Well, I am in shock - it went really well!
First of all it ran over by over an hour! 
I think we covered everything and got some really good outcomes.
The teachers seemed very defensive when we first arrived - as were we - but I think after a while we all started to realise we were all saying the same things and agreeing with each other and it ended up feeling like we were on the same side.
Feels like we made some really good progress actually.
I have to hand it to the Headmaster, he came up with the goods and even offered extra equipment funded by the school off his own back. Stuff that I wouldn't have dared ask for in a million years.
He's been allocated an Alphasmart for typing his classwork and they've agreed to buy a couple of other bits that would make his life easier - and I didn't even have to ask, it was the Head's suggestion. 
They are going to do a sort of 'circle of friends' thing in conjuction with our lovely EPs.
The permanent lunch time supervisors who are there daily are going to be introduced to him and he will be told that he can go to them with any problems, concerns or worries. They have apparently all had some SEN awareness training.
They have agreed he can use the pc at home to do his homework.
We are working together with them and the EPs to develop his daily diary to incorporate strategies to help with his school related anxiety.
They are very keen for him to attend the residential school trip and had already discussed how they could make sure he doesn't become anxious about it (eg making sure he shares a room and activity group with his one and only friend).
They have finally formally referred him the CLD Inclusion Team and they are coming in to observe him next week.
All the targets set were measurable and achievable.
Couldn't have gone better really. I am still in shock!
Such a relief. I think we had a very rocky/bumpy start with the school failing to recognise ds's problems and then not doing enough to help once they were identified. So, they really did need me to do the all the legwork and pushing to get ds's problems noticed, but now he's in the system, they seem to genuinely want to help and are going to try really hard to accommodate his needs and support him.
I feel like I can finally 'come down' for the first time in weeks - or possibly months!
I really hope you get the same when your ds's sm is finalised.