What do you do when one child's behaviour problems influence anoth child's behaviour?

[PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo]

8yo dd does not have SN, but she is on long-term medication which we think may be seriously affecting her behaviour. It sorts out the physical problem for which it has been prescribed so we are reluctant to stop it while she still needs the medication.

4yo ds2 is heavily influenced by dd's explosions, tantrums and mood swings, and he imitates them.

None of this is helped by the fact that I'm fighting my way up from depression.

So, what would you do in this situation?

GP and consultant don't accept that the behaviour is connected to the medication. I think it's not extreme enough for them!

Does that mean that you let the explosive child get away with behaviour that you won't accept from the other children?

(NB straightforward question - I couldn't think of a way to phrase it that didn't sound judgemental)

I'm sure her behaviour is in part related to external factors (which we are addressing), but one reason that we are convinced that it is, fundamentally, caused by the medi ation is that it began with the medication and has worsened every time her dose has been adjusted.

well as I only have one child, take what I say with the requisite pinch of yeah right SALT. but yes actually, I would go harder on the 4 year old than the 8 year old. But at same time really big up the 4 year old when he is being good, plenty of positive attention as well.

When dd is overwhelmed with rage she screams in a particular way, throws things and hits. Obviously she has to be prevented from hurting anyone or causing damage, but other than that we try not to interfere and just let her work it off.

But when Ds imitates her, it is usually quite clear that he is not overwhelmed. Angry, quite possibly, but not completely lost in his emotions.

He sometimes asks us why we punish him for throwing etc, but not his sister.

Often dd's tantrums are triggered by us applying some form of discipline. In other words, she misbehaves in some way, gets a warning or is told off, then kaboom! Usually on the way to her time-out space.

I appreciate that we need to see it as the medication, not innate misbehaviour. Though I hadn't really thought about it that way until I read your post, thankyou Zzzzz. We just don't know how to deal with it all.

Dd is just coming down from a tantrum during which she flung all the wellies and outdoor shoes across the kitchen, which is now awash with footwear and mud. She is refusing point-blank to tidy them up.

So, what do we do about this?

Should we just comfort her and get back on with bedtime? Tidy up, ourselves, later?

Or should we trigger a renewed tantrum by staying with her and insisting she tidies up, as I can hear dh doing? (Bless him, he's doing his best to be calm, mess upsets him a lot.)

Or should we leave her strictly alone until she gets control of herself, as she will eventually do, and then may or may not tidy up the mess?