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What do you do about friends/socialising for your child?

5 replies

Eulalia · 19/09/2005 14:23

Just wondering how you fit this into your child's life, obviously more related to autism but really any child with special needs??

ds is 6 now and I am finding that he wants friends and to visit other people just like any normal child his age. However he has the social skills of an 18 month old. I have organised for him to visit a friend and play with their son who is 12 once a week and also for same friend to take dd while I take ds out once a week to go swimming perhaps. I will have to pay her childminding costs which is Ok but I can't really manage much more timewise and with the new baby as well.

I don't know whether I should be plugging away more at ds to try and teach him social skills or whether I should keep him away from other children. He went to a school-friends house yesterday (not planned - we met him in the park) and it was a disaster as half the village kids turned up, ds spent the whole time (which wasn't long!) dictating what people should be doing, crying because he couldn't get a certain toy and finally when I was busy putting dd into the car throwing a metal object at a child.

If people come here he tends to get over-excited and besides with us renovating the place isn't really suitable for entertaining people.

If we go out to the park same problem he starts dictating to people or annoying them because he wants to engage with them. It's heartbreaking for me as he wants so much but has no idea how to relate to these people. Trouble is he just walks straight up to kids and his language skills are so much more improved now so he is understandable although he'll sometimes say odd things like "I saw you last year" (when it was only yesterday - doesn't seem to understand time properly) and children tend to laugh at him. Fortunatley he doesn't notice this at the moment but surely its only a matter of time....

Anyway curious to know how the rest of you cope with this issue. Thanks.

OP posts:
coppertop · 19/09/2005 14:34

My ds1 says "last year" for anything that happened more than a week ago. It's nice to know he's not the only one.

So far ds1 hasn't really asked to go to anyone else's house so that aspect of things isn't really an issue for us yet. I find that he is better when there is a structured activity going on as it seems to take the pressure off a bit. In the summer he enjoyed the playscheme and also did a 2-week swimming course. He's very interested in martial arts so I might start looking around for somewhere suitable for him to try out some classes.

I must admit that I feel guilty for not doing more to encourage individual friendships but realistically I think that atm it would probably cause more problems than it would solve.

jayzmummy · 19/09/2005 14:59

Eulalia.
The first time Ds2 invited a friend over I timed it with DS1 going elsewhere so I could make sure DS2 and his friend had my undivided attention.
I collected them from school and headed straight for the local swimming pool, an hour or so swimming together was fun, then we journed home for our tea. I planned every minute of the afternoon and made sure both children knew what the plans were.I used our visual time table and let the guys remove the pictures after each activity had been completed.
Structure helped make the afternoon a sucess and Ds2 has had the same friend over to play a few times now.

jenk1 · 19/09/2005 15:56

i have the trouble with my ds, he goes up to kids and dictates things or trys to control them.

We are quite fortunate cos we live in a street with a lot of kids and they are used to ds, we have to keep an eye on him though as he is prone to be a target for bullying.

Jayzmummy where did u get your visual timetable from cos i started a thread about one but havent got any replies yet
thanks

QueenOfQuotes · 19/09/2005 15:59

"My ds1 says "last year" for anything that happened more than a week ago. It's nice to know he's not the only one"

If it's any consolation DS1 (5) and NT still says that too

Eulalia · 20/09/2005 19:52

Thanks - am giong to contact social services for some support mainly for weekends. Today we went swimming (childminder looked after dd) and it was almost perfect. He played really well with another boy and I didn't have to use the 'A' word once. Its funny sometimes he is so OK and other times almost uncontrollable. Anyway after the swim a lifeguard told me I shouldn't have been let in as I had ds2 with me and I kept nipping out of the water to feed him.... so going to have to rethink the swimming.

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