Parents evening blues

[boythengirl]

My DS has been seen once by a paed and is due to be seen again in Dec but in short we are likley to be looking at ASD. My Ds started reception this sep and at the time we mentioned some of our concerns to the
teacher. The main area where he struggles is with making friends with peers. Well we had meeting tonight and it has made me so miserable. She gave no positives about him and said some kids just slow to learn how to make friends but he was better now than when he started. I guess I just feel that the meeting was bady structured (or maybe my expectations re how the meeting would be run were too high) and negative and whilst I should be feeling positive that she feels he is making progress I don't.

I don't know what to do. Can we get the school to do more at this stage? Should I speak to the head but I don't want to look like I am going behind teachers back.

ANy thoughts appreciated.

maybe speak to the SENCO and class teacher together and ask what their targets are. Does he have an IEP?

Perhaps follow the meeting up with something in writing, thanking them for parents evening (even though you may not wish to) and asking if the school can recommend either a course of action or some sort of monitoring?

thanks for your ideas. My DS has not had any official diagnosis yet and therefore I am not sure what support I should expect/try to get for him from the school. Is the SENCO based at the school?

Yes SENCO is special educational needs co-ordinator - all schools have one.

Firstly can I pass a cuppa and a friendly smile :)

don't worry about having high expectations for meetings.. You should have, even if it means you call the meetings asking for SENco, class teacher, head and anyone else you want there... And have your own agenda bullet pointed with the things you want covered and head the meeting ( sometimes it's the only way).

Do school know about the lead meeting and what your potentially looking at?
Can school clarify areas of need and how can school meet these... If they are not identifying any needs... You may find it helpful to identify your concerns to them as often there are subtle issues that they just miss because of sheer numbers in class and teachers are rarely asd aware.
What would you like put in place with regard to support?

I think these are the things you need to be asking school to answer.
Honestly it is really common for areas of need to be missed in school.
I assume your going down the assessment route.. are you looking at an asd team ( salt, ot, clinical and educational pyschs etc).. I ask this because they may jolly well observe at school and may be able to pick things up that the school aren't.

I know that's lots of questions, but I do think that if you can get things clear in your own head you can start to direct what needs to be done.
Hth a bit x

Thanks arsenic.

Perhaps we have not been upfront enough with the school. When I spoke to the teacher in Sep I used the term social communication difficulties (term used by paed). I did not use ASD as I did not want DS getting a label until we were/are sure.

The teacher just keeps saying he is improving with how he deals with his peers but I just don't feel comfortable with the level of support he is getting i.e. they are just doing what they do with everyone in the class. (telling him to share, not to disrupt others' games etc.)

Also when we asked about lunchtimes we were told that she the teacher had noting to do with lunches and when my DH asked if there was anway we could talk to dinner ladies etc. we got blanks/fobbed off.

Sorry I feel a rant coming on. The bottom line is w don't know what to do. DO we wiat until our next paed appointment (not aware that we are seeing anyone else) and then go back to the school. Do I need to see the headteacher now?

Don't focus on the diagnosis (or lack of). That's actually not important.

Schools are supposed to identify and support difficulties that the child shows rather than provide support in response to any particular diagnosis.

I would ask for him to be put on Schools Action and ask for an Individual Education Plan to be drawn up and reviewed in 3 months time.

That lays down the foundation for escalation to Schools Action Plus if there's no improvement and provides evidence should you decide he may need to be assessed for a possible Statement.

I don't think just leaving him to 'improve' is the answer - he needs individual tailored support.

Best wishes

Yup totally agree with wetaugust :)

you don't need a dx to get extra support at school.. It's on a needs basis. And it sounds as if his needs are greater than his peers so a plan of action .. Or IEP would be the thing you want.. ( these are not legally binding and are often a bit pants tbh..)

You should not be being fobbed off about playtime support at all. If your ds is having issues with social communication ( for whatever reason).. He needs support. You might suggest something like a social skills group, structured time, a buddy system or a role given to him.. If it were me.. I'd ask them what they could put in place to help him out in this area..

How are the school going to show you that he has made progress? Particularly if they are doing a hmmmm wait and see, he may catch up thing.. You want measurable targets IMO

please .. At the begining of this journey it is so hard and I think all of us on the board have been in the place where we are all over the place and not sure what to do.... It does get better, you get a thick skin and you start to know your way around.
And if your not sure or wound up about something we are all here.

There is emergency funding they can apply for to provide extra support for your little one.

Teachers know bugger all about ASD until they get one in their class and then it's still pretty sketchy.

I know. I am one. I had very little idea about ASD until my DS came along.

There is plenty the school could be doing to help your DC. Don't do the 'wait and see' thing. Your DS needs support and he needs it now.

Start making noises about a statement too. Don't be fobbed off. Your know your lad much better than they do.

Arsenic is right - you do get tougher as the journey goes on. I didn't ask to be a battleaxe mum of a special needs kids but I guess I am one

Thanks all for your support and guidance.

I have just made an appointment to see the headteacher next week. My skin is starting to get thicker as I speak! The bottom line is we need to look out for our DS and the teacher (I am not blaming her as they are not medical professionals) but they don't understand/get it etc.. When I asked the question is he actually interacting or just playing along side she really could not answer?!

If anyone has any additional ideas, in particular the practical day to day stuff that we could ask for let me know. I have taken note of ones above like buddy system etc..

It is so helpful to have you guys with all your helpful information as you can feel isolated and just not know what to do.