DD 4 to be referred to a SALT. Dreading them saying ASD as this a there's no way I think this is the issue

[puffling]

Just wondering what the speech and language service will do. Can they diagnose?

DD is shy at school. She has one close friend and some others. She takes time to weigh up what she wants to do. If her friend isn't there she will sometimes sit/stand on her own. If she's told off she won't look at the teachers. She feels more comfortable around some teachers than others and will not really talk to the ones she's not at ease with.

My fear is that the school is trying to work towards an ASD diagnosis. I've never felt that this is the issue. She never concerned me as a baby or toddler. With us she's always been funny, affectionate, humorous etc. At school, I think she finds the lack of structure in reception difficUlt. Her mind is constantly whirring. Whilst other children appear to be milling around, playing and chatting, she's there weighing up the consequences of making a choice to talk/play etc. I see her as having a heightened sensitivity to her surroundings.
It seems an irony to me that a child with a great imagination and vocabulary should need help with speech and language.
Would really appreciate the thoughts of anyone who is a SALT or ed psych.

I run the UK website for SMIRA hence my comments.

It differs from ASD in that the full to and fro in conversation and understanding of pragmatic language is present at home or in a comfortable situation/person that is comfortable. Whereas with ASD the communication difficulties remain in both environments. It is also can be a co -morbid of ASD and ADHD and/or learning difficulties.

And it differs from shyness in that a child who is shy will talk be it perhaps quietly after a few minutes of warming up in a situation.

Hi Gnu

Puffling - I think that what you & Gnu want, is what the school are trying to do. They are trying to give her an indirect way of communicating.

I think it is worth remembering that SN is a very complex thing, and teachers are given 'tasters' of strategies, along with SENCOs, and they need expert input to meet the needs of children.

The positives from this, in my view are:

-The school are communicating with you early on. Good sign.

-The school have recognised that your DD is not being stubborn, she is not being 'naughty' and she is not being unco-operative.

-The school are trying to give her strategies straight away, rather than waiting for someone to come in and do it for them.

Your DD may have a transient SN, lots of children do. Right now, right here, she is struggling with the communication expected of her.

I would go with the SENCO here, because from the sound of it, ASD won't be a huge concern for long, once someone is observing her interactions with you. ASD is pervasive, it affects children wherever they are. They don't switch off their difficulties when they go home.

My dd has just been diagnosed with selective mutism by a SALT. Her behaviour is similar to what puffling describes.

There are books available on Amazon that cover this subject. Some of them allow you to look at the first pages online. You may get a feel straight away for whether it sounds like your dd.

Hi Puffling, I'm not a regular on this bit of the board but I hovered about a bit about 18mths ago when we had worried with DS.

Basically, he sounds exactly like your DD. To cut a long story short, we had him assessed twice. First time was through Nursery as they suspected ASD and it came back as 'possible ASD but needs time to develop.' Anyway, second time we paid for a private assessment by someone recommended on here. He was fantastic and basically diagnosed 'highly sensitive child'. The book of the same name was excellent btw!

He said he could well be on the tip of the spectrum but if it was 1-100 then DS would be under 5 if that makes sense. So nothing that in the long term would affect his everyday life. And nothing that would ever get anywhere near being diagnosed. But then he said the only purpose of diagnosis is to access help and he was confident that was unnecessary for DS in the long term.

So, almost 2yrs on and there has been a dramatic improvement. Far less anxiety and panic. Much more willing to talk to unfamiliar but trusted adults and children. He still hovers on the edge of a game if he's unsure but joins in far quicker and more often that he would have done previously. He still hand twists (nerves) and still occasionally feels physically sick with nerves but that is rarer than ever.

One of the crucial things was that he was always a happy, confident, sociable child at home. So the behaviour was not pervasive.

Anyway, I think it's appalling that the school has written this as they are unqualified to make such a diagnosis (I am myself a SENCo) It's good that they are trying to help but they must not go into it assuming your DD's problems are ASD.

Having said all this, I don't know your DD and it would be foolish of me to say, 'she doesn't have ASD' in the same way as school suggesting she does. So, I'd say go to the assessment, be honest about all your DD's difficulties and see what comes of it. Good luck!

Thanks for all these messages everyone - they are very helpful. I think selective mutism is much closer to what we see perhaps. Its noticeable, for instance, that she can talk and play very happily with some children outside of school (when its just two or three of them) but wouldn't think of engaging with the same children when she is at school.

She's not perfect outside school - she's not great at 'advanced small talk' like some very emotionally mature girls and isn't great at being kind or sharing. She's also rather picky and clearly doesn't want to play with some children for some reason. Having said that, she's in no way withdrawn and is laughing and chatting with her friends just as much as they do.

I have def. thought that selective mutism in a mild form is the thing. Have read 'The Highly Sensitive Child' and saw loads of parallels with dd.

Good Luck and let us know how you get on and keep an eye on the SM website when it goes back up for more info, particularly the downloads section.

I dont think you need to be afraid of this process as you may well get some clarity and help for you dd no matter whats behind the difficulties you mention. worth bearing in mind that spectrum issues present differently in girls and that you can have features without needing a diagnosis.

not saying it is asd just saying it's better to know what's going on so you can help her.

my dd hovering close to spectrum and needing help but key features for diagnosis missing.

Thanks for replies.

Will look at SM website. I think I have looked at it previously.