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Original poster

nativity question

13 replies

tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 14/12/2010 20:13

ds's pre school class had their christmas show today. now the only reason i know this is as i work in the school attached. i wasn't given a letter or invite. ds isn't allowed in for 3 hours yet as he needs 1:1 which is meant to start in jan. as i pick ds up early i noticed that they start their carpet sessions when he goes and it was during carpet sessions that they were practising the songs! i mentioned to the teacher yesterday that i was probably keeping him off and that he hadn't been there when the others were practising. she said he attended yesterdays rehearsal in the hall but that ''personally it would be best for him to miss it as he may get distressed.''
knowing ds he would be likely to be hyperactive rather than upset.
just know he wasn't wanted there and it hurts. its not really fair to expect him to attend after just one rehearsal when the other children who are NT (DS is ASD) have had loads of practise.
Crunch time was tonight when saw facebook pics another mum had posted and the children were all in outfits such as christmas trees that the pre school had provided Sad
thankfully ds is blissfully unaware and met up with a lovely mumsnetter for the first time at a support group.

sorry for long post. please could you share nativity experiences with me. i'm hurt and my parents and sister are livid.

OP posts:
StarlightWonderStarlightBright · 14/12/2010 20:16

That is disability discrimination.

Look, either your ds can manage in ms or he can't. If he can then he is a full member of his class and that includes participating in nativity plays etc.

Why hasn't he got a 1:1 right now if he needs it too?

Spinkle · 14/12/2010 20:27

Blardy hell.

They are def not giving out 'inclusion' signals are they? I'd be inclined to find out the name of your schools inclusion advisor and run it past them.

'distressed' my ar$e. Less hassle for them she means...Xmas Sad

We removed DS (6, ASD) from school xmas play and they were very relieved. I've also removed him from other 'fun' xmas activities to reduce his anxiety levels. It has messed up my working week no end, let me tell you, but I see it as knowing when to wave the white flag for him. He's too little to do it himself.

However, I am incredibly sad to have missed his play because that's another proud mummy moment I won't get.

I do think you need to speak to the preschool teacher about this, I think she needs to know it's unacceptable and unfair.

p.s your friend shouldn't really be putting pics of other people's kids on FB...

Original poster
tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 14/12/2010 20:52

Thanks glad to hear i'm not overeacting. I know he wasn't wanted there as they could easily have had a chat about it and sent home copies of the songs to practise.
He has been doing reduced hours since Sep. Not by my choice as it's made life really difficult especially on the days I work.
I said back in Nov if he wasn't in full hours by Jan an official complaint would be made with MP involved and it would be direct to LEA. Strangefully enough the next week inclusion funding was granted and a job advertised! There are interviews taking place on Thursday so I am hoping somebody decent gets the job as just want DS happy and treated equally.
Photos were posted by someone I worked with in retail 7 years ago. Not sure if they are set privately or nor but I am going to mention I saw photos (no names mentioned) and was wondering what role/costume ds would have had! Bet they wont expect that!
Thanks Starlight I thought it was and I bet they were all relieved that he didn't go? Sad

Spinkles it hurts doesn't it? Tomorrow is the infants nativity. I shall be at work so sat helping the children whilst it takes place. It will be the 7th one I have worked with and I have always longed for the day I got to see my own child in one. Sad

I really hope wherever he attends next year is more inclusive. I would love to have that 'proud mummy moment.'

DS is also missing Friday, they have a coffee/mince pie session for parents/carers to attend with them. I'm at work so said to my mum not to bother bringing him. Bet they're happy about that too, no opportunity for him to be in front of the other parents.

OP posts:
Spinkle · 14/12/2010 21:10

You will have proud mummy moments.

Keep the faith Xmas Grin

I too am doing the KS1 xmas play tomorrow. My class are made up of the cohort my DS went to nursery with (he's in our local village school now). Upsets me to watch them and think my DS couldn't cope this year...

I think you are going to have to grow horns. You know the system and make sure they know that!!! Fight the good fight. Make sure they know you are unhappy.

I am tempted to send my DS in for the last day - just so I can have a break before the holidays. It will be the last day so I'm not too concerned. And I've taken the pressure off the school for the past 3 weeks. They owe me Xmas Wink, by my reckoning.

purplepidjbauble · 14/12/2010 21:27

We did our work nativity on Sunday. About 8 or 9 residents chose to take part. Our narrator's sister came to watch and was in tears because no-one had ever given him that opportunity before - he's late-forties/early fifties.

Things are changing fo the better. Keep fighting, just like the suffragettes. They suffered, we benefit...

RaggedRobin · 14/12/2010 22:32

ds has his second nativity tomorrow. he had to be restrained throughout his first last year. Sad i'll see how it goes tomorrow, but may be waving the white flag next year if he doesn't cope well with this one.

zzzzz · 14/12/2010 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elliejjtiny · 15/12/2010 11:53

You will have proud mummy moments, they will just be different from some other peoples. My DS2 has severe physical disabilities but when he achieves something new then I'm as proud as punch and it doesn't seem to matter that other children his age were doing that 18 months ago (he is 2.7)

Leaving him out is so wrong in every way. At this age there will likely be NT children who get hyperactive or who burst into tears in the middle. I bet they won't be excluded.

RaggedRobin · 15/12/2010 20:58

ours went well Xmas Grin

what a change from last year - and you are so right about the echolalia zzzz .... it's finally becoming useful!

Original poster
tiredmummyneedswineandsleep · 15/12/2010 21:33

Thanks, i have since found out the other children were given a newsletter with the information on 3rd December, we didn't get a copy though.
Staff absence was blamed on myself not being consulted. I also said it would've been useful to have copies of the songs so I could have sung them with him at home in preparation. Was told they were in DS's rhyme book. They only appeared in there today. How I am meant to prepare DS for songs after a show has taken place is beyond me. I check DS's book bag everyday without fail and read his book, sign his reading record and check for new rhymes in his rhyme book.
I finished the conversation by saying thankfully he is unaware he missed out and that I am sure next year when he is in school he will be included in the nativity of the school he attends and that I shall look forward to it!

Gits.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 16/12/2010 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triggles · 16/12/2010 12:21

I am Angry for you and your DS that you had to deal with this. It's really horrible that people think it's okay to exclude him like this.

DS2 didn't do so well with his nativity. He cried through most of it the first day and had to keep going out and coming back with his 1:1, eventually sitting on her lap and watching part of it, still crying quietly. The second day he still was in and out, but at least not crying. So we feel it was progress. We're pretty sure it was the presence of the huge audience and the costumes that were difficult for him, as he did fairly well during the practices prior to dress rehearsal (which had an audience).

But you know, when I asked his teacher how he did on the second day (DH went, but couldn't see him well, as he was staying out of view of DS2 so as not to upset him), she said well, he did have to go in the other room a few times, but at least he tried, and that's great. She said it was important to give him the opportunity to try, otherwise how will we know what he can and can't do? And how will he make progress and learn new things if he's not given opportunities like this? And I completely agree with her.

I hope that they get the 1:1 sorted for your DS, and if they don't, it's probably time to make a huge fuss, both in writing and in person.

blueShark · 16/12/2010 12:32

exclusion is not fair! DS is in a special unit attached to MS with children with diff learning needs and his teacher fought hard with the headteacher to have her kids included in the play.

DS and all the other kids (except one) sat beautifully for the whole 35-40 mins; they may have not sang but with few prompts from the teacher and the TAs stood up and sat down when all the other kids did too.

I was well pleased to see him in a play for the first time ever, made my week, if not month :)

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