I've been asked to support another mum with a DD with DD's problem & I just burst into tears

[KatyMac]

I'm shaking
So upset
I'm obviously not dealing with it even now - so I guess I need some help

But so does that poor lady; I'm not sure my attitude/approach would help her

I wouldnt stress yourself too much sweetie. You can only do your best and tbh you dont need to help her, just knowing someone else has been there and understands is enough

You are clearly not in the right place to give her the support she needs. You've been through enough and need some time to recover.

Why don't you point her in the direction of mumsnet instead?

I am convinced I approached it badly but I don't know how else I would do it

I didn't realise I was still so upset

Could you try just 'talking' via email to start with. It is often easier not being face to face, but still getting to know someone elses problems if your experience has been similar? The reason I would consider carefully going ahead with communicating with this other mum is that, even though your emotions are still so raw, it may help you as well to get the feelings out into the open with someone who really will understand where you are coming from?

This approach may help both of you, not just the other mum. Maybe when you are more comfortable, then a face to face meeting over coffee and cake?

I would sit and consider the pros and cons carefully you may youself benefit from the contact, as you say it is still affecting you deeply and talking may help you too.

But, if you feel it is just not right for you now, don't feel responsible for not supporting her, you and your DD are your priorities, and I am sure they will understand if you back out.

Who asked you to support when you are not ready?
You need to pass her on to other agencies and people rather than feeling bad that you aren't able to.

oops

not finished.

that you aren't able to offer her personal support.

katy - sometimes you can just write a 'my/ our story' in your own words, describing your/ dd's experiences. this can then be held and passed on to others in the same situation. maybe thgis would be a more appropriate way for you to feel that you are helping, without having to deal with other emotions in real time.

it might also be a help to you to sit and write it out in your own words in one 'story'. a sort of catharsis?

it won't make everything better - but maybe it would help you figure out where you are yourself?

Maybe

Writing it down appeals to me

The person who asked is from the charity that helped DD so much & to be fair they couldn't know I was still so affected

maybe suggest to the charity they hold a 'my/ our story' list, as well as offering contact-a-family type scenario?

I'm not ready yet I don't think

For me writing things down is very much a "I'm over it" thing - often letters to people that get ripped up not sent as it isn't important.

But DD has asked to talk to the little girl - I'm not even sure I know how I feel about that

You obviously give the impression that you are coping better than you are, or they probably wouldn't have asked you. There is nothing to be ashamed of in telling the charity that you aren't ready.
My DD was diagnosed with MS eight years ago and sometimes even now I cry if I talk about it. There are times when I think I have come to terms with it and times when I am shocked at how upset I am.
Give yourself lots of time and don't feel guilty about not helping the other parent. She does need support but, at the moment, you aren't the person to give it.

You are not ready to help this lady, at least, not yet.

You sound like you could benefit from some support yourself.

I do hope you get the help YOU need.

Be kind to yourself.

Once I am over this weekend I will re-evaluate

Thanks