Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Original poster

First day at school.........oh dear :(

12 replies

Mustbetimeforwine · 05/01/2011 15:15

I've posted on here several times about my concerns for dd's first day in her foundation class. Well, today was the day and I was a lot worse than I thought i'd be. I actually managed to get my head around it the last few days, but as soon as I dropped her off this morning I was a nervous wreck. Unfortunately, my fears were sort of confirmed. They briefly lost her at break timeShock and when I asked the teaching assistant if she was ok she just looked at me sympathetically and said she wasn't that bad.[sad}

I know that doesn't sound terrible, but as soon as we got her in the car she burst into tears and said she hated the teacher and she's never ever going back and said she was very naughty. Like my nerves weren't shot enough!!

I wasn't able to speak to the teacher properly today as they were obviously really busy. Never the less though, I was hoping for more feed back than I got.

DD possibly has asd, but(as posted before)over christmas she's been perfect. An angel you could say actually. As soon as she's gone to school, which by the way she really wanted to go to, she's like a different child showing classic autistic signs. I don't understand how these signs can be hidden for so long at one time. It almost feels as though i've got 2 different daughters. Can anyone relate to that?

Hope everyone elses dc had a good first day back. :)

Few words of comfort would be really appreciated. Any advice from anyone?[hmm}

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mustbetimeforwine · 05/01/2011 15:19

Missing a couple of links. Sad and Hmm

Obviously really necessary and you wouldn't have understood my emotions if I hadn't of corrected! Grin.......see?

OP posts:
StartingAfresh · 05/01/2011 15:36

Is there anyway you can send a note into the school saying that your dd will not be in tomorrow and you'll wait until they have a proper transition plan in place,

and that you understand that it might be better to wait until next week to meet to discuss this?

That you feel you have given it a try the standard way but your dd needs more support and given the rigidity of thinking for her due to her ASD any positive or negative emotions associated with the first days of school are likely to stay with her for years!?

Original poster
Mustbetimeforwine · 05/01/2011 15:59

That's what i'm scared about. When she first started pre school she really struggled. She didn't like the structure and found it almost impossible to sit still(not always). She could also be violent which she's just started at home again. Great! The point i'm trying to make is that even though she still had her problems she didn't actually settle down quite quickly. However, even though children of pre school age are probably more forgiving or possibly forgetful of another child's unusual behaviour, I still noticed how those children looked at her. It was like someone was stabbing me through the heart everytime. Never got easier. The thing is at primary school children I think can be much crueler, so even if she was to settle into foundation class quite quickly she will have devoloped a reputation as the 'weird girl' and therefore not make any friends. To be honest though, I fear that if I took your advice they would get education welfare officers involved.

Oh god!! Just feel so lost. It's really hard to explain to them what she can be like when sometimes her behaviour is almost 'normal'. We're nowhere near a diagnosis and certain people still believe she's just behind. Really don't know what the next move is. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Mustbetimeforwine · 05/01/2011 16:00

I meant that "she did settle down quite quickly". Blush

OP posts:
StartingAfresh · 05/01/2011 16:02

EWO? So what? THEY can put together a transition plan then?

You have to make it quite clear your goal is to get your dd into full-time school, but you need to get it right from the beginning to ensure there is no school refusal later on. It's called 'early intervention' and 'tranisition planning', hardly invented by you, or me for that matter.

StartingAfresh · 05/01/2011 16:05

If they mention EWO, act relieved that the school have recognised they are unable to 'transition' you dd without support and thank them for recognising it.

Poor you though. Not exactly how you want to begin your relationship with the school, but trust me, a couple of years after your dd has left they will have forgotten her name, but you (and she) will be living with the consequences of any mistakes. Follow your heart and your instinct.

Ineedtinsel · 05/01/2011 16:10

FWIW, I think you should make an appointment with the HT and SENCO and go and talk to them about your feelings about your Dd.

You may have already done this so feel free to tell me to shut up.

Make some notes about how things affect your Dd and how they can best manage any challenges she faces. Remember you know her best.

I know what you mean about having 2 children, my Dd3 keeps her head down at school and tries to remain invisible and then explodes when she gets home.

It is a tough call whether to send her tomorrow or not, you have to consider her safety, if they lost her that is not a good sign. Although the fact they admitted to losing her on the first day should be an indictor that they will more more vigilant in the future.

Sorry you and your Dd are having such a hard time but remember we are here for you and loads of people will be around later with more advice. Smile

Original poster
Mustbetimeforwine · 05/01/2011 18:13

Thanks everyone.

ineedtinsel, I suppose i'm getting more worried the more I think about it. I keep telling myself it's a closed space, although the playground is massive. I just don't know what the best thing to do it(as I keep saying). I will have a chat with them tomorrow. Don't know when would be best to do that though they don't seem to act like they have a lot of time for you.

I already had a meeting with the teacher and SENCO a few months back now and I was at the time very reassured. That same teacher is off sick though so obviously I can't express my new concerns with her.

I don't want to think about not sending her as I had a tough time at school and the more time I had off, the more I dreaded going back. Obviously this is a different situtation, but at the same time the principle is the same. The longer you leave things the harder they get. Hmm Am I right? I don't know.

It was such a lovely christmas, so this just feels like an extra big kick in the teeth. Even though we have always had it tough with her(up and down), now she's at school I feel like the downs are going to be a hell of a lot steeper. :(

Oh i'm sure somebody's just going to want to get hold of me and slap me round the face and few times and tell me to pull myself together. Wish I could.

Thanks again.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 05/01/2011 19:16

mustbe,

You my fellow Mumsnetter, are your child's best AND ONLY advocate here so you need to be assertive and fight her corner. This is because no-one else is going to or will do so.

You write that you're nowhere near a diagnosis but who have you seen to date in terms of professional people, anyone like a developmental paed for instance?.

Is your DD on any plan like School Action Plus?. What has the SENCO said, you need to meet again with this person asap.

TBH the surest way you will get your DDs additional needs properly identified with regards to school and her education is for you to obtain a Statement (this is a legally binding document) for your DD. Has anyone ever mentioned Statementing to you re her additional educational needs?.

IPSEA's website is well worth a look re statementing and has useful letters for parents to use www.ipsea.org.uk.

Ineedalife · 05/01/2011 19:22

If you can I would go straight to the office either before you take her in or straight after and ask to see the HT. You might have to wait or go back later.

The Teacher is only going to be able to give you a few seconds before and after school so I would bypass that.

Tell the HT everything, take some notes if you can. Explain that you have tried to access help and see if he/she has any ideas.

Tell them that you want to work with them and that you want her to like school, you should all be working towards the same goal.

Good luckSmile

ps. have named changed from tinsel because I think the decorations should be down shouldn't they? Mine are still up. LOL

mariamagdalena · 05/01/2011 19:55

Don't worry about keeping her off or even sending for 30 min / day if you think you need to. She probably won't yet have 'got' that school's every day till she hits late teenagehood. Much more important to get her early experiences right so hating the place doesn't become too ingrained. You could book a strategic GP appt for 11.45 tomorrow if you want an excuse Wink

Shugarlips · 06/01/2011 10:12

I sent my DS to school in 2009 very apprehensively (but I didn't know why I was worried - which sounds dumb I know). I sent him and we had a rocky start. He didn't run off but he hit other children, lay on the floor and wouldn't get up, went around using bad language to the children etc, etc. I listened to the teacher. My DS was involved in a ruccus in the playground and the school phoned me at work and asked that I go in. I turned up at the heads office and she had my son in there who looked petrified and she ranted on about how he could have seriously hurt someone if they had not intervened and how parents had been complaining about him and how we had to get it sorted because he wouldn't be invited to birthday parties etc if he carried on.

I mentioned autism to her and she said he was fine with fire alarm (!). This obviously showed me the woman had little idea of ASD/Aspergers and sensory processing difficulties. I organised for a private Ed Psych to go in (£500) and boy did the school jump.

My DS was observed by their SENCO in class and out of class immediately prior to the EP visit and they wanted a meet with me to feedback what they saw. Things have moved quickly and the school take me seriously and I think thats the point I am trying to make. We are having him assessed again outside of school as well for reasons I won't go into here.

Don't take shit from other parents or teachers who think they know what ASD is because the likely hood is they do not have the experience/knowledge required to make a judgement. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. Your DD is struggling for a variety of reason you are not clear on. Follow your gut and don't be fobed off. None of this is easy and I am sorry if I sound bossy (I am btw!) but Atilla is right statementing is the way and you have to be strong for her. In order to get a statement she will need to be seen by school's EP (this is my understanding - please check for your area/LEA). We got someone in to the school privately quickly because they were going down the 'he's naughty' route and I wasn't having it. I knew it would take time for them to recognise his difficulties and refer DS. Good Luck x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page