Worried about ds - really struggling socially at school

[kettlechip]

Haven't posted here in a while - ds1 is 5.3 and had suspected HFA but didn't get the dx, they said it was a lang disorder. No further explanation and we've since dropped off the paed's radar (am chasing this up)

He's August born, and now in a mixed year class (yr 1 and 2 - 16 children in all, only 2 others in his year group, both Sep born girls!)

Academically, he's fine - actually ahead of where he should be in literacy and numeracy, but his language, conversation and social skills are so behind, it's heartbreaking to see. He's also finding school exhausting and comes home like a little ghost. He's the youngest boy in the class by well over a year, and since the other boy of his age left, he doesn't really have any friends.

School suggested today that we get some support in from the ed psych as he's also struggling to follow the constrained approach needed in yr 1. I'm feeling really worried, and don't know how else to help him. Has anyone got any suggestions please?

Sorry, Kettlechip, no real suggestions from me except interweb support for you poor DS.

Could you maybe foster friendships with the other boys in his class? Maybe meet them and their mum/dad in the park one weekend, or arrange to be at the swimming pool together? If they see him outside of school they may be more inclined to include him at play time iyswim. It sounds like he might be too tired for afterschool playdates.

In school, would he be able/willing to be a "monitor" for the reception class sometimes? That way he could play with kids nearer his own age, but in a responsible role thats in keeping with his Y1 status and keeps him under closer supervision from staff. I used to do this with a Y3 boy I was 1:1 for, and he loved it.

Dunno if any of this is any use

Thanks purple. I am friends with some of the mums in his class, maybe I should try and organise something. I've always found it quite upsetting to see the difference between ds and their ds', and I'm not sure that their dc's would want to, but if it helps ds, it's all for the good. You are right about afternoons, he is just shattered.

I know he would fare far better in reception where there are lots of lovely boys who are a few weeks younger than him. It's sickening really. WIll ask about the monitor idea, possibly he could join reception for some activities. His little brother is in the mixed nursery and reception class so they'd like that.

Kettlechip

Do chase up the paediatrician.

You need to think longer term now as well and think of Junior school. The approach there is far different to that of Infants and he may well struggle socially there particularly if support is not put in place for him beforehand.

It is unlikely that they will agree to move him down a year.

Is he on anything like School action plus currently?.

They may want to get the EP in as this person's words matter when it comes to the statementing process. EP can only make recommendations re educational needs however.

Statements are not only for academic needs, they can cover social and communication difficulties as well. I would seriously consider applying for a Statement to get your son's additional support needs in school properly documented. IPSEA's website is helpful www.ipsea.org.uk

If your DS displays "odd" behaviours (like stims), or doesn't actively join in, they might be shy of him. Also, they've been together for 3 years and he's only just joined them. I doubt they don't like him but will need time to get to know him. An activity based afternoon, like swimming or soft play, which is heavily supervised by adults might provide that opportunity to break down some barriers?

It is all good for the other DS's because it teaches them to be tolerant of differences. If your DS was black and they were all white, would you feel the same?

Harsh, sorry, but YKWIM I hope

My ds has language and social skill probs, (he's just started reception and only been out of nappies for 6 months) his class is mixed but with nursery and reception, and he attends a school with a specialist provision (I Can) so there are around 12 other children with the same probs, so they can all relate to each other :)

Attila, yes, he is on School Action Plus. We seemed to be getting lots of support, ds was making great progress and then all the key people seemed to retire or move to other jobs and we've lost momentum a bit. Now he's slipped a bit, I'm not sure who to contact!

I have got an appointment with a schools support worker next week, who helps parents with whatever issues they have. Hopefully she will be able to advise me on how to get going with a statement.

His teacher is great, so will also book a meeting with her next week to work out how we're going to deal with this.

Cola - you are so lucky. I don't think such a thing exists round here.

Kettle, ask the school about completing a CAF form. It should lead to a team around the child (TAC) meeting being held that includes everyone who is needed to help support your son both in and out of school. I know if you read on here there are mixed reports about how useful these are, but my personal experience so far of these has been very positive for DD#1 (6yrs, in yr1) with similar issues to those described for your son above. We have managed to get other professionals involved after only 2 meetings and I feel like we are so much further forwards to understanding what we are dealing with (still no firm diagnosis yet) and that people are actually now going to monitor her and help us (yes really!) by virtue of the fact they are having meetings with us, so action plans are made and follow up on progress from this has to be detailed back to us.

If you do go down the CAF route there is nothing to stop you applying for a statement if this is ultimately what you feel is needed or you want to do. So far I have seen no negatives in our situation at least.

Thanks beautiful, we did acutally used to have TAC meetings but they stopped once ds was transferred out of the Early Years team. You're right, they were really helpful. I think I need to put a rocket under them all and get things moving again.

Will give the paed's office a ring on Monday as am losing sleep about all this at the moment