ASD older sibling influence on supposedly-NT younger sibling. School is concerned, should I be worried?

[BriocheDoree]

DD is 6, ASD. DS is 3 and so far appears NT. He has just started nursery school. Today the teacher said she would like to speak to me about his behaviour - basically she wasn't sure how much is related to his older sister and how much is just him. Now, I have the same issues. We have been mildly concerned about him. He definitely isn't ASD. Firstly, he understands. If you ask him to do something, he'll go and do it (unless he's being stroppy!). He doesn't stand there not understanding/ not registering that you are talking to him. His eye contact is good. He brings things to show me. However, he has quirks of speech - never uses yes and no, still reverses pronouns aged three. Doesn't ask "why" questions yet (he is 3 years 3 months). He has quite involved play scenarios with Thomas trains and / or cars, and when he plays, he doesn't reverse his pronouns. He shows no interest in playing with other children. He is very happy to have them around but doesn't really interact with them. He can play for hours on his own.
Sorry, this is really long and rambling. I'm wondering if I have cause for concern or not!

Brioche similar situation with DS2. DS1 dyspraxia dx. DS2 is 5 and i have ?s about. Somebody on this site suggested doing the cambridge Autism research test - which i did and he was borderline. DS3 is 3.3 as well - and doesn't exhibit any ?s yet, but he doesn't ask why questions either.
It's a tricky one - i suppose we might have to wait and see. I have a friend who has an elder DS 10 who thought that her DD 7 was copying, then got worried and was told by developmental paediatrician it was just copied behaviour. Her DD is now awaiting dx for ASD too.
I personally thought that when DS2 went to school and got his own peer group and friends that he would exhibit less of his brother's behaviour as he would have other examples to copy! He's just developed different bad behaviours!

Hi, Brioche, long time no speak

We have exactly the same issues with dd1/dd2.

I am increasingly inclined.to think that dd2 is AS, only.clearly at the opposite end of the functioning spectrum! Lots of little quirks, which could all be sibling of ASD stuff, but there are so many of them, that it adds up to being an issue for dd2, whether she is AS or not, iyswim?

She started pre school this year, and we have told school of our concerns, and that we have basically red flagged her for AS. what they now do with this info is up to them, but I have highlighted our concerns to them, as we.didn't want dd2 to fall through any.cracks due to overlooking traits

I'm not sure if this helps or not.. Dd is the youngest.. She has always clearly had some mild sensory things going on.. But that is it.. There is no doubt at all that there is no question over her being NT.

At 7 years old she has over taken nearly 12 year old ds2.. In all areas that are part of the triad.. And lots that aren't.

So I'd go with if there is a question hanging over your head .. It is worth invetigating :)

Hi Brioche, kwym! dd3 def copies some of ds2's behaviours there is no doubt about that and school have flagged up numeracy/literacy difficulties - she has been on an IEP since the summer term with close monitoring all of last year.

Basically, consultation with teacher has highlighted some difficulties processing but she's progressing with num/lit which is all positive - I have highlighted that I have a query around adhd so teacher is going to monitor - I don't want to jump in (because it's scary!) but also want to see how she manages/matures. She's only 7 and is the baby in our household!

I suppose Brioche, what is your gut instinct telling you? It sounds like some things/quirks (?) are jumping out at you - do you think those things require referrals or monitoring at this stage; what do you think? What are waiting lists like where you live?

It's difficult, isn't it x

I have recently been through the loop of worrying that ds2 might have ASD as well as ds1. Since then I have discussed it with the EP and done a few of the different online ASD questionnaires.

I did the same questionnaires for both boys each time. Ds1 consistently came out at 40+ - so obviously ASD and ds2 came out as 15 or even lower on some, so definitely not ASD.

I know it wasn't a very scientific method, but it helped me get my head around what it is that makes them different and what behaviours I felt were learned or copied, rather than instinctive or innate and it helped put my mind at rest.

However, if you are really concerned there is no harm in pursuing some further investigation.

Hmm, I'm not sure I'm sufficiently concerned to start down a whole dx route yet. But thanks all for your replies. Much to think about. I am aware that it was school that picked up DD's difficulties BEFORE I did (OK, so she's my eldest!) and so I don't want to ignore them (have a good relationship with this teacher and respect her opinion). Added complication of course is that DD and DS are both bilingual and school language is very much minority language for DS at the moment. I think what I will do is get a referral to a speech therapist. She will hopefully be able to tell me if it's just that DS needs a bit of help with his second language, or if there is more going on that warrants investigation. DD's difficulties should be enough to get me a referral for DS. (Speech therapy here is covered under social security, which is pretty good, really).
My gut instinct is still that he's NT, or at least not ASD, but don't want to see him struggle if he needs help.

Yes Brioche, sounds like a plan - funny I was thinking of seeing if I could get dd a s&l referral also, there are immaturities in her speech and with the query around processing thought it might help (maybe?), not sure but like yourself, anything to help really x

Ds1 is as and his most prominent issue at 3 was his pronoun reversal.
His twin sibling never reversed their pronouns and did the stuff he never did like pointing and asking why.
At 3 ds1 understood instructions, did as he was told, excellent eye contact, brought things to show us, played with his trains, but had a definate dx of as at 4yrs and his differences have become more pronounced as he's got older.
That's just my experience and I don't think wait and see is a bad idea at 3.