eep- scared now!

[thisisyesterday]

Hiya, I posted a while back about my ds, here and here

Got a letter this morning with our appointment to see the paediatrician on the 13th January

I am so scared now! I'm worried that they'll laugh at me and say he is fine, that i'm wasting their time. I'm worried that I really AM just over-reacting and he is just a normal almost 6 year old...

I'm worried about telling them all my concerns with him in the room... does it normally happen like that? It can't be good for them to hear all this negative stuff about them from their own parents can it???

ARGH! someone tell me it'll be ok, and possibly, what I can expect from the appt???

Oh I remember that first appointment. For the next month you'll be thinking of little else. I wish there was a way to magically make you feel better, other than the trite (but true) statement that you're doing your best for him, and looking for help is part of that.

It's hard to know how much you can say in front of him as it's so dependent on the child. I often use quite descriptive, adult or professional language... 'he still prefers to parallel play' rather than, 'he can't interact' which I think gets past DS. In hindsight, I wished I'd written more down to hand to the paed.

At one follow-up appointment, the registrar offered to take ds to the room next door to be examined, weighed and measured. By that stage he knew them quite well so it gave me a chance to speak extra frankly. That probably won't happen but is there someone who can come with you to take ds out for a bit? Ideally someone who can also back you up with describing the issues if need be.

They are not going to laugh at you.

If they do think you're over reacting they'll phrase it much much better than that

'I'm worried that they'll laugh at me and say he is fine'

Oh thisis you can't win either way with this one so just prepare the best you can.

Can you keep a record/diary of some of the things that concern you, both your observations and any things that come to you. This will help make sure you have given all the relevant information etc.

You might want to write down one or two of the more unsavoury things for the paed to read too, if you feel unable to say them out loud on the day.

If you can, try to gather history information before you go. i.e. the age he started to crawl, walk, babble etc etc, how long you bf for (although never figured out the relevance of this one myself) as not knowing this on the day (is perfectly normal) might make you feel uneasy. You'll want to be able to state the first time you had concerns and what they were etc, too.

hth

Can you take someone with you who can sit with your Ds out of the room while you talk about the worst stuff.

I try never to talk in front of Dd3 becasue she gets angry and makes me feel terrible.
I have found that most health professionals are happy for us to do this.

The last place we went had a playroom outside the consulting room and a glass wall so Dd3 sat out there for a bit with her Ds [We were the only people there]

I have started keeping a diary and gave a copy to the last paed we saw and she has passed it on to CAMHS. I would recommend doing something similar.

Whatever happens no one is going to laugh at you.

Good luck .

Oh this is a totally normal way to feel.

You will mess with your own head before that date.. It's par for the course.. :(

they will not laugh at you.. Or dismiss you or anything else.

you'll go through pregnancy and baby milestones.. General what was he like as a baby/ toddler and probably a family history. Theywill ask a load of questions.

My ds talked and answered a while stack of the questions and we all actually had a nice time believe it or not.

Ds had a small phsyical check.. Looked ears.. Mouth .. Reflexes.. And coordination... That type of thing.

I got toask some questions.. And then was told who we were going to be seeing next.. Referals were made and she said shed writeto school.. I gave her copies of other reports we had etc..

And that was it.. Took about an hour and a half.. Then at the end we were told what we were looking at in terms of dx.. And said so well see what the other reports say when they come in.

thank you all, sorry i've only just got back to this

I will be taking DP with me, but I might also see if a friend can come along too and wait outside and then take him if need be, unless DP doesn't mind doing that himself

"If they do think you're over reacting they'll phrase it much much better than that "

that made me smile! thank you!

I keep telling myself that actually, being told that I am just shit at parenting and there is nothing wrong with him is the best outcome really because it means we can change things! So I suppose I shouldn't be worried, I sitll will be tho

I will def start keeping a diary, that's a good idea. The doctor asked me how often he has a big meltdown and I had to guess, partly being put on the spot and partly just not ever really having counted.
and thank you for heads-up re: milestones and stuff, I will go through his baby book beforehand and write down everyhitng they might ask

I've already got a (long) list of the concerns we have . Some of them are really minor, but I think in context with and alongside some of the other stuff they are relevant but am a bit worried I'll come across as neurotic picking up on these really small issues

thisis...Being told you are a shit parent is definatly not the best out come!! I think I know what you are saying but beware of taking the blame for your child's behaviour.

When Dd1 was 9 she had been assessed for possible ADHD over a period of time but eventually someone important decided that it was my parenting style which was causing her challenging behaviour .

They discharged her and left me feling rubbish and not coping well with her.

I went on to have 2 more children Dd2 is NT and Dd3 is being assessed for an ASD, I parented Dd2 in a very similar way to Dd1 but had very few of the challenges

Long story I know but what I am trying to say is that we feel it is very likely that Dd1 has an ASD and because I gave up the fight it has never been recognised.

You know your child if you think there is an issue then you could be right.

Good luck .

yes, I guess what I mean is, the best outcome is that i AM a shit parent and that there is nothing wrong with him and that it's all stuff that can be fixed with us changing how we handle him

it's just that I have seen a few threads on here lately describing behaviours in children of his age with everyone saying "oh yes, that's jus tnormal" and then I worry that i'm over-reacting

I know, rationally, that in our case he does those things and a whole lot more besides.

I think i'm worried of both outcomes to be honest. being told it's my fault, or being told there is something wrong with him :(

Hi... just thought I'd update on this

Our appointment was today and it went well.

DS1 was able to play with the toys outside of the room while we discussed the concerns we have, although unfortunately he wanted DP to go out with him for quite a while which meant he missed out on a big part of the conversation

but yeah, i am pleased with how it went. The paediatrician agreed that based on what we, and the school, have said that he is showing lots of symptoms of Asperger's and that would be a "likely" diagnosis. Obviously a lot more will happen before he actually gets a diagnosis, but we should expect an other appointment to see a higher-up paediatrician who will also see what she thinks

The paed will do a write-up of today's meeting and forward a copy to the school, which means they can take that and use it to get ds1 any extra help he needs there.

I also have a meeting with his teacher next Weds to discuss how today went as they have a PARM meeting the following wednesday that she wants to bring ds1's case up at.

so... i think it's all fairly positive, and I don't feel like a neurotic parent any more!