Shocked at School's Connors questionnaire

[coogar]

Hi again - a bit long, sorry! Have mentioned recently that we have completed Connors for our son aged 7 for an ADHD assessment. The school have supplied me, at my request, with a copy of the Connors questionnaire and I feel sick. I do not recognise the little boy they have described. They have scored him with a 3 obviously on concentration/attention etc (as we have), but I didn't realise he was struggling so much socially and with his peers. He has friends and a best friend. He is a 'social animal' and can make friends easily. But from what the teacher says, he 'intimidates' his peers with his behaviour and has some poor social skills. I can see myself sometimes that when he's excited, he can get on his mates nerves and I have to tell him to calm down, but I had no idea they saw him in this way. I feel so sad that he isn't very popular and is making life hard for himself there. The school have mentioned medication to me twice now without any assessments by a paed. He has 35 children in his class and a newly qualified teacher - do you think this would impact his behavior or their opinions of him??

Large class and an NQT won't help,but it doesn't necessarily account for his behaviour.
It is horrible reading such negative things about your child but if a diagnosis is forthcoming iot should lead to help for him in the long run.

I understand that you are sad but I think it is better that the school is honest, if your son is struggling then it is better to get a Dx now and get him some support than to wait until year 6 and be in a panic about his behaviour at school.

I wish Dd3's school could be a bit more honest and stop denying that she has any difficulties.

I don't think it is their place to suggest medication for your son, they should leave that to the paeds.

Good luck.

My son always coped much better at home than in school, but if they are to support him effectively they have to be absolutely honest.
I do agree that it isn't their role to suggest medication at all. Was that the SENCO?
How exactly did they phrase it?

Thank you ladies! I just wanted to say that I do feel my son fit a dx for ADHD, but not in a way that affects him severely outside of the school environment. Looking at my OP, it makes me look like a parent in denial, which i really am not. I was just shocked that he could be so different at school ... obviously he is under stress there - feel so sorry for him, it must be awful being him having to go everyday and not coping well and the thought he could be losing friends because of it is dreadful. He is very aware and often tells me he doesn't think before doing things, that he has a 'busy brain' and has low self esteem and confidence at school. He knows they are treating him differently (has a fiddle toy and gets 'time out' of assembly etc), which frankly he is milking The SENCO and a specialist teacher who observed him mentioned the meds. The ST said she thought he had ADHD and that they could be medicated for it. The SENCO also mentioned they had other children in the school on ADHD meds and they were very effective. I felt sick after both conversations .... I totally agree that the more help he can get, the better, but I am dreading everything ahead of us. Goblin is your ds on meds?

They have NO RIGHT to start harping on about medication.

Your son needs a PROPER assessment. You fill in the assessment form as appropriate for YOUR view of how he is, and then insist that he is seen by CAMHS and a paediatrician.

Even if he is diagnosed with ADHD, there is no obligation to medicate him. Ds1 is not medicated, and I expect the school to accept this unless I decide otherwise.

No, he has Asperger's. He was always much more stressed out in school and aggressive.
So a padded cell might have helped him more than a tablet.

Thank you Colditz. All sorts of senarios are going round my head at the mo. I'm petrified of them telling me they don't want him in their school if I don't medicate him - am I being ridiculous? DH is far more 'grounded' about it all then I am ... think I'm losing it a bit tbh. Can't think of anything else 24 hours a day. I have that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach from the moment wake until i fall asleep again .. am crying now - I hate it and am not coping

If they are managing him now, with no immediate option of madication, then they will manage him in the future, when there IS an immediate option of medication.

And, Ds1 also has Aspergers, which produces more stressed behavior at school than at home, and you cannot medicate for thet. They will also be unable to exclude him under the disability discrimination act - I'm wondering if they've thought this through.

My guess is their thought process is going like this .... "X behaves like this, Y USED to behave like this until Y started taking Ritalin, ergo X needs Ritalin."

It's really, REALLY not that simple.

My DS has Aspergers and when his school mentioned medication I was a bit annoyed, but eventually I went to the paed and he was put on risperidone. Actually it helped him a huge amount. He was on it for nearly two years and has gradually reduced the dose until this holiday when he has stopped altogether. So whilst I agree that the school should not be telling you to medicate a child, they just might be on the right track. You do need to talk it over with the paed properly though.

our school didnt mention medication altho much later on in the process i found they had experience of other kids having med and then they were happy to offer insights into how that worked (well)

but i think it might be often the case that schools are a bit wary of raising the whole special needs issue with parents, i guess they probably get a negative reaction sometimes. in our case, they looked very happy when i said we were going to access the paed ourselves to complement what they had suggested which was school based assessment.

it sounds like your school is the exception, since they are, by the sound of it, trying to push you into doing something about it.
formally, the schools really only can and should focus on strategies to help support the child at school (eg via the ed psych) and not med. maybe just a bit overzealous.

anyway, best to get it looked into yourself, coogar. and i really feel for you with that horrid stomach pit feeling, i kno it well! things should start to feel a bit better once you start getting it looked into, at least IME... good luck!