Would your child do this?

[JingleHell]

DS2 (just turned 7) has possible ASD - was assessed last year but no clear diagnosis so borderline Aspergers is the best explanation I can give! So, yesterday after school one of DS1's friends came running up to us as we were leaving and gave DS1 a little xmas present. DS2 (who has no friends ), went ballistic, literally screaming and jumpimg up and down, saying, "it's not fair!" etc and went on and on all the way home (vembarassing on the bus!), saying "mummy you've got to give ME a present when we get home etc.

Now, he is prone to terrible tantrums I know but I couldn't help feeling a bit annoyed that the friend's mum had let her son give my eldest a present in front of DS2. DH says DS2 has got to learn that life isn't fair etc and should have been able to take it like a man but I just wondered how other people's DC would react?

Dd1 (Aspergers, almost 7) would react similar to this, dd1 doesn't have many tantrums but when she does its usually caused by someone getting something that she wants. I think its a case of 'he has to learn' but this my take a bit longer than it would with most nt children.

Ds2 is older.. And had to learn this .. And it is something they do need to learn... And it's tantrums ahoy while they do.

:(

Would agree. It's not much fun though

Thanks everyone, it can be such hard work can't it! I feel sorry for DS1 when this happens as it spoils his enjoyment of things. DS2 doesn't "do" friends and is mostly happy like that, but always reacts badly when DS1 enjoys the perks of friendships like presents and playdates

DS1 who is also 7 would definitely respond like this... although in fairness so might DD (younger, but NT).

Ds1 wouldn't respond in this way to this incident. But he gets very angry and upset when he doesn't win something, because as far as he's concerned the aim of, say, a party game, is purely to win it. I am working on teaching him how he can't expect to win all the time and how to behave if he does lose, but it's something that will probably take a while.
Ds2 wouldn't notice or care aless, or at least would give the impression he didn't notice or care aless.

Yep, that's ds1 to a tee.

Example from just the other day, ds1 loathes chocolate with a vengeance, can't even stand the smell of it. I was making handmade truffles as part of my christmas hampers and asked ds2 (who adores chocolate) to taste them and tell me if they were ok. Cue major tantrum from ds1. "If he's getting a sweet so should I. Its not fair I should get something too etc etc etc".

I only managed to stop him going into full on meltdown by saying he could taste test the shortbread when I make it next week, but I shot myself in the foot with that and now I'll have to make a gluten free batch just for him to taste. Doh!

As you say, its very hard work. I found myself sat on the sofa surrounded by the stocking fillers I'd just wrapped this afternoon and fretting as to whether or not they seemed even/fair - not from my point of view, but from ds1's.

It's definitely something he will have to learn, life isn't always fair and he will have to learn to cope with that, but as Arsenic says, its a slow process and takes a lot longer with him than it does with my other two. Even my 23 month old dd 'gets it' more than he does at the moment. I do have to confess to bending over backwards to try and make things fair very often, just to avoid yet another tantrum. I know it doesn't help the long-term goal of helping him learn to deal with it, but very often I just can't face the fight and at the moment we are having to pick our battles, iykwim.