How should I deal with this?

[elliejjtiny]

DS1 is 4.4 and in reception at school. We are going through the dx process at the moment but the paed is fairly confident he has ASD, maybe AS. He is toilet training at the moment (has been for about a year, argh) and he is usually very successful at school although it's a different story at home. I've said to the teacher that he is a bit unreliable and has spare clothes in his PE bag.

Since he started school he has had 3 accidents and not told anyone. He wears black trousers which makes it almost impossible to tell if he is wet at a glance (I always dress him in pale coloured jeans at home so the dark patch is obvious) and I'm fairly sure the teachers aren't allowed to keep feeling his trousers to check.

I've told DS1 he needs to tell a teacher if he is wet or just change his pants and tell me when he gets home but he wont. He wont tell me if he is wet at home either.

In general the school have been really good with him and I don't feel it's their fault as DS1 needs to tell someone if he is wet but I need to do something. Any ideas?

Closer observation by TA? A picture card, 'wet pants' he can give to you or TA when he is wet? Grey trousers, (my DD wears these..it helps), Im afraid we have a similar issue though as DD wets her underwear but not her clothes and school do not give her visual/verbal prompts to use the toilet more often or use proper hygiene, she often comes home smelly and damp. :(

this is tricky as asd kids often can't initiate an interaction especially outside home.

lack of self organization and awareness are what make it so difficult to toilet train and to let an adult know about an accident too.

yes try and and get a t.a on board as in that role I was able to prompt where a teacher couldn't even when the child in question wasn't my one to one!

social stories, visual aides and lighter trousers could make it all happen a lot more quickly for you as teachers need to be able to tell when the accident has occurred. there may be a pattern in which case the relevant adult can prompt in advance and avoid it happening...

good luck!

Thanks

The TA is really good with him so I will talk to her about reminding him. If the teacher catches him fiddling down there she will suggest he goes and she said he goes to the toilet quite often. He will talk to and initiate conversations with adults, just not with other children. I think lighter trousers would help, does anyone know where to get boys grey trousers? He is only little (just into age three to four) so I struggle to find school uniform that fits. Just me being daft but what are social stories?

Hi

MY DS is the same age and also has ASD. We find grey trousers from ASDA with elasticated waist are great. They come in 3-4yrs and have no flies. DS is at the same stage with his toilet training as well - fairly reliable with wees but won't do a bowel movement on either potty or toilet. Thankfully, he waits to do a poo in his nappy at night.

If it helps, I have a sideline business making clothes for kids with SN. You're probably alright at the mo, but some Mums have found it hard to get elasticated waists etc for bigger kids.

I've stocked up on dark grey fabric, and charge £10 for a pair of plain trousers and make to measure. Last pair I did were soft waisted and had a false fly and crease so they look like "proper" trousers - and so it's obvious which is the front when they get themselves dressed after PE

I'll be making the second pair for the same person tomorrow, so can't have done that bad a job lol

would second Asda though I do find they come up a bit big - ds1 is average weight and height and the 4-5 are a tad too long.