asd spat at pre school teacher

[tiredmummyneedswineandsleep]

don't know ins and outs as my mum picked him up as i was at work (in the school attached to pre school ) but ds 3 spat at his teacher because he didn't want to something
i rally told him off and said if he does it again i'll take his favourite trains away for 2 days. any tips? advice please? i feel awful, i hate spitting

If he's spitting during school time at his teacher - then it's up to his teacher and the school to 'do' something about it.

You don't know what happened before, during or after. Let school handle it....

If he spat at home - then you handle it. :)

Would echo what Indigo says, it happened in school so it's up to school to address it. Chances are if consequences aren't immediate they won't be effective anyway as he won't link the two.
If it makes you feel any better my ds did lots worse to most of the professionals who saw him. The SALT had to dodge a bedside cabinet that he launched down the stairs at her

I know why you feel awful; I also feel terrible when dd2 bites her teacher or TA. However, I also know that it isn't my fault and it is part and parcel of her ASD. I take a very strong line with dd2 about biting and the school also have a firm approach. She has a time out / naughty spot that she sits on. She is shown the sad face card and is told in no uncertain terms 'no biting'. Her teacher and TA also try to watch out for times when it is more likely to happen. We also make sure that if it is to avoid doing something like tidying up / stopping play then she still has to do that job after all the time out. I also accept that sometimes it is her only way to express her feelings as she is not able to express her feelings verbally yet. Maybe timers might be useful if it is related to stopping a favoured activity? There are strategies the school needs to put in place to manage and track the behaviour. I know biting and spitting are different behaviours but maybe it is similar kind of issue.

My eldest headbutted his 1:1
he also hit another child on the head with a plimsole

and another million examples

Hitting the roof, although understandable, is no use at all. I speak from much experience of hitting the roof. You're not dealing with an nt child, with nt thinking and nt processing.

Which is not to say that you should accept such behaviour. Unacceptable is unacceptable! Do you use social stories? When the boys were younger, I found them quite useful.

Agree that it is vital to deal with an incident at once. So when he spat, the teacher should have dealt with it (and probably did). you can work on helping him understand that spitting is socially unacceptable and cross your fingers that he gives a shit.

Does he like rules? ds1 is obsessive about them while ds2 doesn't give a crap. IF yours is one that embraces rules then you can use that.

thanks, im sure they dealt with it they have good strategies in place. have calmed down a bit now but just so
tried to talk with him about it and his response ''careful of my shiny paintwork!' ah! lol.

I've been bitten, scratched, headbutted, had my hair pulled etc by children I've worked with. Every single time, I can pinpoint what led up to the behaviour, and sometimes even what I could have done to avoid the child getting so frustrated. As a Support Worker, it's up to me to find strategies to help the person deal with their feelings, and that may take some time. Or I might be trying the wrong strategies.

Unfortunately for me, my personality means that when I say no, I mean no - even when there are teeth clamped to my boob (true story!) Funny, but if I had backed down I wouldn't have been hurt - and the child would have learned to bite to get his own way (eating wax crayons!)

Also agreeing with indigo. In the list of possible hills to die on, spitting features pretty low to me, anyhow. If I got the message across to my DS1 that spitting was something that got me really upset, he'd be doing it all the time. As it is, we stick with a simple but firm reminder that spitting is nasty so we don't do it and leave it at that.

I would expect school dealt with it as they saw fit, anyhow. Any consequence needs to be immediate and related to and proportionate to what happened and then moved on from. Having said that, it's not something DS1's teacher has picked up. Consequently, he's giving her the runaround something rotten because he knows he gets a rise from her by pushing her buttons.

so agree with purplepidgin. have so been there as a ta and yes was also spat at because my pupil was cross but I understood that it was the only way she felt she could make a point. I tried to make really clear signal that spitting not acceptable (time out) but also tried to give her other ways to tell me when she was unhappy with a request/ demand or activity.

this really helped as she was really sorry to be in time out and began to indicate when she wasn't happy with something. she also gradually stopped screaming!

"so agree with purplepidgin. have so been there as a ta and yes was also spat at because my pupil was cross but I understood that it was the only way she felt she could make a point. I tried to make really clear signal that spitting not acceptable (time out) but also tried to give her other ways to tell me when she was unhappy with a request/ demand or activity.

this really helped as she was really sorry to be in time out and began to indicate when she wasn't happy with something. she also gradually stopped screaming!"

Glad it's not just me!

Take it from me: If a TA or staff member makes you feel guilty because of your child's behaviour, IMO they need to take a long hard look at themselves and their choice of career...