Aggravation over school incident today... WWYD?

[Triggles]

DS2 is 4yo and in reception. Yesterday his teacher's mobile went missing. It apparently was in her handbag, in the walk-in cupboard that is in the classroom. According to teacher:

• mobile was found in inside play area of classroom today
• her handbag was on its side when she found that her mobile was missing, and she is not sure if she set it down that way or it fell over and mobile fell out or if someone opened it
• the teacher and TA often leave the door to the cupboard open when the children are in the classroom (even though she admits they probably shouldn't)

I was practically ambushed by the teacher and TA today saying that DS2 "admitted" to playing with the phone.

A few points:

• they never saw him with the phone
• they say when they asked him he said yes (however, if you ask him almost anything he will say yes, even something completely implausible so I can't see where THAT's much help )

I was asked by the teachers to speak to him about it, even though they already have. And I pointed out that I will speak to him, but I also expect them to keep the cupboard door closed and keep a closer eye on him if they had no idea what he was doing or that he'd gotten into the cupboard (which is only fair!). They made a point of saying "oh we don't think he MEANT anything by it, but we've noticed that sometimes he does things he knows he shouldn't do...." Well, since I told them prior to school starting that one of the problems he was having was impulse control (one of those "must do, no self control" kind of things), that should hardly be surprising.

I'm thinking of speaking to the head tomorrow and asking:

• why is the cupboard door left open when there are things in there they don't want the children to be able to access?

• why didn't they see DS2 (if he did take the phone, and this hasn't really firmly been even established IMO) go into cupboard, go into handbag, take out phone, and go play with it - especially since they're supposed to be keeping a close eye on him - and even apparently send a couple blank text messages? (which I would assume were from just pushing buttons, as he doesn't have a clue what to do with a mobile other than push random buttons and hold it up to his ear and say "hello" repeatedly)

• why, if the children are even able to access that cupboard, is the teacher's handbag low enough where they can reach it? What if she had items that were hazardous to the children, such as paracetamol or other meds, in her bag and he had taken them?

• were ALL the children asked? I got the impression that only DS2 was asked if he'd had the phone.

• and hello? asking a 4yo with limited and delayed communication skills who listens only for key words and has already demonstrated problems with comprehension and expecting a clear and knowledgeable answer?

I actually asked DS2 these questions:

• did you take the teachers phone from her handbag?
• did you take the teachers hat?
• did you take the teachers television?

I got "yes" for all 3 questions.

I'm not saying he did or he didn't - I don't know and obviously they don't know as they weren't watching very closely IMO. But I am not thrilled with how this is being handled.

personally I think the teacher should put it down to learning a valuable lesson about what she does with her personal property. She doesn't know what happened, you don't know what happened and your ds can't tell you what happened so why carry it on. Whether I'd take it further imo would depend on the tone of voice that was used and how they came over. Maybe it's time to see the teacher/senco again to go over his needs and see how school is going for him?

go back into school and demonstrate the "Did you take the teacher's X?" thing. SHOW them that he says yes to everything. State, catagorically, that his verbal comprehension is level with that of a 2 year old's, and that they must speak to him on an appropriate level if they wish to receive a pertinant anwer.

I was tempted to do that colditz, although not sure I want to upset DS2 over it again. He's been absolutely all over the place tonight, very very disjointed verbally and having difficulty focusing on anything and getting upset easily, and it really makes me wonder specifically what they said to him when they "talked to him about it" today. The annoying thing is that they KNOW where his verbal comprehension is as we've just talked about it recently (he just went through an assessment with language/communication group). Not to mention they've been working with him since September - they KNOW what he's like with language skills.

I have to agree in part with bigcar in that the teacher really doesn't know what happened, I don't know what happened, and DS2 can't tell us what happened. Again, I come back to "if they were more careful about the door and their property, and watching him, they'd KNOW what happened."

agree with bigcar and colditz. I would be v. cross indeed that my child had been scapegoated re:mobile phone.

By blaming your son, they are ignoring all the other suspects.

A few questions I would want answered...

Why did the teacher have the phone switched on while she is teaching? Any vital emergency message can be passed on by reception.

I assume that the phone has a camera like most modern phones. Why does the teacher have her personal camera in the classroom and has she been using it to take photos of the children? What is she then doing with the pictures? Have the parents consented to pictures of their children being taken home with the teacher?

Your son has communication difficulties. What strategies did they use to support him in understanding the question?

HTH?

purple yes, I am definitely curious as to how he was questioned regarding this and if all the children were asked or just him. We tried asking him numerous ways and also asked him numerous questions that were absolutely impossible for him to have done, and he very happily answered yes to all of them (if he's to be believed, he apparently took out John Lennon, based on our questioning! )

I know there have been pictures taken of the children and used on a display board, however, I had not thought of the photos being possibly taken by a camera phone. Not sure if it is relevant to this, but thank you nonetheless for pointing it out.

I do agree regarding the phone being switched on, as DS2 wouldn't have a clue how to turn the phone on. When he has picked up my mobile, he just randomly pushes buttons and holds it up to his ear and says hello. I haven't seen the phone, but I can only assume it's a flip-phone, as otherwise you'd think it would be locked and he wouldn't have been able to accidentally send any texts.

ask the HT what the school policy is on the use of mobile phones. Most schools totally ban mobile phones in the school.

Triggles, this just comes from working in a residential school where staff mobiles were banned (most of us locked them in our cars as even the staff office was banned for a while ) for Child Protection reasons. A little overboard, I feel; but with the rise in phones with internet connections, there is a definite argument for banning them in the workplace. I know way too many people who surf farcebook etc at really odd times (ie 9-5'ers at 10am etc)

Maybe I'm overly cynical having had a couple of rubbish experiences as a TA in mainstream, but it must be a hell of a temptation not to have a quick check sometimes

purple oh yes, that I understand. I think what really upsets me is three things here:

1- I get the impression that DS2 was asked (and not the other children) and based on his universal "yes" answer, they feel he has admitted to it and took him to task for it. I questioned him somewhat this evening and he doesn't really even understand what it's all about.

2- I am unhappy with the possibility that he could have (if he did do it) gotten into the cupboard, the handbag, and then been playing with the phone and nobody even noticed. Is it routine for them to lose sight of him in the classroom and not know where he is?

3- Why is her handbag in a place where the children can possibly access it? What if she had medications in her handbag and he had eaten them and had a medical emergency? We wouldn't have had a clue what was causing it...

The more I think about it, I feel it's best to discuss this calmly with the head, as she has an open door policy and has shown before to be rational and willing to listen. I will also be bringing this up with the SENco so that we can be assured that he is being supervised properly.

I spoke to the teacher and then the head this morning regarding this.

Teacher states:

• they did ask each child individually, and as DS2 could tell them where she had her phone (in her handbag), they felt it was him that did it. However, as they never saw him with the phone at all, and the phone was both lost and found in areas that all children in the class had access to easily, they only spoke to him about going into the cupboard. Since many people keep their mobiles in their handbags (including me sometimes), I can't say that's a solid reason, and pointed that out to her, as well as mentioning that if they're going to be questioning him regarding something like this, I expect them to take his communication limits into account and have appropriate support (including me, if needed) present.

Head states:

• teacher should not be leaving cupboard open and head will be checking today to see if they can't put a hook or bolt on the cupboard door as other children have gone into it as well.
• teacher should not have had her mobile on or in the classroom, as they have strict rules about that. Apparently the teacher is trying to coordinate an art project of some sort and was expecting a call back that day, however, she should be teaching, not taking calls on her mobile during class. This is the reason they have these rules.
• teacher should know where DS2 is - he tends to wander, and is fast, so all the more reason to be keeping an eye on him
• teacher should not be leaving her handbag where the children could possibly access it. They have lockers in another area where most teachers keep their handbags, but as this classroom is on the far side of the school, the teacher keeps it in the cupboard. That's fine by me, as long as it is well out of reach or access of the children.

The head will be speaking to the teacher and TA about these things, as this is important for the safety of not only my DS, but the other children as well, plus the mobile being utilised during school hours was against school policy.

Result!

I'm glad they took you seriously. I do sometimes wonder because I'm naturally inclined towards an informal style of education (youth work etc) and part of that comes from a real culture of TA's know f*ck all about everything from teachers. While it may not seem much in the grand scheme, I have 5 years experience working with kids with ASD and LD (and spent the previous 4 teaching music privately, which doesn't count the support work I did with pupils in lower years when I was a 6th former) - which is 5 years more than they do!

Oops, sorry for the rant. I really am glad your DS won't be unfairly punished