hi all

[FeedjoToTheMummies]

Hello, been away staying with ILs. Strangely DD acts much more NT there.leading to FIL assuming I am just not strict etc. Got meeting (like TAC) at nursery today, can't wait Hope you are all OK.

Welcome back Fanj! Hope meeting goes well.

Hiya. Good luck.

HATE those meetings meself.......

Good luck for the meeting!

I'm just wondering if a habit of making parents look like liars should be part of the diagnostic criteria for ASD?

the Head grabbed me this morning and told me how well the 1:1 was doing. I was dreading last one then it was quite positive, but still a bit nervous.

I don't know about others but I get suspicious every time someone tells me how well one of my girls is doing. I just assume that means they're trying to justify withdrawing something. How sad is that? I hope you get told that the one to one is working really well because it's exactly what she need Fanj.

DH is coming and wants to confront support worker about not seeing us since july, I however am quite glad as they are pretty useless. We are 'lucky' in a way that dd is quite severe so we don't get called liars but we certainly don't get much help.

i think the Head is more scared that I would say it wasn't working so the ed psych might remove it!

i can't see them removing it as DD wouldn' last 5 mins in MS without it,nothing would surprise me though. My big worry is they'll remove DD from there,the staff are great

Post later and we can see if the HT's comment was intentionally misleading or not?!
Good luck and i'm glad you've got some support with you. [hsmile]

i have no worries about the HT, she is fantastic, i think she just knows how the system works! Will post an update later

and thanks for all the good wishes

well, not sure how it went...feel a bit down about the whole thing, I thought the Head sounded a bit despondent and hinting that they cant do anything with DD, but I don't know if that was for the benefit of the area SENCO who was there, so they keep her full time 1:1.

I think the Head would like it if I said I'd take DD home at 1pm instead of 2 though. This would cause a lot of issues with childcare and I'd rather persevere until DD is used to the longer day (she still gets very tired but we are working on her sleep). Maybe it is too much for her though.

I am also worried I put my foot in it as I said they shouldn't try to interact with DD 100% of the time and they can occasionally leave her to do her own thing for short periods, as DD gets overstimulated and the worst they can do is be in her face the whole time. She still needs 1:1 though.

i was just thinking about how to do best by DD and help her get the most from nursery, but maybe the SENCO will jump on it to say she doesn't need full time 1:1 any more.

Am feeling quite low today so probably best not to dwell on it, I did my best for DD and was feeling tired and not really up to trying to think about the "system".

Apparently there is a big audit in February where the nursery have to reapply for the support, so it might get taken away then.

The ed psych, who is new ( I haven't met her yet) didn't even bother to come to the meeting and just ignored the invitation, too.

Oh no don't worry. If there is anything that you feel didn't come across the way that you felt it should have, or anything else that is bothering you, simply write to them saying so.

You can thank them for their time, say that you weren't able to articulate some of the things you wanted to as you find those meetings very stressful and that you have also had time to reflect and you'd just like to clarify a few things.

You can say she needs 1:1 100% but as a vigilant observer ready for instant intervention if a social interaction opportunity arises or a difficulty. What you would want to guard against is the 1:1 becoming her playmate or insisting she works continuosly for them.

These meetings are stressful because they feel like our one chance, but they're really not.

Yes I said "if she is safe" she can be left for short periods.

I think they are insisting she works continuously and that is never going to work with DD.

I was also very when I saw her learning folder and they had an entry called "Expressive Arts"...they had pictures of DD looking at her hands and said "DD was singing to herself and looking at her hands in detail"..I didn't know that her exhibiting ASD traits was an "expressive art"..I was quite disappointed, I thought they knew her slightly better than that!!!

bump in case any of yesterdays wellwishers missed the update when board was busy :)

The Expressive Arts is a bit , isn't it? I think it might be worth discussing it with them and pointing that out. Maybe if they are looking for art of some sort, you can work together about her doing some things that will be more beneficial to her - perhaps if you put it in the context of "I do some art work with her at home and would like us to reinforce some of the skills that she is learning in school - can we come up with a list of some possible projects that can be done?" It might give them some ideas.

It was . Everyone seems to underestimate DD as she can't speak and has physical delays, she is capable of more mentally than they think.

I wonder if they just had to find something that ticked that box that day?

I'd ask them what other ways they observed her expressing herself through arts. If they can't tell you any way that she genuinely does it you can reasonably expect them to work to find ways for her to access that area of learning.

Sorry you didn't have a positive meeting Fanj. It's awful when you think there's a wider political agenda which could affect your child's provision but everyone's keeping their cards close to their chests so you worry about making things worse every time you open our mouth.

Why does everyone have to be so manipulative? what happened to putting the needs of the child first?