I don't know what to say to Dd3.

[Ineed2]

Dd3 is as far as she is concerned perfect. She is completely oblivious to her issues. This is probably my fault because we just try to get through each day as it comes and don't harp on about bad behaviour, irrational fears and inabilities to do things such as share, use cutlery or wear anything with buttons on it.[Afew of her issues]
We try to focus on the positive.
However this is now causing me a huge headache when we go to appointments. She is totally convinced that she does not need to be there. Even going so far as shouting across a waiting room " Don't expect me to come back here, there's nothing wrong with me"

The paed told her the other day that she is going to get someone to help her with her handwrting, she is absolutly furious and said to me yesterday that she doesn't want anyone going into school to see her.
The SALT has been in once and Dd3 ignored her and didn't acknowledge that she knew her.

Yesterday Dd2 old me that Dd3 had asked her why I am worried about her, when theres nothing wrong with her. I said to Dd2 that there may not be anything wrong with her and that we don't know unless we get a dx. Dd2 gave me a look and said " there blatenly is Mum"

We had an awful evening at a halloween do last night, we have been lots of times before but everything frightened Dd3 and we nearly lost her.

I just don't knw what to do, I don't want to damage her self esteem by making her think there is something wrong with her, but without a dx what can I say to her. Thisis a nightmare and I think its all going to explode in my face.[hsad].
Sorry this is long and rambling but I need help!!

Hope your dd managed to get some sleep and gets off to school ok.

We use role play with dd1, we act out different situations that she struggles with (such as playing with a friend or going to someones house for dinner), sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. We have used one social story which worked well.

Right this is going to sound like a totally nutty idea.. So please ignore if you think it is :)

when ds wasn't 'different' and everything was somebody elses fault.. I asked him if he could help me make a social story in animation ( one of his things) for a child of a friend.
I told him what the problem areas were.. Which were actually his own! And we set to with a camera and movie maker on the pc.

So I wonder if this sort of idea might work with your dd.. do you think she could help out your friends child ( use my ds if you want).. And do a social story or a set of coping rules for going to the doctors / pead/ salt appointments, or anything that you have issues with.. Or even an emotions book to explain how you know what you feel and what to do.

It's a bit mad I know.. But I'm wondering if you remove
the issue away from her.. But get her to come up with
a solution .. Iyswim

Marne... yes thanx, she did go to sleep. She made a fuss about getting her uniform on this morning. To be fair winter uniform is different to summer so there were new choices to be made, but she coped quite well and went in ok.

Tacc... It doesn't sound nutty at all it sounds like a great idea, when I get chance to sit down and think it through it might be really helpful, thankyou.

Guess what, we got an OT appointment today for the 16th of nov. Less than one week after being referred, how amazing is that. And there was me thinking that having only one community paed in the area is a problem but if only one is referring...hey presto, much shorter queue. And they are coming to the house to assess her because she said she didn't want anyone to go in to school . I am well happy..

Thank you mumslife... I have also found that it is no good trying to reason or talk to Dd3 when she is in mid tantrum, she has also never had a tantrum at school. It is interesting that you Ds has a dx of aspergers, I am concerned that because Dd3 behaves so differently at school we will not get a dx. She does get stressed at school but she bottles it up until she comes out and then explodes.
She seems to try to be pretty much invisible a school although things have improved slightly since I went in and made a big fuss about her emotional wellbeing.
We do talk about everyone being different and she has 2 disabled cousins but she is just unable to apply difference to herself. I think it might be because her cousins are obviously different as is her friend who has down syndrome.
I am hoping that we will get some more support now that she has been referred on from community paeds to camhs and OT.

My DS1 is 4 so I may be suggesting things that are totally inappropriate for your DD. DS doesn't like it when professionals do home visits, he thinks they should stay at the dr surgery/hospital and never go anywhere else. He's also not keen when he sees them in tesco either. He liked DS2's portage worker coming because she brought toys with her and because she always did home visits. I always found it helpful to tell DS1 that the professionals were the friend of the referrer eg SALT was the HV's friend, the paed was the GP's friend etc, it made it seem more of a social occasion.

With the hospital appointments, both DS's have a paed and I'm pregnant so I think he thinks hospital appointments are something everyone does. Do you have anyone else who your DD thinks of as "normal" who sees people like paed, SALT etc?

If all else fails I find bribary works a treat usually. Hospital appointment means chocolate buttons and a magazine in hospital shop.

Thanx elli.... I have talked to her about lots of children needing appointments and luckily we are having the OT assessment at home. I think she will cope better with it at home.

Lol at bribery, I think I will resort to this for the next appointment then maybe she will see it as a more positive thing..