Sick of it all!!!! Please make it stop.

[5inthebed]

DS2 won't stop wailing at the slightest of things. It is realy driving me slowly up the wall. Nothing I do is right, I can't leave him as he starts this high pitched shriek and wails until I say I'll stay, his dad can't even talk to him without DS2 wailing at me because his dad said hello.

I'm a grumpy cow, feel like I'm constantly telling DS1 off as everything he does makes DS2 howl, walks infront of him wail wail wail, walks behind him wail wail wail, touches him wail wail wail.

DS2 and Ds3 (nearly 2) are like a little tag team, constantly doing things they shouldn't, I can't leave them alone or out of sight, and last week when it was half term DS3 couldn;t nap as DS2 was constantly trying to wke him up one way or the other.

I've made an appointment with my GP, eaiest date is Thursday. I think I have depression. I had it years ago, to the point of feeling suicidal and really do not want to go there again.

How can I get him to stop wailing? Really? I can't cater to his every whim, as I wouldn't have a life! He is all sweetness and light at school, his 1:1 was saying today how much she missed him last week. I want this side of him, I want to enjoy him and I want to be able to sit for 5 minutes without yelling at them!

ITS SO BLOODY UNFAIR!!!!!

Can you shut him in his room if he does this to the point where he is driving you mad? When my DS bangs his head, mainly because he is in a mood cos can't get his own way (eg have a 15th bar of chocolate, or eat marmite out of the jar in great gulps) I tell him - "go into the hall if you want to do that", I shut the door on him and I carry on as unconcernedly as I can reading my paper. He has to know that his moods do not rule the roost. I have to hold the line that you can't always get what you want in this life. It's the same with my nf daughter, only with her I have words/bribery/threats/negotation - all the tools of the trade with a fully verbal child! She can still drive me mad too though, it's not just about SN children.

I am sorry you are feeling so bad - I do know what the constant noise is like, sometimes you want to scream as it gets inside your head/under your skin. When I am really angry I turn the telly up totally high so that all I can hear is X factor or whatever. That soon shuts him up!

I think you have to be cruel to be kind - he has to realise that the house does not revolve around his needs. It is hard work at first, but he will slowly realise the wailing just him gets no result.

Last time I sent him to his room he ripped the curtains off the wall and the blinds off the window. He then screamed and screamed and threw himself around his room until I went up. Not a pretty sight.

I am currently trying the "phoning Santa" threat, which is sort of working, but he still screams and moans and wails.

really can;t take much more of this.

How old is he - is medication an option?

If you could somehow teach him that wailing gets nothing, whereas quiet asking = reward? I know it is hard, believe me.

What keeps me going is that I simply will not be dictated to by a child, any child. They have to know I'm the boss. If he pulls his room apart while he is in there, he stays there longer as otherwise he is just controlling you with a different sort of tantrum. I think the hall is sometimes a good idea as a banishment room, as there are less curtains etc ( we have a combination lock on the front door!)

I don't want to sound like I have all the answers, but I think if you can tough it out with a consistent penalty for bad behaviour, in the end you can retrain the behaviour, and the younger you start the better.

My ds is similar to sickof's and my approach is similar too (you'll have to patent it before I do !). It is an extreme version of NT behaviour - if he asked for a sharp knife you would not give it to him no matter how much screaming there was - so you have to think of getting his own way as being just as bad for him in the long term. I think schools can be more tolerant and only see the good side of things as they are not worried as we are about the child's long term future.Can you make a safe space somewhere in the house - he can chill out maybe but not get what he wants ?

Only a practical note, but you can get magnetic curtain rails so that no damage is done when he pulls the curtain rails. if you can make the area really safe, then apart from mess there is no harm done by him having a tantrum in his room.

Also, half term is over and it is nearly bedtime (aka time for wine and a fag for mum). Be easy on yourself, is there something nice you can do, just for you?

He is 5.

He is in bed now, he is tired after a long day on Saturday that is finally catching up on him. He usually chills in his room for an hour after school, but with half term he hasn't had that time allocated. I always find half terms hard as we don't have a rigid routine.

I know I need to toughen up, but soetimes it is easier just giving in to him .

Thanks for taking the time to answer my post, I'm just so stressed and down about it all atm. Nothing nice for me to do by myself, I've no self confidence to go out by myself. I used to meet a group of friends once a month but that has stopped since they had babis last year.

Ach, ignore me, I'm just a miserable cow.

You are not a miserable cow. You are an amazing mum who would give Mother Teresa a run for her money.

It's no wonder it's all taking a toll on you. Whilst i only have one wailer to contend with, all I can say is get as much support as you can. Family, friends, GP, social, charities, anything! You may be a mum but you are human too and I'd be down the pub right now with all that going on. Sorry for your bad day.

The thing is, keeping your patience despite whining and wailing is fair enough... For the first hour / day / week / month. And till one whiner / wailer sets off the next... And then you're ready to put yourself or wailing dc through the nearest window to stop the noise.

No fancy answers except to agree in theory with sickofallexperts. B**y hard to do in practice though. Can you access a clinical psychologist to help you? Think you're right to see the GP, wailing is bad enough at the best of times without untreated depression to help it to have maximal detrimental effects.

Oh, and grumpy cow doesn't fit... School angel / house devil syndrome nearly always means you're gritting your teeth and doing a fine job despite the 'challenges'.

In addition to Lougle's advice, you can also get reels of sticky-backed velcro. Just stick the rough side to the wall and the soft side to the curtain :)

You said that you have no routine during the holidays. Can you impose one? Maybe get the kids to make up a timetable for each day, like 7.00 get up and clean teeth. 7.15 get dressed. 7.30 eat breakfast. 8.00 watch tv or play in room. 9.00 go to park. 10.30 home for snack. 10.45 DVD so Mummy can do the housework...

Might appeal to older kids who want to "play teacher" and your 5 year old gets control of what he does...

Oh we do have a routine, but it isn;t as fixed as school. I refuse to get a rigid routine as it doesn't allow for change at the best of times.

Will invest in some new curatain rails. He has broke the last ones as well from repetetive opening and closing.