So confussed about dd2 and school.

[Marne]

Dd2 (ASD) Started school in september, seemed to be doing well on half days, was happy and TA was great (great communication with me). Now she stays for lunch (until 1pm) and it seems to be going down hill, her TA only stays until 12am and barely writes anything in her home school book, dd2 crys at lunch time as she cant cope with the noise in the hall (dd1 tells me), she's not eating (but will eat her lunch in the car when i pick her up), she's soiling and wetting herself when she gets home (up until now she has been doing well with this).

What do i do?

I'm going to go and speek to the SENCO or head tomorrow but i don't know what i'm going to say.

Should i ask them to sit her somewhere else for lunch? but this would reqire a 1:1 TA to be with her which they wont agree to. Do i bring her home at 12? but surely she will have to stay at some point.

I'm so confussed .

Dd3 was sooo bad at the start, marne, she used to vomit at the thought of going into dinner. I must admit my initial feeling was to bring her home for lunch, but I needed to work and have no family network.
We did get through this with patience and support from school. I would never dream of telling you what to do but my concern was that if I bought her home I would never get her back in.
She ate nothing at lunchtime for ages, we used to let her eat on the way home. Then we introduced tiny bite sized pieces of sandwhich, salad and cakey things. She did eventually start to eat.

Tha sounded really bad, like I put work before my child, it wasn't quite like that but what I meant was that in the long term I needed to work, so Dd3 coming home for lunch everyday for 10 years or so was not an option. We had little choice but to settle her.

I sent her in today with her ear deffenders and told the SENCO to try her with the deffenders and if they don't work she will have to be moved away from the hall, the SENCO said this would not be possible (moving her) as they have no 1:1 to sit with her (which is why she needs a 1:1). Anyway the ear deffenders helped a little, dd2 was still a bit uncomfortable but manage to eat most of her lunch without crying.

Another thing the SENCO said to me (which made me angry), she said 'dd2 was picking her sandwiches appart so i took them off her' , so dd2 was starving when i picked her up, this is how dd2 eats (examines her food first), surely they can't stop her from eating just because of her bad eating habbits?

I'm looking forward to the meeting next week to review her statemnt, i hope i can get across that she needs a 1:1 at lunch time, the statement says 2.5 hours 1:1 to be used when dd2 needs it the most, surely she needs it the most at lunch time, there must be times during the day (indoor play) when she doesn't need 1:1 support (so she can have the support at lunch time)?

Gob smacked that the senco took her sandwich!!! How dare she, that is really not on. Dd3 takes everything apart too [you should see her with a savoury egg!!].
The school are just going to have to get used to it.

I really feel for you marne and your Dd and don't really know what to say without seeming like a raving school hater.

glad the ear defenders helped a bit but re:sandwich - it's ASD/food issue behaviour that school should just ignore, sure if she's throwing food about, fair enough to gently discourage that, but merely examining in an unusual way.....

Make a complaint about the SENcO taking her sandwich off her.. It is things like that which demonstrate how cruel some teachers can be.

Took the sandwich away

DS has never taken sandwiches into school, he takes a slice of plain bread, a separate slice of salami etc. He is now in year 4, a couple of weeks ago he did ask if he could try the salami in the bread as lots of the kids were questioning him about why his food is separate. The next day he was back to separate foods again .

Does your SENCO know anything about ASD???

I don't think the SENCO knows anything about ASD, she has had a visit to the SN school as advised by dd2s outreach worker. I find it hard to talk to her as she always buts in and trys to change the subject . She said she had been thinking about things that dd2 could have in her lunch box that are easy to eat , dd2 eats sandwiches at home, she is a bit messy (will pull it appart) but will eat it all, why should i give her something she doesn't like just because its less messy?

I only give her half a sandwich and i cut it into 3, she tends to put too much in her mouth and then spits it out (and then eats it), i know it can't be nice for other people to watch but i don't know what i can do about it , she did have OT imput for her food issues but now she's at school (in a different county) we can't get help from OT.

I'm going to try her with a bit of cheese and a cracker tomorrow and see how she gets on. I'm guessing the whole situation must be very upsetting for her, at home we give her her lunch all at once (on a plate), she pulls it appart, spits some out but eventually eats it all, the SENCO is feeding her tiny bits of food, 1 at a time and then taking it off of her if she starts picking or making a mess.

From.what you say the senco is doing, you could argue that as she is giving your daughter so much attention then surely she could supervise her in a different place?

Marne... could you put a note in your Dd's lunch box maybe something along the lines of "I may take a while and make a bit of a mess but I can eat my lunch thankyou."
I used to put notes in Dd3's lunch box about not asking her to eat everything. I found that a nice big smiley face at the end of the note worked wonders with the lunchtime staff. Maybe it would work with your SENCO.

It doesn't sound, to me, like the SENCO was being cruel, unkind, or harsh. She made a mistake. She saw a child who was 'picking' at their sandwich and 'playing with it'. She didn't realise that your DD does that.

I honestly think that there are a few things that could be done here:

1. Cut the sandwich up into bite size pieces, so that she can't put too much in her mouth at one time.
2. TALK to the SENCO, via note if necessary, saying that your DD2 is a messy eater, but does enjoy her lunch, so please don't remove food, and to leave any uneaten food in her lunch box so that you can see what she has/hasn't eaten.
3. Experiment with other food items like finger foods, to see if she finds that easier when she is at school (sensory overload can reduce the ability to do something at school, which she can do at home).

I don't think a complaint about the SENCO will help you or your DD2 at this early stage of the year. There is plenty of time for that if things deteriorate.

Thanks Lougle, i will try some different finger foods, she managed ok with some mini sausages today so i might give her a few more tomorrow and replace the sandwich with a cracker, i'm not sure what else to try, she spits out apple and carrot sticks (maybe too crunchy), she's ok with raisins but not with a piece of fruit (banana or apple).

Any ideas what i can try in her lunch box?

Ok, when my DD was going through similar times (ie. not eating lunch) I did these:

"Mini Frittata" Literally get a little bit of potato, carrot, peas (you can even just save some from last night's dinner) and put them in a muffin tin. Beat an egg with a little milk, and a touch of salt. Pour it over the top, in each muffin hole. Grate a little cheese over each one. Put in an oven at 160??°c for around 20 mins.

Pasta with tuna/mayo. Really tasty, really easy to eat.

Prawn cocktail - little tub of lettuce with a few prawns and a mayo/tomato sauce mix.

Filled Jacket skins - Bake a potato, scoop out the potato and mix with cheese/bacon/whatever then fill skin again.

Mini Frittata sounds yummy , she might be ok with jacket skins but anything slightly wet (tuna mayo) may get played with (she loves smearing things).

Also pizza can be nice cold.

Savoury scones, too.

I will make some mini pizza's, thanks lougle xx