DS teacher is "worried" and wants me to get him checked for aspergers.

[Kirk1]

I think she's worrying over nothing TBH. DS is 7, academically bright and fairly social. He's a sensitive boy, and is emotionally young for his age. He will cry when he can't manage things (He was sobbing last night because the computer game he was playing was too hard)

Unfortunately, among the geeky community it seems to be trendy to display Aspergers symptoms and DH mentioned the word to the teacher at parents evening before christmas. Now she thinks I should take him to the doctor to be checked out/referred (whatever she thinks the GP can do )

Personally I think it's a waste of time, he may have some symptoms (like he's completely obsessed with dinosaurs, to the exclusion of anything else, unless you can somehow relate it to dinos) but he's happy and outgoing, bright and talkative and as far as I can see has no problems that can be solved by putting a nice neat label on him. There are enough parents here with children with real problems, tell me am I being a bad parent and not noticing problems or is she trying to stick a label so she can fit him into a neat box?

Think you need specifics of what the concerns are. You have noticed some traits, presumably your dh has too, she may offer others. Bear in mind your son's teacher may ahve more experience of the norm for 7yr olds than you and see him in a day to day group situation. He may be fine or he may need some input to help him cope. Assuming you agree there is some foundation there is no harm approaching a gp to see if he would refer.

Teacher's concerns are: DS is stubborn, he gets upset when he's frustrated, he pretends to be a Utah-raptor a lot of the time (Hunching over and holding his arms up in front of him, making animal sounds and occasionally pretending to attack his friends) He talks to himself. None of these things are news to me, or things that concern me much. His sister at age 7 was pretending to be a dog. She grew out of it. I don't think she wants to help him cope with the lessons (as far as I can see he copes fine most of the time) I think she wants some help to cope with him because he's not a perfect model student like the majority of the rest of the class.

We have discussed it with DS and suggested that pretending in the classroom is not appropriate behaviour and asked him not to be a dinosaur in classroom time. He seemed to get it and said OK. That should take one of her worries away and it tells me he is quite socially aware really.

Have you had a meeting with the senco yet? Is he already on an IEP ? If his behaviour is interfering with his learning and that of the other children, and he cannot control it easily (ie he has an IEP but he is not achieving the targets agreed), then it does seem appropriate to follow it up. Why are you so resistant to the teacher's desire to get him on track. I doubt she has any dubious motives and extra help would be much further down the road. It may not lead to a "label" just positive help and encouragement.

I'm resistant to the idea that the teacher thinks there might be a diagnosable problem based on a few incidents and my dunderheaded DH mentioning the A-word to her. Until he said it she hadn't mentioned special needs at all! He was just being a bit obsessive and occasionally rude (not-listening seems to equal rudeness in her book) As far as I can tell his behaviour is not affecting his learning very much (Sometimes he refuses to do the work, but most of the time he's doing very nicely) He has other teachers, none of whom seem to have a problem with him. His end of term report was lovely from his other teachers. He goes to the local Beavers group, again with no problems.

Outside her classroom he seems to be a normal happy boy with no real behaviour difficulties other than a dinosaur obsession.

Is it normal for a child with genuine special needs to behave that differently and only in that one situation?

I really want something more than this before I bother the doctor. I feel like the teacher has seen the child sneeze and diagnosed full-blown swine flu. I don't want to be the parent wasting the doctors time over nothing, especially when I see nothing to be worried over.

Does it do any harm to check?

Having a diagnosis of something doesn't make him a different boy it would just mean he has access to support.

My DS is such a happier boy now we have more knowledge of how he lives in the world.

My understanding is that many people have ASD traits, but it's the 'constellation' of a series of traits that earns a diagnosis. Certainly, my DS consistently finds social situations pretty challenging and he has an Asperger's diagnosis. As LIZS says, its unlikely you'd get an inaccurate diagnosis if you did decide to go ahead - but unless your DS needs support at school, I wouldn't be too worried as yet. FWIW, I also know other children who insisted on being dinosaurs for a while and grew out of it ...

We had concerns during nursery about ds and aspergers for the same sort of reasons, total obsession about trains, order and numbers perfectionism etc etc.

I posted on here for advice but it turns out he is fine.

In my opinion your ds's teacher can't cope with any child who is a little out of the box. She likes nice, studious, compliant children, preferably girls and she expects standards of behaviour way above their age. I am not the only mother of a boy who thinks this.

She is going to have a heck of a shock when her child gets to this age!

Oh and dh is not working on Monday so he is going to the meeting!!!!!!! They don't know him like they know me!

I have a 7yr-old with AS and he too could be described as bright, talkative, happy, outgoing etc. Obviously this doesn't mean that your ds does have AS but equally there's nothing in your posts which would necessarily rule it out.

If there are problems in class then the teacher and SENCO should be looking at an IEP and discussing potential targets with you/your dh, regardless of a diagnosis. If the issues can be resolved then you may find that an IEP will no longer be needed after a while.

I'm not sure that the school has a SENCO.

I know the teacher in question, she taught my ds last year. I don't think Kirk has any need to worry.

I have taught children in an after school class with aspergers pixie and am currently teaching one whose parents refuse to acknowledge the suspicions so I understand the problem.

I honestly don't think the OP's child has a problem though but the teacher does.

Pixie, I'm more angry that she seemed to pounce on the label when DH mentioned it (it's never been suggested by the teacher - or anyone else for that matter) and there has been no dealing with it at all. Also, I think different rules apply to private schools, I'm fairly sure there isn't a senco. (BTW, can someone enlighten me to what an IEP is?) If there had been issues with his behaviour I would have heard about it from the head of junior school, and the other mothers in his class as they wouldn't put up with disruptive behaviour when they pay so much to send their little darlings to that school. [raspberry emoticon]

I will be taking DC to see someone at the dr (unrelated to this) on Weds and will mention it, if only so I can say I have mentioned it and there is no problem. If it turns out there is a problem then at least we'll know about it but I doubt anything will change.

elphaba, my DH is going too, they can sit and be against the mothers ;) Teacher's child is a girl, so she'll probably be one of her sickening little angels...

Mention it to the doctor - you'll probably get a referral in case you're not noticing something and the teacher has rolls eyes

they'll assess him and if there's no issue he'll be sent away again

he'll not get a diagnosis if there isn't a reason for it, god it's hard enough to get one when everyone agrees there is something there, lol

yes private schools have SENCO's and IEP's, use SA and SA+ although they may not readily publicise it. At dc school the SENCO is pt and does relatively little classroom teaching.

An IEP is an Individual Education Plan btw - basically you and SENCO would agree the areas he needs to work on ie being a dinosaur only breaktime, completing the work set, set a target and how it will be monitored and when it will be reviewed. This would be recorded in a document called an IEP. You could also ask that the teacher to keep a note of any incidents of frustration in case there is pattern (ie towards the end of the morning if he is tired or hungry) or in certain situations ie lining up or when another child takes precedence.

If he does have Aspergers, but you don't find out for another couple of years till things deteriorate - won't you regret not having acted on this suggestion earlier?