ds is lucky to have you for his Mum.

Oh - and keep posting, there's so much help and support on this board and we are all here to help each other.

Thank you so much for all your supportive and so, so helpful responses.

Sorry, only just managed to get back to this, been quite a day.

Will order that book moosemama.

I suppose I am getting panicky really because this has been going on for three years and there seemed to be no end in sight but of course as you say, a decision at 8 years old does not need to be the permanent one.

Well today I have been looking for schools with ASD unit attached, not much success so far but going to keep looking. I cannot tell you how helpful it has been just to get a few pointers of where to start. Yesterday I was floundering around but today I have some idea of where to start.

I HAVE already been trying to teach him to touch type but it sort of fell by the wayside because when he is out of school I am loath to push him into anything because I just want him to be able to wind down and relax.

I do believe this school is not the right environment for him, they just do not care enough about adapting, I honestly think they have just had enough. We are all getting it wrong for him and I think they and he are just worn out, his Ed Psych who "doesn't believe in home schooling" suggested a new school and a fresh start and while I feel this could be an option, I am not sure whether the behaviours would change. I do think as zzzzz said it could be all schools. He just does not seem able to deal with the MS environment. Surely there must be other kids like this though? He can't be the only one.

Anyway thank you all so much for reading and responding, I do feel a lot more positive today but just so conscious of the years flying by and nothing changing for him. He is superbright but ONLY with things that interest him so no-one really knows where he is academically as he refuses to do anything like that and actually seems to be afraid of it. He is a free reader though and so knowledgeable about stuff that engages him so I know he is bright. This ASD malarky is just so difficult isn't it? No hard and fast rules as they are all so different, bless them!

Try not to panic too much about time running away with you. My DD1 is 13 and very academically able and has only been in an ASD unit for a few months. I can't believe what an amazing difference appropriate provision has made to her. She has caught up with her peers after missing a year of school and for the first time in her life is working at the level which is right for her. She's on target to do really well at GCSE now which I would never have predicted this time last year.

Don't be pushed into anything by the ed psych. She doesn't have to believe in home ed for you to do it. A fresh start at a new school is only going to help if the provision at the new school meets his needs fully. Otherwise you'll just get a whole new set of problems and bring the old ones with you.

I hope you do find somewhere that you feel is right for him soon.

There's a programme my DD has been using at school to learn to touch type which is really good fun. I can't remember the name of it just now but I'll ask her in the morning and post it if no-one else has done so by then.

That would be fab thankyou Al1son .

Sorry - sick younger dd this morning so forgot to ask her. Will try to remember this evening.

I wonder if its the BBC typing course I mentioned, they use that in ds's school and the children love it. Its very lively and fun, with talking animals like a liverpudlian goat doing the coaching. Ds actually asks to do it sometimes as he really enjoys it.

here

That's the one. I knew it had a name you wouldn't expect for a typing course. Thanks moose!

I have been given a touch typing game from the senco for my son to practice at home. It is called Nessy Fingers is is aimed a children 8 plus

Checked with DD1 and it is the BBC one. Perhaps you could try both and see which one he likes best.