Christmas Cheer.. Not

[DJAngel]

Feeling very low today.. In one of those don't know what to do with myself, but keep crying kind of moods.. Hard to even articulate what it is. Almost feels physical, in the pit of my stomach..

Last week went to 3 nativity plays. ds1 (NT) was an alien and was great.. dd2 who's 4(SN) is at Sn school AND ms school so she had 2.. did lots of quiet blubbing during the performances and dd was amazingly able to sit still quietly for her little bit of the SN school play although spent most of the time gazing at the ceiling.. In the ms play her TA and I thought probably best I sit at the back so she wouldn't see me but then I hardly saw her at all and it made me very sad that we couldn't in any way share the experience.. She didn't even know I was there for either play actually in contrast to ds who at 7 yrs was bursting with pride and kept waving at me.

Also dd has been poorly with repeated chest infections since the start of term and just can't get better. Drs now thinking asthma but after lots of anti-biotics a course of predisolone (sp?) did not shake it at all. Now trying steroid inhaler but no change yet. Drs wondering if could do an x-ray. I'm worrying probably irrationally that the benign tumours in her brain are now growing in the lungs. That may well happen in the future but she would be very young for that to be happening now but still can't quite let it go..

Our nights are pure hell at the moment with dd either coughing all night often until she's sick or waking up having had a poo and then awake for hours. Especially if she's got to her nappy before I have.. Messy!

She and we are all exhausted.. I feel like I can't carry on like this. The house is in chaos and there's no xmas prep done.. feel totally overwhelmed really.. and feel so trapped. Can't run away.. even though feel like I want to..

There moan over.. sorry so long.. thanks if you got this far.. Gotta go and get ds from school now..:(

poor you

I guess you'd have already done this if it was possible - but is there anyone at all who could possibly take over while you get a rest - even if they could look after the kids during the day if they won't have someone elase dealing with them at night.

Sorry it's all getting you down. Exhaustion makes everything very very hard.

Do you think maybe you're also depressed? Do you think you should talk to your GP?

big hugs.

I completely understand about the nativity - I came home and cried after DS2's nativity programme (he's 4) - he spent the whole time sobbing and being taken out until he calmed then, then brought in, sobbed...

Your poor DD about the chest infection - coughing all night is so exhausting - they don't sleep well, you don't sleep well. And of course you're going to worry about whether or not her illness is developing further. It's only natural - we mums are by nature a paranoid lot.

I don't have any horribly clever advice, sorry. Just commiserations and hope things improve for you. Take time for yourself, even if it's just 10 minutes with a glass of wine and your feet up or a bath. A little time for you each day and feel free to moan here.

You poor thing. You have SO much on.

I used to feel desperate when my ds in school "shows" whatever the occasion. Sometimes, when it was all too much, he's be led away by his TA and he'd sit there in another world, wringing his little hands and flapping away.

Now, he only attempts what he can and what he wishes to co-operate with. He's bright as a button, does Ok at school but this time of year.....it's so hard. Has autism and OCD).

Remember, everything looks much much worse through the eyes of exhaustion. You need to be kind to yourself and do only what you can. No more than that.

Are social services involved from any respite viewpoint? We don't have that, never did but you may qualify. Aiming High for Disabled Children (direct payments) if you get the high rate DLA?

Shall be thinking of you.

Thanks so much for your kind words.. You're all right - I need a break. DD does always want me at nights but have got some time with a lovely friend on saturday lunchtime when dh has kids.

We use social services run sitting service and get 4 hours a fortnight. DD tolerates the woman who comes but if she's feeling under the weather won't settle with her. She's nice enough but isn't very cuddly which dd loves in a person! I have a hard time leaving her if I'm honest as she does really need to feel attached to someone who's looking after her. Also she can't tell me what happens when I'm not there and I have a tough time with this, although I know respite will need to come later on.

Didn't know that we might be eligible for direct payments wendihouse.. we do get the higher rate, although that's another thing - we got the renewal forms last week that need doing asap..

Am supposed to go out tonight for xmas meal at a friends house but can't face coming back home and then being up all night with dd.. although it I know would be really supportive. Don't fancy driving while I'm sleep deprived as well, especially if it's icy later.. Can't decide what to do..

Thanks for letting me rant on here.. and it helps so much to know you all understand..

Go out if you feel up to it.....stay home if you don't. Just go with the flow.

Be kind to yourself. Do what you can - friends will understand.