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Original poster

Instruction frustration

19 replies

Ineedalife · 11/01/2011 19:09

Dd3 is 8 and being assessed for a possible ASD, I feel like I have to give her instructions for everything. Her morning routine consists of me saying, get dressed, go downstairs, choose some cereal, brush your teeth. etc etc.

At the weekend and in the hols she will come down stairs and sit watching TV and when I come down and say have you had a drink she will just say no.

Today we were trying to get out of the door to go to Brownies and I mistakely said "Pick up your shoes" I continued to put my shoes on and when I looked around she was standing here holding her shoes..

It sounds really funny now but this is every day! Why is she not learning any independence??
What am I doing wrong??

OP posts:

signandsmile · 11/01/2011 19:14

have similar frustrations, (my ds is younger and definitely has ASD) but yeah, can't say get dressed, its put pants on, put trousers on, get shoes, bring shoes to me, put on shoes, etc etc, most of time I am so used to I don't notice, but occasionally it winds me up something chronic.

TotalChaos · 11/01/2011 19:14

Maybe try a laminated list so she has a visual reminder of a morning

Original poster

Ineedalife · 11/01/2011 20:00

I had thought about a time line, I really must get round to making one.

Then all I have to do is build it into her routine, so I will sound like this....

"Go and look at the time line", "Go and look at the time line", "Go and etc,etc,etc".

Does anyone else get sick of hearing their own voice??

OP posts:

Marne · 11/01/2011 20:33

We use visual reminders, dd1 (AS) is useless at following instructions, if i send her up stairs to get some socks she will have forgot what she's ment to be doing by the time she gets there , getting ready for school is a night-mare, if i give her 2 instructions she will only remember the first.

I get fed up of my own voice!

tabulahrasa · 11/01/2011 21:19

ah the amount of times I've had to send him back up to take off the pyjamas that are still on under his school uniform

and you can imagine what happened when I said put your shoes and socks on instead of the other way round lol

moosemama · 11/01/2011 21:30

I was thinking exactly the same thing about ds1 today, which led to a conversation with dh about creating a laminated schedule for him. (Ds1 is 8 and having his ASD assessment next week. )

If we don't prompt him, he wouldn't go to the toilet at all before school in the morning. Ditto having a wash and probably getting dressed as well! How anyone can get up and not go to the toilet within the first hour, I honestly do not know. He'd also starve and dehydrate if we didn't put food and drink in front of him. He would never notice he was hungry or thirsty, let alone actually go and get some food or a drink.

Sometimes I really start to feel like a parrot from all the repetition and yes, I do get sick of the sound of my own voice.

It doesn't help that when we're rushed in the morning, I say things like - "go and fetch your shoes" without thinking that a better thing to say would be "go and put your shoes on". Of course ds goes and fetches his shoes, but doesn't put them on and I don't realise until we are just about to go out of the door.

Another current bugbear, is having to go around turning light switches off after him. It doesn't matter how light a room is, he always switches the light on on his way in and then leaves it on when he goes out. Its particularly getting on my, already very frayed, nerves with regard to his bedroom, as the light is on in there pretty much all the time, unless I follow him up every single time he goes in there and switch it off when he leaves. Even if I remind him to remember to turn it off he doesn't manage it. We are currently having similar issues with taps as well.

moosemama · 11/01/2011 21:31

Cross posted with tabulahrasa.

We've had PJs on under clothes twice this week as well. Which is actually a bit odd - as he's never done it before.

Original poster

Ineedalife · 11/01/2011 22:06

Moosemama... I had forgotten about not going to the loo, sometimes we get half way to school when she suddenly announces she is desperate!!

Having had 3 kids I can only dream of her bladder.

She notices she is hungry and thirsty when she is desperate too and then gets in a right tizzy if I can't provide food and drink instantly.

I am really glad I posted this now, I was starting to think it was me but it can' be if you are all saying the same.

OP posts:

IndigoBell · 11/01/2011 22:37

INeed - why on earth would you think it was you that was doing something wrong? How could it possibly be you that was doing something wrong? Have more faith in yourself. Lifes hard enough as it is without blaming yourself for something that can't possibly be your fault.

tabulahrasa · 11/01/2011 22:40

oh shoes, oh god I'd forgotten, we went through a fairly long period of time where if I didn't specifically tell him to put shoes on before he went out then he wouldn't

which is fine to take rubbish out, slightly more embarrassing when a neighbour phoned to say - do you know he's just brought back that pair of scissors you borrowed in his bare feet, in the snow and worst of all the time I sent him to the shop for milk, 3 streets away rofl

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 11/01/2011 23:04

I do this every day, and just got used to it we do have a rota for daily stuff but I do tend to leave her clothes on the sofa downstairs so she see's them first thing.

uniqua4 · 11/01/2011 23:17

same with us, once i found ds spent the day at school with no pants on! so back to barking instructions. I've realised i'm the same with new things and always forgetting and have to learn orders on how to do things! So guessing was the same as ds a child .

moosemama · 11/01/2011 23:40

lisad123, we do that. We lay his uniform out on the sofa in the same place every day in the order he needs to put them on (pants first, then socks etc).

I've not been well for about a week and dh was in charge for a couple of mornings, hence the pjs under the clothes occurrences.

Original poster

Ineedalife · 12/01/2011 16:13

Indigo, I guess I hadn't realised that this lack of independence went hand in hand with the ASD.

The lady from CAMHS said we should treat Dd3 as if she has an ASD even without a DX, so I have been trying to work out what is 8 year old stuff and what is ASD stuff.

We don't have an issue with clothes though because Dd3 has to put everything on in her order, ie pants before socks and trousers before t shirt.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ineedalife · 16/01/2011 21:58

Just thought I would give you a quick update.

Dd3 and I have made a visual timetable for her morning routine today.

We had a great time with the laminator, velcro,felt and glue.

It looks great and even has a photo of her at the top, she was really keen so fingers crossed for the morning.

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magso · 17/01/2011 15:16

I put the clothes in the correct order on the sofa but I still have to remind each item dispite a chart. Oh how I wish the adverts on Tv were replaced with a getting dressed /eating breakfast on screen tutor! Do you think sky/ CBBC could oblidge?

Original poster

Ineedalife · 17/01/2011 16:40

I had to keep saying "whats next on the timetable" but hey it was certainly better.

And Dd3 enjoyed doing it, it seemed to take her mind off actually getting ready for school.

Good old velcro and laminating sheets how did we manage without them LOL.

OP posts:

magso · 18/01/2011 20:24

Great!
You may have to prompt for a while but hopefully - eventually - not each and every step! We have visual prompts in the bathroom (toilet wash teeth), bedroom (dressing) and by the front door ( school bag/ kit/coat).

Original poster

Ineedalife · 18/01/2011 22:04

We had a bit of confusion today because last night she decided to place the labels in randon places around the timetable but then couldn't cope with it this morning

She kept saying how can I do so and so before so and so. I kept very calm and said "Well tonight we will put them in order" which we have.

So back on track for tomorrow

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