3 year old with possible ASD - how to get diagnosis/help?

[madmouse]

Hi all

Not posted on here since ds was a baby! It's not for me. My friend's 3yo dd is in some difficulties and very unhappy and her behaviour is very challenging. I suggested the possibility of ASD some time ago but ds's special needs are purely physical,so I'm no expert. But things are getting from, bad to worse and others have started saying the same and my friends are starting to believe she is somewhere on the spectrum. I was over at their house tonight and saw several serious meltdowns, obvious not coping, obsessive behaviour, only being happy when watching Mr Tumble on repeat - and parents at the end of their tether screaming at each other

Two questions:

1. How do they go about getting a diagnosis (if indeed it is ASD, but something is wrong)
2. How do I support them?

Thanks for your help

Urgh reading that back it sounds like MN SN is not for me - I meant I'm not posting for me this time!!

lots of routes- but most end up with a Developmental Paed, so maybe ask GP for referral?

I would tell her to see GP/HV and ask for referal to child development centre for assessment.

She can go to her GP to get a referral, preferably to a developmental paediatrician, although its more likely that she'll be referred to the community paed in the first instance and he/she will refer on from there.

In our case, we booked an appointment without taking ds in the first instance and took along a list of our concerns, with a copy for the GP. She was lovely, talked it all through and referred us on to the paed who gave us an intial diagnosis and referred ds to the specialist multi-disciplinary assessment unit.

As for supporting them, just be a friend. Be prepared to listen when she/they need to talk and if you are in a position to and feel happy to do so, offer to babysit for a couple of hours occasionally so they can either get a break individually or spend some time together. Personally, I would love someone outside of the family who would just listen occasionally while I let it all out. In my experience, having a child with ASD can be a very isolating experience and having a lovely caring friend like you would make all the difference.

Oh - and of course point her in the direction of this board if she is on the net.

Thanks for the advice. They are going to see the GP next week and I had already suggested that if they GP had no better ideas that they would ask for a referral to the same community paed who sees ds at the local health centre.

I frequently offer to babysit, but they feel she is too difficult to inflict her on anyone else. I keep saying that it is different if it is not your own child and that it is different if you can give them back again!

My friends mum does offer respite (for both parents and child - as there are three children in total and the house is never quiet)

They were just all struggling tonight, all stressed and upset, even the 18 month old and the dog - and it broke my heart

If it does turn out to be autism, tell your friend to look into ABA - it's been the best thing for my (autistic) DS. Is she in London?

Thanks - no we are in the Midlands

Madmouse you sound like a lovely friend. I usually turn down babysitting offer too because it causes my girls more stress than it's worth no matter who the babysitter is. Tell her that you will keep offering because she may change her mind.

Tell your friend that she must make sure she doesn't fall at the first hurdle. When she sees the P it may be best to go without her DD so she can speak freely or at least have someone there who can take her out. Then she must not take no for an answer. She doesn't need to go away and see how things go - she needs an urgent referral before the relationships start to really break down.

Your friend probably really needs someone who can listen to her rattle on for hours on end about the same things over and over and you sound like a good person to do that. Listening can be a really big help.

If she feels that she'd like to speak to others in the same position Autism West Midlands may be able to point her in the direction of local support groups. A diagnosis is not normally necessary to join these groups because it is a long, complex process and a lot of people who should get one don't.