school has suggested my son might have aspergers!

[lillybeebee]

What am I supposed to do or say about this??

Do I go to my GP or what??

He is 4 years old - he can be a handful, shouts a lot and waffles on about a load of rubbish, bith other than that he is quite a bright child.

I read up and noticed about this concentration issue and in fairness I do have to get him to look at me to get his attention.

I never thought anything of it other than it being related to the normal behaviour of a 4 year old until the nursery teacher pulled me to one side today.

It is really not down to the nursery to 'diagnose' your ds. Expressing concern is one thing, telling a parent their child might have a particular condition is really unacceptable imo. They obviously have concerns about your ds. What are they? Do you share their concerns? If you think there is cause for concern you can ask your GP to refer your ds to a community paediatrician who will ask lots of questions and may decide to assess your ds.

They said he doesn't listen, has a tantrum when they are trying to clear away the toys, rattles on and on about nonsense (Ben 10 aliens at the moment!) took his shoes off in class and takes a long time to get his coat on when it's home time !

She just said it has been noticeable for a while but particularly disruptive today and that he may have aspergers. She said she will speak to the special needs co-ordinator at the school and therefore I should know about it.

I did some google research and he does have some of the symptoms they describe, but in my opinion so do a lot of 4 year old boys in particular...

I am not offended, a bit shocked maybe and yes, a bit suprised she actually specified aspergers, but now I am not sure what I am supposed to do about it?

This is exactly what DDs nursery said to us! Turned out to be ASD with speech problems too but we already had concerns. Our health visitor reffered us after a chat about our/nurserys concerns. Be aware it can be a slow process if you get a referral. Just read up on The National Autistic Society website and for now be glad if they are talking to the SENCO at nursery they may be willing to offer extra support with any issues in the mean time. HTH

did the school approach you sympathetically ? becasue if they did, then it wasn't a diagnosis as cansu suggested, just a suggestion.
which is fine. it may well be just a 4 yr old thing. and thus not AS at all.
But please don't worry. wait to see what the SENCO has to say.

I don't think it is her place to suggest a diagnosis. Talk to you about her concerns, yes, and refer, but not diagnose. My friend's nursery suggested her son had SN because he was disruptive, but he turned out to be NT

The SENCo will make onwards referrals to get a firm diagnosis, which may take some time.

Assuming the teacher is pretty experienced and clued up, then if she is spotting "issues" there probably is enough to warrant some investigation. That doesn't necessarily mean Asperger's, and I'm a bit that she should use such a specific term at this stage. That said, the sooner you can get the concerns investigated the sooner help will be put in place for your DS, which will make his life a lot easier. So go along with it, be co-operative, do some reading, don't panic. Good luck.

It's great that they shared their concerns with you. Would have been much worse if they'd thought it and not told you.

Now make an appointment to see you GP and ask to be referred to a paed as school have concerns about your DS and think he may have aspergers.

And don't worry. The wheels all turn so slowly. It'll be months before you see the paed and then he'll probably want to see you again in 6 months before he makes any decisions. And while all that nothing is happening you and school will have plenty more time to observe DS and see whether it is 'normal' behaviour or If its crossed that invisible line.

I was coming on here to say exactly what Indigobell has - so I won't!!

If you read the SENCOP, the nursery have acted really proactively - I only wish my DS's one had and then we could have discovered a whole lot more sooner.

If they have suggested he has aspergers it is probably based on their observations, which is fair enough. They haven't diagnosed him in doing so. Next step - go to your GP.

If it were me I would do it now. I'm longing for a diagnosis now - my son is 6. It becomes more apparent as they get older and having some support helps you understand and accept what it is.

My eldest was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when he was seven. With appropriate help and support (especially in school) he is now,at fourteen, maturing into a lovely, clever and interesting young man. It has been a rocky road along the way at times, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

But you are not in the tunnel yet. The traits of Asperger's are often an exaggerated form of traits we all have (especially fellas). You need an expert opinion to tell definitively whether or not a particular person has Asperger's. See your GP, ask for a referral and take it from there.

All the best to you.

I agree that it is worse (and probably more common) for them NOT to say anything to you. Maybe she said AS because she has some experience or because it is a way to get parents to listen, many don't if it is a vague list or "feeling".
I wish DD's teacher were so proactive. I think one of the other kids in her class has ADD or some similar, lowish level "disorder". After a long talk with the teacher, because he has been causing DD problems, she said "but you must understand my position, it isn't my place to say anything to the parents. You know them well, maybe you could?"!!!! And the mum thinks everything is fine, despite many indications to the contrary because, if there were anything wrong then school would say something, argh!

Although they may have been a little presumptious with their wording, I think it's actually a good thing that they have drawn this to your attention now.

My DS was diaagnosed with an ASD similar to Aspergers when he was 12. The suggestion was made by the SENCO at his new school after I called to discuss my son's rapid descent into depression and talk of suicide

I read up on it and everything suddenly made sense. We were referred to CAMHS by the school the same day and after seeing several counsellors and specialists, got a diagnosis that school use to help him manage day to day. His social skills are not great but academically he's doing great.

I only wish his primary school had been more observant, it would have made those years easier for him.

Agree with Indigo and MotherJack.

I think they've perhaps not been very sensitive with their wording - I don't think speculating about a possibly diagnosis at this point is very helpful. That said, its good that they are on the ball and have flagged up a potential problem to you. I wish my school had, instead they chose not to listen to my concerns and kept telling me the didn't see any problems. Fast forward to today and my nearly 9 year old is being assessed for ASD next week. We/he could have avoided so much heartache if it had been picked up sooner.

As Indigo said, go to your GP, explain what the concerns are and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician. Nothing will change overnight, its a slow process of observations etc.

I know its a bit scary and bewildering to start with, but he will still be your little boy just the same, with or without a diagnosis. Its really just a way to get both you and him the support you need, should it be necessary.

Sometimes Aspergers gets dismissed as 'quirkiness' for a while a quite a few dxs are relatively late, compared to, say ASD (which is flagged up quicker often due to lack of communication)

Naughty of school of mention the Aspergers word but they were right to flag up the behaviour.

Get yourself and your DS to the GP asap.

I called the health visitor and had a chat with her.
She is going into the nursery with a nursery nurse to observe him.

They said they will do this asap and will call me back to discuss their observations after.

After much researching, I am feeling he might have ADHD rather than aspergers, but we shall wait and see.

I will keep you posted and thank you all for the replies :)