SENCO - and no clue to what might be the issue

[tryingmybest13]

Hello

I am new here and sorry if this is too long?!! Spec. Ed mums advised me to post here. My DS is 7 (today!), is in year 2, and has just returned to school. He has been at this since September. When I got into the classroom his teacher asked me if I could meet with SENCO next week as she and two other staff members have concerns about his behaviour, which they had discussed at a school meeting. She wasn?t specific. At parents evening she said he was fine (this was November) and doing great academically ? he has been assessed at levels 3a and 4b for reading, writing and maths. I have two incidents last term where the teacher said DS was mucking about during carpet time and she was a bit worried he was in ?a dream world? and not paying enough attention to the lessons. He is also a bit slow and dressing/undressing ? though this is improving. In another incident, DS had fallen out with another kid (who is always losing Golden Time) and had shouted at him in the toilets. So I spoke to DS and agreed with the teacher if it happened again she would remove DS?s golden time. However, after speaking with her again last term, she said that was resolved and things were fine.

When DS was two, we tried to put him into nursery but he wouldn?t settle: the key worker said he might be suffering anxiety problems and told us to go to Sure Start. We saw a psychologist, through CAHMS who said she didn't see any major issues but to go on a parenting course. I did, and there was nothing said to me that I wasn?t already doing. When he started school nursery about half through the trainee teacher said she was concerned DS didn?t have a regular friendship group and concerned that he spent too much time reading, rather than playing. The teacher assessed him and said reading ect good, but to go to CAHMS in case anything going on. We were referred back to CAHMS. We saw another psychologist twice who reported that she saw nothing at all. So the matter was dropped. At his old school (which was and still is in special measures ? so they have enough problems!) nothing was said to me about DS in year 1, apart from one or two minor incidents with carpet time and one incident where DS was pinched (and he had lost his temper and wouldn?t stop screaming at the other child).

DS is socially fine, has a friendship group and his behaviour is usually ok. The only things I have noticed are sensitivity to some clothes/labels and some noises (e.g. fireworks), and, on occasion, he gets in a tiss/loop and it takes him time to get out of it.
I guess my question is (sorry) what are your experiences with SENCO and any advice you have for me? I have had great general advice from the parents educational advice charity about what to ask, but any personal advice about what might be the issue and/or what happens next would be so helpful.

Thanks for reading

Sorry - I was responding to the post before!

I think the moving about, day dreaming and over-reaction made them think ASD. That he is doing 'avoidance strategies' (SENCO's words) as he can't cope with certain things. Oh he also backchatted teacher (with precision and logic) about the Australian floods during science (they were meant to be doing push and pull and he has done that before) which she said was overheard by the assistant head who asked if his rudeness was on purpose or did he have difficulties understanding how to speak to people - social impairments. Sorry forgot about that point!

Even though ASD has been ruled out before, SENCO said that he was possibly too young; but at same time did not think getting a dx helpful if 'complex' Whereas I think if he is complex then we need to get some clarity.

I know - the asd maths fanatic thing - puzzles - has annoyed me. I teach some university students who are ASD and my word that comment is so, so infuriating.

He is really, really smart. He is good at maths but also literacy. He loves learning about everything and anything, really and fab at conceptual thinking. But that doesn't rule out anything else. I feel both aspects need assessing and supporting. Yes, the extension work - we had that at his old school (apart from one teacher who gave him other stuff) and while in Reception he complied and, to an extent in year one, he did get bored with doing sheet after sheet of the same thing.

My brain has also melted!

Thanks! Will look at it. Yes, asd if there can't be separated from my whole son! And that is what I fear will happen if I don't get specialist input. If SENCO gives him jigsaws it will destory his confidence and he will play up.

Jolijo - never thought about that. Will do! Thanks. Oh and littlefish; her justification for jigsaws feels, on reflection, like some weird idea about ASD and puzzles...which has scared me to death! To be fair, I took advice and asked her not to beat around the bush...so perhaps I pushed her to say possible ASD. Yes I don;t get the extension work; DS is SICK of how many ways can we retell fairy stories!

I think this woman has gone on a training course about ASD. The spectrum is huge. My son could never do a jigsaw (he has asd but is the most dyspraxic child ever). he also never looked like he was listening but had heard everything. From what you say, I don't think for a minute your son has autism. There may well be some shades of grey but we all have those! I think he possibly is a bit weak socially but that is made up by his massive brain power. He sounds so like my year 7 chap who is very very dyslexic, socially somewhat quirky but a mini genius. I think you have become involved in a bit of a car crash between young, inexperienced teacher whose worried, a SENCO who thinks she knows stuff (and give her her due does) but is reading more into this than there is and a rather unimaginative rationale.

I think you should ask for the Ed Psych to see him.
Social stories are very good - google them and you will get some examples. I write them for my lot when needed. They are written in the first person so:

Working in a Group:

Sometimes my teacher wants me to work in a small group.
I go into the group with x y z
We have a task to do.
I must listen to the others. I can respond to what they say but not talk over anyone.
I can put my ideas forwards.
They might like my ideas and use them.
Sometimes they might not like my ideas and decide not to use them.
I must try not to get upset because everyone deserves a go.

Get the idea? Usually supported with pictures. I have to say your son doesn't seem like the obvious candidate for them but I'm not there (wish I was in a way - I'm sure I could cut all this crap - I tend to say it how it is and then you'd know). How does he play with his friends if they come over? Is it always on his terms or is there give and take. Does he get bored with friends - so they are over and then your son wanders in and asks if he can go on the computer or do something that he wants to do with no thought that he's invited someone else round? Sorry to give you so many questions.

Flyingmum - this is really, really useful. I will ask for someone to look at him. The social stories; yes I do get it. I will try one out! Yes, I wish you were here; to cut the crap and just give me a better clue of how to work with my son! The trouble is now it has been suggested I have started to over-analyse everything; is it that his cleverness enables him to imitate social stuff and cover it up? (not a bad thing if he is ASD cos he can learn, which will help him to some extent). When his friends come round, there is normal give and take, negotiation. and so on. My son and his friends only get a bit bored of their games if the session is long and the weather bad; then my son asks if they (not him alone) can go on the computer to play games. Hmmn wait - ocne he asked to go on it alone. Or didn't mention his mate who was playing with an airport game. I said no and why, and he was fine and said sorry.

My colleague's son is 13 and Asperger's and at ms school. We talked today and she said she'd been through the wringer for years trying to get IEPs etc but has an great SENCO now that is really flexible in her thinking. Her son talks lots and can't infer boredom, can destroy her furniture and hates large groups. He stole her mobile last night and group texted her whole list with the words 'tart-head'. BUT he is ok with school work and has two close friends and is very, very creative. He also has started to say sorry and learnt some social boundaries. The right teaching for him has made a huge difference; he refused school at primary level.

She told me to check it out via Ed. P. and go back to SENCO, nicely, with other strategies for the meantime..but she also said same as you, really. SENCO sounds text-booky. Only worried about my son's mental healht right now. He knows the teacher is stressed and fussing. She keeps drawing attention to him (today) and it has freaked him well out. He has asked me what is going on. She means really well, but he gets nervous in such situations. She asked him question after question at carpet time to keep his attention and he now is zoning out reading his book.

One thing that really helps the teacher my DS move less sit still at carpet time is a move-n-sit cushion. The OT normally recommends them, but school might be very happy for your son to try one of them if his movement is disturbing.

My DS uses his all the time at school.

Thanks Indigo - that does look useful. One thing ds said tonight was revealing. He said that his carpet spot gives him a line of sight view to a light; they are very bright and buzz a bit when the class is quiet. He said he is trying to do both his thinking and listening to the teacher while avoiding looking at the light because it hurts his eyes. He has always, as said earlier, been a bit sensitive to some sensory stuff. He asked if I could ask the teacher to move his carpet spot. It doesn't solve the thinking about other stuff issue, but it might help him a bit and help the teacher....

Hi everyone

Thanks for your support thus far. I wanted to give an update. We saw the GP this evening. He spent 30 mins (lucky us!) talking to us and DS. He concluded that, really, he heard nothing, saw nothing at all other than a funny, bright boy. His feeling was that bits and bobs of 'half-baked' observations had been 'cobbled' together to fit a narrative. He said he couldn't easily or happily refer DS anywhere. He looked at DS's HV developmental records and saw nada. He said that sometimes there are subtle behaviours - and if we are worried he is happy to dig deeper. Given ds has seen CAHMS before we agreed he would re-read the letters from them and if he saw anything at all that made him think again, he would get back to us. He said he will get back to us anyway by Friday and says he will write a note to the school with his opinion. He also said pretty much the same as you lot on here!

DS's good friend's mum is a primary school teacher/phase manager. She is not a friend of mine - the kids are mates. I called her up and told her what had happened with SENCO and her reaction was the same, too. She said sure, go to doc's, but she had never seen anything in terms of ds's behaviour.

I'll see what Friday brings. I am knackered with it all.