Dd has been viewing secondary schools all week and today was the final straw........

[Aero]

In a nutshell, she has ADD, SpLD and BESD. She is in Y6 and the deadline for choosing a school is tomorrow (paper) and online 31st Oct. She is very, very stressed about the whole thing and every time we look around a school, she is floppy, can't focus and wants to get it over-with as quickly as possible and leave. Today she has reacted badly and we couldn't complete the visit. She ended up sitting in a corner crying and frustrated wanting to leave. She also had physical pain in her head and tummy - so much so that we didn't return to her school after and I took her home. She is ok now. This is the same school she had to leave during a fair banding test a few weeks ago and she also had a meltdown after visiting it last year. It is meant to be the best in the area to cope with SENs, but I don't think dd will cope there. It's not the only school she's reacted to, it's been hard going taking her round the schools and the whole thing has overwhelmed her completely. The nice lady I spoke with remembered her from the test and has now seen her in this state twice. I wonder if it's affecting her psychosematically (sp???)now - the pain was genuine, but she was fine this morning and is fine now. She's also been having tension headaches recently. I just don't see how I can send her to any school when she is unable to cope and I don't know what to do. Application for SA is in - we're waiting for the standard 'no' - this is the second attempt and we will be appealing this time.

Abdominal pain and a headache makes me think stress migraine?

It sounds a really hard time for you all; we're at the stage with ds1 (I used to be known as Peachy, I know the name unnerves people sorry). We've only seen 2- a very highly rated comp that is no good for him and a great ASD base; 1/15 chanceof a place. You could cry coudln;t you!

You need to docvument every bit of this and let teh LEA have a cope for the file. If you got the SA would you be looking for SN provision? If so then tbh I;d stop looking and tell teh LEA that clearly teh schools on opffer cannot meet her needs; if not, have yu found somewhere worth foing to?

YOu may well find the best route is simply to go alone and make a shortlist of two (thats what we did) to minimise stress

Hi Peachy - have you been around for ages? Think I remember you. I've been here for years, just not much recently but have found the SN boards the only place I can talk about this and I know people will understand!!
Yes I would be looking for SN provision definitely because of her inability to cope with stressful situations as well as the more obvious learning difficulties.I have documented the other situations in my evidence and will make note of this for further evidence when the time comes. Trouble is there is little provision locally and I'm not sure any there is would be ideal, but on the other hand, I'm not really happy to send her away to board either. Her intellect is average, but her levels doesn't correlate and she is getting further behind because of the SPLDs! It's very depressing.

I think you need to make the decision and not ask her to choose.

Then all you can do is choose the best out of the available choices.... If that means choosing betweent the 3 schools you can commute to, then all you need to do is decide which is the least bad best out of that lot....

Tbh IndigoBell, we've never really seen her behave like this before - not so bad anyway I guess she's never had to cope with such stressful situations as this before. This kind of behaviour has really only been apparant over the last year or so as she gets to know herself better. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I mean we've had tantrums and meltdowns at home, but not like this. This is all about changing schools. I haven't really compared her to other kids before in this sort of situation, but they were all interested and enthusiastic, but dd just did not cope and couldn't wait to leave. She was very, very clingy and 'floppy'.

Our two nearest schools that she could feasably walk to will only accomodate her for two years due to changes in the schools themselves - both will involve her moving sites by Y9. The one we went to today I could drive her to. I really can't decide and they're all asking if she has a statement! I will fill in the form somehow probably putting the nearest one first so we aren't left with no school, in the hope that if they do agree to a statement we can name one which suits her needs better. without a statement we have no hope of getting into the further away schools which may or may not be able to meet her needs better. There is a S&L unit, but it's only accessible via statement. She wanted to visit the schools herself - I really wasn't expecting it to be sooooo bad or I'd never have taken her. I went prepared for the speeches with things to keep her busy, but thought the actual tours would interest her. I should have had more insight I guess.

Though least the school now seen how she can react and fact there asking about statements shows there thinking she needs one so maybe supportive getting one

We have a similar problem with DS1, although not so severe. He was sent home from a taster day as he got so upset by it and although he has been fine at the open evenings we haven't been to that many and he wasn't there without us so it was easier for him to bear. I also was not expecting it either. He has happily gone on school trips but this freaked him out totally.

On the whole, I agree with Indigobell that you need to chose the school. However, you sounds like you also need support. We had a meeting with the school nurse and DS's teacher and SENCO today to plan his transfer to secondary. Hopefully we will come up with a plan which will ease his transition. First step, after Christmas, is for me and him to have a tour of the school and see where he will be working in Yr 7 rather than the more general thing he has had so far. After that he will probably go once a week for a morning to get used to it.

How are your DD's teachers on supporting her? I know we are extremely lucky that DS's school have been so proactive with this (although they were the ones dealing with the meltdown when he went for his taster day so they know what it is like) but if you can get people together in a similar way to work on smoothing the transition process it will be a lot easier for you both than trying to deal with it alone.

Doesn't help with your choice as such but just saying that once you have made the choice you shouldn't be alone in managing the transition - don't let your DD's reaction to the school necessarily put you off.

Btw DS doesn't have a statement and won't get one. The school we have chosen reckon there is no point in getting one as it won't change anything. We are going to have an IPA (individual partnership Agreement) - no idea what it is really.

Aero- a decade. Eeek!

I do think it's about reducing the choice; selecting from many of very similar items is going to be hugely stressful for anyone; chuck in a little SN and it's going to risk ebing severelys tressful.

I have a link somewhere for the Dyscovery centre's transtion website that has lots of tools to help you and your DD< chuck me a PM if you would like it.