DD starting school next week.........HELP!

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Hi everyone

Don't get me wrong, I understand that this is no new dilema, but I just thought i'd share anyway.

DD who possibly has ASD will be starting foundation class at school next week and now that christmas is as good as over, I can't relax. Because whatever she has is fairly mild(hence no diagnosis yet), we have no idea whether or not she is going to really struggle at school or not. It's the not knowing that is killing me. This last week she has been an absolute star and has come on so much. She's come on so much that I have wondered sometimes if there is anything wrong with her atall. Maybe i'm just kidding myself.

Would also like to ask is it possible to be suspected to be on the spectrum and then turn out they were just behind in their social skills etc?

I do feel like she will need help with her reading and writing as she is very behind in that. I very rarely get her attention when it comes to learing to read and write. She drew a ladder yesterday! We were really chuffed. I know that sounds weird but she doesn't really draw. She tends to just squiggle.

Anyway I guess I was just looking for a bit of reassurance really. I know loads of you will be going through a very similar situation and understand that feeling of dread as we approach the new term.

Any experiences or advice much appreciated.

Thanks for reading
:)

Hiya

I cannot answer your question about social skills and being on the spectrum because we are currently going through the diagnosis process ourselves and have similar questions in our minds so it would be wrong of me to offer advice.

I can give you a little bit of a picture about our experience though ...

Our DS (now in year 1) but an august born child so only just in year 1 doesn't really draw either and gets really angry if he goes out of the lines when colouring so I think this is why he doesn't often colour.

Before we sent him to school I was really worried (but I didn't know what about!!!)and friends and family thought I was clinging to him because he is my youngest but I just knew there was something about him that would mean it wasn't going to be easy. In reception he was very physical in the playground (and got major told off which was a good thing in that he knows not to do it again but I thought the school were heavy handed) and had meltdowns in class but he still wanted to go and seemed to like the structure school gave him!

His teacher says he is a different boy in terms of his listening (which he doesn't do at home) and DS said to me the other day he wants to go back to school. He really thrives off the structure/visual timetables etc.

I am convinced DS has Aspergers (there are strong genetic indicators in the family)but I still have days when I doubt myself a bit because he seems 'OK' but I write stuff down that he is doing and saying on the bad days which helps me remember and stay focussed on getting him diagnosed. He really shows AS when in unfamilair surroundings and with unfamiliar people/food/smells/expectations etc but at home 1:1 he is angel like although he needs constant entertaining because he doesn't have much imagination when it comes to 'playing'.

I suppose what I am trying to say is that your DD may really like school and find her way (my DS surprised me!!!). Try not to worry too much (easier said than done) and follow your gut instinct - I cannot stress that enough because you need to believe yourself and trust what you see and hear as a mother.

Gosh just read that and it seems a bit deep (and long!) but I don't think people (inc professionals) give us much credit!!!

Sorry to hear that you are so worried.

I think it's more common for kids 'suspected to be on the spectrum' to be on the spectrum, then for them to be just a little behind.

If she was 'just a little behind' you wouldn't be worrying as much as you are now.

It's not nice to hear. But an awful lot easier to hear now then in X years time when you realise you've missed out of X years worth of helping her....

Thanks for the replies.

I would have imagined that it's very rare for a child who is suspected to be on the spectrum not to be. I suppose the suspision is there for a reason. I know it was a rather odd question really, but i've been wanting to ask it for ages.

My dd actally can cope with routine changes(sometimes)quite well. She certainly doesn't 'scream' autism, but certain things like she's 4 and still hasn't made a proper friend yet and does still lash out physically when she doesn't get her way(again, sometimes)do I suppose ring alarm bells. The most concerning for me though is how she shows hardly any interest in learning her abc's etc. I do a lot of bribing, which i'm pretty sure people will disagree with, but it will usually work. I can't bare to see her struggle with making friends and with her school work. Not a good combo. The school she's going to is massive and I worry that she'll get lost. Of course they tell me this is what every parent thinks, but my dd does tend to just run and it can be terrifying!

shugarlips, is your ds violent atall and does he struggle to make friends?

Thanks for reading again anyway.

Any more advice you have would be great.

Somehow I missed the first time round that it was a girl . Girls on the spectrum are often very different to boys on the spectrum, far less typical, and far harder to diagnose. So it's really good that things are starting on that front.

When you told the school 'I worry that she'll get lost' they may have thought you meant metaphorically - ie the teachers won't notice her amongst all those hundreds of infants - as opposed to literally 'she's a runner' ( another classic ASD trait)

So make sure you spell out in black and white that she's a runner and you are literally concerned that she'll escape or get lost...

DS was OTT in the playground (wrestling and bundles) which the school clamped down on straight away. He does have a tendancy to be violent with his sister but recently we have had a zero tolerance policy and he is taken out of the situation immediately and put in his room for a specified amount of time, which he hates. His behaviour has really improved towards his sister and he rarely hits us and if he does he knows immediately he shouldn't have. He has never had out of control tantrums - just random hitting and shoving. He is gentle with our cats

DS likes to be around other children and he thinks (at the moment) that he has friends at school. His classmates 'know' him now and have adapted their behaviour I think but I can see in the playground he is quite in their faces and speaks at them rather than has a conversation.

He doesn't have a particular friend and talks about 5 other boys. His teacher says there are 5 of them in the group and they always play chase together. I think DS got a reputation in reception as being naughty and that has stuck (I can tell by the snotty looks in the playground from the other mums) but he knows hitting is wrong and there are children in his class who behave far worse (according to him and some parents I talk to). We have had two boys back for tea and DS struggles with that (he gets rough, frustrated when they won't listen to him or do what he wants, he hugs them a lot) so I have to be in the same room as them and structure the 'play'.

I guess there will come a time when the penny drops and he realises he is different but we are doing our best to prepare for that.

Tis bit worrying this starting school lark. DS starts on Tuesday too. Doubly odd I think for the Jan starters as they are going into a group who have been together a while.

Try not to worry about the drawing/ writing reading stuff. EYF targets are for the end of foundation/ reception and NOT all children will start already able or willing to write their name or draw anything recognisable.

My personal worry about DS is what will he do when expected to do something he doesn't like. At home he will run screaming from the room if he sees a Character from TV/ story he dislikes * could be interesting at school. Also suspect the TA will spend a lot of time fishing him out of the loos where he will be singing. Not sure how much lunch he will eat either, currently he takes an hour to eat a very modest lunch with no distractions...

Ds is almost certainly NT, but hes a bit of a square peg.

• current list includes Madeline, Lazy town , Chuggington , Thomas ,Charlie and Lola also The Gruffalo , Max & the wild things.