DS 3.3 going to be 'observed' in pre-school, what should I ask?

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My DS 3.3 attends a pre-school 2 mornings a week which he loves. He goes to private nursery 3 full days when I'm at work. He has some speech delays and we kep thinking he would make progress over the summer when he turned 3 and he has made some slight progress and has a bank of phrases he uses, but cannot explain himself or talk in sentences, but he understands instructions and is a very happy little soul. I have spoken to pre-school teacher about speech and have requested a SALT assessment, which we have next week.
Today, the teacher spoke to me after his session, she is concerned he is in his 'own little world', does not really interact with others and cannot sit still and she is concerned this will impact on his learning (although he can count to over 100 and knows all letter sounds and can recognise some words).

She has asked that I meet with SENCO this week and she will explain about someone coming in to observe him to see what strategies they can put in place to help him.

What questions should I be asking the SENCO? And also the observer (poss Ed Psych?). Not sure if they suspect ASD or dyspraxia. He has some of the symptoms of both but not all, and not the main traits. he does interact with his brother and also friends children and my nephew, but is also happy to play by himself. not sure what to expect, can anyone advise me what should I ask SENCO?
Thanks for reading through this epic post!

Hello,

My experience is slightly different - as my son was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was 6 months old.

I was about to go back to work and chose not to as I wanted to give him the best chance possible. I'm not saying this is what you should do and now is probably not the best time to make the decision, but I'm glad that I did. It has helped him, I know it has.

The first year was the most difficult for me. My son has mild CP and loads of people said that he seemed fine to them. Maybe it was to make me feel better - maybe they really could not see his difficulties, but it wasn't what I needed to hear. Although I don't really know what I needed to hear. There was no right thing for people to say.

I found it particularly difficult after appointments and meeting with 'professionals' as I would come home and see my son as a CP child - as opposed to my lovely individual son. This strikes me most when reading your posts. In the first ones where you're not so sure, you sound very different to the later ones.

It will get easier (and it may not be as difficult as you are imagining things to be - it wasn't for us).

Lots of good wishes and try to let go of all the worrying over Christmas xx

Thanks, DS2 should be starting mainstream school in Sept 2011, but the way he is at the moment he would not cope with school at all. He does go to nursery and he likes it, but they struggle with him which is why early years service is getting involved. I could take voluntary redundancy at work for the next few months, or be chosen for compulsory red, so I guess this is why it is on my mind. I enjoy my job, and work PT, but it is a stressful job, and I don't know what we will do with DS2, I have even thought about holding him back from starting school for a yr, as he has developmental delay and in some areas of early years framework is scoring at 18+mnths. Yes this whole process is really messing with my head, I keep dreaming about autism assessments and dx! I'm hoping that DH will feel better about everything once we know a bit more. He feels he cannot get through to DS2, and said this week that he can't cope with him. Breaks my heart .

Just wanted to send you good thoughts, do feel some resonance with your experiences, this time last year, was going through diagnosis process, it's been a doozy of a year... but things are in a very different place now... all the things the others have said about being kind to self are so true, my dh had very similar feelings to yours, (dh is physically disabled and really struggles with ds who is very active, but has ASD and LD). but he, and we, have worked out ways of living and being that work for us, it's a process, but it does get better and when you have info/dx doors do open, (altho many will need some 'pushing' ).
Really hope next year is better for you all.

I wouldn't be in a rush to give up your job, as having a pre-schooler with Sn can feel v lonely, as the whole toddler group circuit can be miserable if you feel other kids are doing better than your own - being amongst adults who aren't just talking about their own kid's achievements at lot of the time can be a sanity saver.

in terms of school starting age - if you are in Scotland it tends to be straightforward to defer, whereas in England it can be somewhat less straightforward, LEAs tend to be strict.