ASD and stress/exhaustion

[siblingrivalry]

DD1 (9) has AS.
Every single term, when we are just over the half way mark, I start to see the early signs of extreme tiredness. This term is always much worse, with the Christmas build up and change in routine.

She is pale, irritable and really easily overwhelmed (more so than usual). The vicious circle starts, as the more tired and stressed she gets, the less able she is to relax and so gets more and more tired.....

I do stuff like monitoring her diet, making sure she gets early nights and literally forcing her (not physically!!) to sit down and relax/read etc. As she gets more tired and overwhelmed, she stims more, which also wears her out.

I am limiting her activities and setting aside time to just 'chill' (not that she does, of course) but I don't know what else to do.

Do other people's dc go through this, too? Especially in November/December?

Her teacher said she looked really pale and tired yesterday and I wanted to let off steam and tell her just what all of these 'fun' activities and events they have planned actually do to dd. Her teacher is lovely, too, but I just felt so frustrated.

I am considering giving her a day or two off school soon, because I am afraid she is going to end up ill. It's hard, though, because her school has real issues with poor attendance (not with dd) and missing school is really frowned upon.

Sorry for the long post - I just don't know if I'm being too protective or if I should follow my instincts?

TIA.

Follow your instincts.

Yes, yes and yes to all the things you said. My DS suffers towards the end of every term too. Xmas is particularly bad, I find.

I've already taken him out for the odd afternoon and we watch TV, bake cakes and chill out.

I don't think his school minds - tough if they do - he needs other stuff that other kids don't.

Hiya

I think you should definitely follow your instincts. DS is very similar and has suddenly hit a brick wall this term. He has dark shadows under his eyes, his eczema has flared up and he is floppy and lolls around more than usual. He has hypotonia/hypermobility too.

School have been crap at offering support but is behaviour does deteriorate when he gets tired like this and I have told them that I will keep him off when I think it is necessary as it is actrually mentally and physically cruel to keep on the pressure relentlessly.

Can you talk to your head about it? The head agreed and she is always a stickler for attendance. The EWO will get involved inevitably but then that covers school's back too and I am more than happy that I have the experts onside.

You know when they're tired and stress and if your DD is anything like my DS, you will know no good will come of forcing them to get on and do stuff.

Ds used to get just like you describe... However... Since being in secondary school it seems much better... No winding up the bobbing nice non structured time! Just same old lessons until they break up.

DS's headteacher said that end of term exhaustion is very noticeable amongst the ASD children in the school, and that if I felt he needed a day or two to pre-empt trouble, I was to phone the office and say
'DS is having a timeout day, please inform Mrs X' and it goes down as an approved absence.
She is a very wise woman, head of a MS secondary with 1500 pupils.
If one school can do it, all can do it. And understand the reasoning behind it.

Goblin does the EWO get involved even if the absence is approved by school?

Thanks everyone, my mind is well and truly at rest now -I am so grateful for this board
Of course, I am sorry that other people's dcs also suffer from the same thing.

Lordbingham, you reminded me that dd's psoriasis has flared up, too. Always does, when she's stressed.

Goblinchild, your ds's head sounds amazing!
DD's head is a really lovely woman and very approachable, but she is getting so much pressure from OFSTED about attendance that I am a bit scared to approach her.
Last term, I just kept dd at home and said she was suffering from a headache and tummy pains -which was true.
However, I would much prefer to be upfront about it and be able to tell her that dd needed a break.

Spinkle, the last line of your post really resonated with me. DD2 (NT) is also tired, but with her it is much more manageable and less 'traumatic' for her. A few early nights and lazy weekends and she will be back to full strength. With dd1, we have to completely put the brakes on.

Arsenic, I can see how your ds would be happier without all of the excitement of the various plays etc. DD desperately wants to be involved in the pre-xmas run up, but has admitted herself that it all feels too much at the moment.

I am definitely going to factor in some time at home this week
Thanks, all x

If the EWO is involved, I don't know because I've never been contacted by her. The school must be mediating for us, and have presented the case appropriately.
DS has excellent attendance, completes homework, has a good attitude in class if his needs are met and we have a good relationship with the school.
This has been the case for the last 5 years.
If pushed beyond his limits, DS is aggressive and violent.

The EWO is not involved but I raised with our less than lovely head, the idea that DS would need the occasional day off through tiredness etc (he has hypermobility too) and she said yes to this, although she said the EWO would need to get involved.

Of course, he is mainly stressed because of the absolute lack of support in school, and as wit your DS Goblin, he becomes aggressive if stressed. He is only 7.

Perhaps I should pre-empt the head and ring the EWO myself to clarify the position.

Our community paediatrician was disgusted as she thinks the head is just ignoring her obligation to provide assistance.

Yup, I'd saddle up and ride out if I were you, over the head.
When you contact the EWO, tell her you have the support of the paediatrician, or better still ask the paed, if she will write a letter of support.
Then get stuck into ensuring the school provide specific, appropriate support for your DS.

We have exactly the same with ds1. He gets a distinctive facial colouring (weird green stripe about three inches wide down the middle of his face - never seen anything like it on another human being ) followed by migraines and bad reflux symptoms. If we don't put the brakes on then he starts to get repeated strep throat infections and eventually the strep builds up to systemic level and he gets really ill. He has developed scarlett fever ever year since year 1 (he's in year 4 now) and has had it come back up to three times some years, despite heavy antibiotics.

He has had several migraines in the last couple of weeks and is now complaining of a sore throat, so it looks like its a case of 'here we go again'.

Last year I ended up keeping him off for a whole week, the week before the Autumn half-term and he simply couldn't carry on as he was. He also had a cold and an upset stomach. I cited the stomach upset and cold as the reason he was off in my letter to the school, (technically he couldn't go in anyway due to their own 48 hour rule) but also told them that I felt the illnesses had come about as a result of stress and exhaustion.

The school told me that I did the right thing and should do so again if I ever feel he needs it.

Both my boys have had only 86% attendance for the past two years due to various health problems and the school being plagued with winter vomiting viruses that hang around for months.

I make sure I write a formal letter after every absence and include the dates, reason/s for absence and any medical treatment or details of GP appointments.

We haven't had any involvement from the EWO so far, but its constantly at the back of my mind, especially as the school isn't very happy about us pushing for support at the moment.

Moosemama, sorry your ds has such a rotten time with illness

To be totally honest, I'm not really worried about EWO involvement -we Home Educated dd for nearly a year before she started at her current school (the one before was horrendous)- so I wouldn't be fazed about doing this again if they were difficult

However,as I am a school governor at dd's school and I feel like I am in a delicate situation. DD always comes first, of course, no question.

Might be :
Key Symptoms of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)

?Depression
?Sleep Problems
?Lethargy
?Over Eating
?Loss of Concentration
?Social Problems
?Anxiety
?Loss of Libido
?Mood Changes

She is depressed and anxious, justsmile, but unfortunately it isn't just seasonal. Thank you for the post, though.
She gets like this when her routine changes and/or she is overwhelmed.

She has been terrible over the weekend and was refusing to go to school this morning.
I am going to ring the school later and make sure they are aware that dd is struggling and see what they can do to help.

It's so difficult, because she wants to be part of all of the activities this term but it's just too much for her. Her first words when she opened her eyes this morning were: "I can't remember where I out my homework!"

I haven't got a clue how to help her, apart from what I'm doing already.
I feel utterly inadequate and that I'm failing her

Sibling.. Got a couple of suggestions, things we tried to varying success... You may have already tried them, they may not work!

Can school give you a daily timetable of what they are going to do, so dd can know what to expect before.
And have a timetable at home and in school ( the teachers should know when they plan to do crafty things or rehursals etc).
And you could pop on things your doing at home as well.
( star excuse the visual timetable thing lol).

Ds has a homework timetable ( but he's at secondary).. And he also has a homework in and out tray.. Always in the same place .. Brings it home, puts it in in tray in order to be done .. And when completed it goes in the out tray.

Actually we have in and out boxes for clothes and uniforms too ( don't ask! :) ).

I'm just wondering if a bit of systemizing and visual structure might help a bit.